kind of morbid - explaining cemeteries

If you frequent a cemetery with your young child, do you explain what it actually is?

My father and my FIL have both passed. My dad almost 11 years ago, my FIL almost 3 months ago. We go to both cemeteries with our kids.

I have told DS "this is where we go to remember Papa and Grandpa" nothing more than that but today, as we passed a cemetery, DS said "mom, its one of those places where people live under the stones, like Grandpa!" and at first I didn't realize what he was talking about but noticed we were passing a cemetery.

Do I just leave his understanding at that? Do I explain further? I don't want him to think his grandfathers are living "under stones in the ground?" If that makes sense. I just want him to be comfortable with his understanding of a cemetery and burial etc.

kind of morbid - explaining cemeteries

Its where you lay your dead to rest so I'd have left it alone.


AJ clearly knows my father is in the kitchen in the box. She has asked (and I allowed her) to touch the remains. He is gone from this world but lives on in our hearts and dreams.

Some people prefer to have their loved ones buried so they can visit them. We all go back into the earth somehow and at sometime. Nothing lasts forever. Some like to go to a grave to see the name and remember loved ones. When she asked if she would always be able to visit grandpa in his box in the kitchen, I said no. Grandpa wants to be in the sea. But when it rains, grandpa will always part of it because we all return to the earth somehow.

Of course then she said "I want to be like grandpa, part of the rain to make flowers grow" LOL

I figure sooner or later they hear about things at school, TV or other places. So I'm honest with her. That said, I've also told her Santa is not real, just pretend like Mickey Mouse, yet she believes its real because her friends say it is.

ETA
I'm pretty direct and literal with AJ. I don't try to cover up the ugly truth of death. I also want demystify any notions of dead loved ones laying in groups under stones all in the same place.

You can believe in heaven or not, but for me, our loved ones are gone when they die and all that's left is memories that we hold.

Dad always said:
"We only live as long as there is someone to remember us. Once forgotten we are gone forever. Tombstones will fade and bones become dust but if a person is remembered, then they are truly immortal." Of course he added "I don't want to be immortal" - which I would reply "too f--king bad"

Message edited 6/6/2014 2:49:33 PM.

Re: kind of morbid - explaining cemeteries

My mom always told us that our soul goes to heaven and we live in heaven which is a beautiful, peaceful place -- and then eventually when we all go to heaven we will get to see them again.

As far as the cemetery - I never asked her about that so I'm not sure what to say!

Re: kind of morbid - explaining cemeteries

I tell them it's where we go visit the spirits of the people who were part of our family.

Traditionally, once a year, we leave food for when the spirits "rise".

It's always been a happy place in my childhood.

Fortunately, the kids don't remember our family before they died.

kind of morbid - explaining cemeteries

I would simply say that no Grandpa doesnt live under the stones, that he lives in heaven or is just not here anymore and that we go there because it is a special place to sit and remember him. I dont think that I would try and explain burial, cremation etc. That could be a bit heavy.

Re: kind of morbid - explaining cemeteries

kind of morbid - explaining cemeteries

Children are very literal at that age, so if that's how he understands and makes peace with it, I might just let it go. In time he'll understand more about death and what happens after we pass.

Re: kind of morbid - explaining cemeteries

I tell my 6yo hte same thing when we go to visit my mom. That a cemetary is a place where we go so we can remember, talk to, feel close to the person who has died and moved on to heaven.

He has never asked anything regarding a burial. But if he did I would try to explain it very simplistically. We bury their body and then their spirit/soul is taken to heaven which is where htey live, happily. I would only elaborate into the burial if he directly asked.