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3+ year age gap

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Member since 1/13

1329 total posts


3+ year age gap

We had hoped to have a 2-3 year age gap (2.5 years ideally) but after 3 losses that is unfortunately no longer possible for us and we are looking at a 3-4 year age gap at best. Please share some positives to having kids who are 3+ years apart. Thanks!

Message edited 3/31/2014 3:44:30 PM.

Posted 3/31/14 3:44 PM
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LIF Adult

Member since 7/08

3393 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

We will have a four year age gap
Hubby mentioned yesterday "at least we'll get a break on nursery school tuition" lol

Also our older one is a little more independent and can understand how people need to tend to babies- like he understands that they need a lot of help because they're so little and can't do things by themselves

Posted 3/31/14 3:51 PM

I finally hit 1000! woo hoo!

Member since 1/06

2294 total posts


3+ year age gap

My dd will be 5 in April and we are due with or second in September.
While I don't have experience yet there are definitely some pluses.
DD will be starting full day kindergarten in September. So that will give me time with the baby. DD will also be a great helper. She is also more independent now. And she understands what is going on.
Not having to pay for preschool for at least 2 years is definitely a plus.

Posted 3/31/14 4:14 PM

LIF Adolescent

Member since 4/13

707 total posts


3+ year age gap

DS1 is about 3.5 years older than DS2. DS2 is only 5 months old but I am grateful there is this much of an age gap because DS1 is more independent and not as needy. He loves to help and he LOVES the baby.

That being said, it was a little rough at first in terms of DS1 having to give up the undivided attention he was getting. If I had an older child who was much younger than 3.5 at the time, I think it would've been so much harder to deal with (meaning, in terms of him understanding why he had to share attention now).

Message edited 3/31/2014 4:21:29 PM.

Posted 3/31/14 4:20 PM

Love to Bake!

Member since 7/06

27915 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

My DD and DS are exactly 4.5 yrs apart and although I didn't want kids so spaced out I'm actually loving the age difference.

It's nice, and a lot easier, having one kid who is more self sufficient (and in school) when you have a baby in the house. She had no trouble at all adjusting to the baby being born, she is so gentle and loving with him, and they adore each other. It's really been very nice having the bigger age gap........I really don't have any complaints. Turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Chat Icon

Posted 3/31/14 4:27 PM

LIF Infant

Member since 8/08

193 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

My DC are 4 years apart! Like you we had hoped for a 2 year gap but it took me a long time to pregnant the 2nd time. There are so many positives about having a bigger gap.
My older DC is so helpful with the baby. Helps with diaper changes and bath. He can also fend for himself and keep himself busy when I'm busy with the baby. He's also old enough to enjoy the baby. He loves to play with him and gets excited about all the milestones like rolling over and when he started solid food. But the best part is that my DS will be starting full day kindergarten in September and I will have lots of quality time with the baby! Just like I did with my first!!

I know it's stressful when things don't turn out like we plan especially when you've had losses. But there are definitely positives to a 3-4 year gap!! Hope you get you BFP soon!!Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 3/31/14 4:28 PM

Mommy's little YouTube Star!

Member since 8/05

14470 total posts


3+ year age gap

My brother was my savior and best friend all through my childhood. I loved him more than the ground I walked on. He was my best friend, hated tormentor and biggest defender. He's 4yrs older than me.

Can't imagine it any better. Plus I told my dad he got a break from HS as we'd be starting and ending instead of ending at the same time or so close (cause that got expensive - college and all). My brother was old enough to adore me as a baby and he never really stopped being my Big Brother until we were much older.

Recently we've become distant (over my father's death) and although it saddens me, the age thing had nothing to do with our distance.

I never wanted children closer than at LEAST 3 years apart. When we were still preggo with AJ I said ask me again at 36 (when she turned 3) we made up our minds before that to not having anymore but still at my 36th we revisited it and still said no. But 3 was just not enough time. She's now five. If I had to choose, I may have tried to have another now.. but I didn't have choose because I'm done.

Having one in grade school seems to be easier from all those siblings I see at her school.

Hubby has a brother who is 6-7 years younger and a sister who's about 11 years younger. They are all close.

Posted 3/31/14 4:32 PM


Member since 3/09

7721 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

Studies show a 3 year age difference is the best for the younger one.

Posted 3/31/14 5:34 PM

You are my I love you

Member since 7/09

18802 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

I always thought we would have a 4 yr age gap bw our kids but DS will be 3 when our 2nd gets here..BUT my brother and I are 4.5 yrs apart and are best friends. Growing up we always had a great relationship, sure there were ages where we didn't play together as much bc of the gap but we always got along so well, there was never any competition or anything either bc we were 4.5 yrs apart so that was a great thing. My mom loved it bc my brother started Kindergarden when I was born so she felt like she had time to enjoy us both individually, she wasnt overwhelmed bc she had one baby at a time etc.

I think 4 yrs is a great age difference Chat Icon

Posted 3/31/14 5:52 PM

LIF Adolescent

Member since 11/13

683 total posts


3+ year age gap

My brother and I have a 7 year age gap. My mom always said it was like raising two only children because my brother could do a lot of things by the time I was born. I think it worked well in our family; my parents really had a built in babysitter by the time they felt comfortable leaving me with someone lol. My only complaint was that we weren't really close growing up due to our age gap. Once I hit about 16, we got closer. Now at 28 & 35, we are very close and talk all the time.

Posted 3/31/14 7:42 PM

mom of 3 boys

Member since 4/06

11426 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

my boys are 3 1/2 years apart.

I love the age gap!!!!!

First, my 2nd boy had terrible reflux and colic for the first 3 months, so the age gap was a blessing because my 1st understood what was going on. He understood when mommy couldn't do something right then or why mommy had to read his night time books while bouncing his screaming baby brother with the other hand. Chat Icon

Plus there hasn't been any jealousy at all. my 1st is so good with my 2nd. Chat Icon

ETA: plus like others mentioned, my oldest was in prek at the time when #2 came so there was some alone time with #2.

Message edited 3/31/2014 8:22:18 PM.

Posted 3/31/14 8:19 PM

life is good

Member since 10/06

9258 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

I wanted a 2.5-3 year age difference between my children. However, due to secondary infertility, I ended up with a 5+ year age difference (and I shed MANY tears along the way, as I watched the age gap widen and widen, month by month, year by year).

My girls absolutely adore each other. My older one is a HUGE help, and the baby idolizes her big sister (I always say she THINKS she's a big kid, when she's only 17 mos!). My older one had very few (if any) jealousy issues since she was older and able to understand.

I so understand how hard this is ... but it all works out in the end. Hang in there! Chat Icon

Posted 3/31/14 8:24 PM

Mom of 2 Boys

Member since 5/05

4381 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

My #2 and #3 have 3.5 yrs between them. They youngest is 3 now and she loves her big brother and he is really sweet to her for the most part. I wanted them closer but it wasn't God's plan for me. All has been ok so far! : ) Good Luck to you!

Posted 3/31/14 9:07 PM

Time for Baby #2!

Member since 8/10

4194 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

I am 5 years younger than my brother and 3 years older than my sister. They are my best friends.

My ideal age gap is 3-3.5 years. As others have mentioned, the older kid is a bit more independent, understands more, can be helper, and is probably at least part time in a school program - giving mom some time alone with new baby which is important!

Posted 3/31/14 9:14 PM

Family is Complete!

Member since 5/05

5913 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

5 years between my brother and me. 4.5 years between my kids.
The positive is that the older is more independent when baby comes. Most likely potty trained and in preschool. They can understand the physical demands of a baby and while they get jealous, they can express their feelings.

The only negative is that I feel like we still need to wait to do some fun stuff when ds is a little older and I fear dd is missing out.
Other than that, I agree about spaced out tuition for prek/daycare and college.

Posted 3/31/14 9:46 PM

Baby #3 coming this June

Member since 8/05

6721 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

My son are three years apart. My older one was able to understand the concept of a new baby coming. He never showed any jeoulsy towards the baby which I was so happy about. My older one was potty trained and in a toddler bed so baby could have crib.
They get along fine now. My oldest is 5 and youngest 2. They fight but any age difference will do that. That's what siblings do. It's not all the time of course.

Posted 3/31/14 10:34 PM

LIF Infant

Member since 1/13

164 total posts


3+ year age gap

I'm in the same boat with three losses. Honestly, at this point, I'll just be happy to have another child at any point, if it ever works out for me.

Posted 3/31/14 10:36 PM

Hello Kitty

Member since 1/08

7542 total posts


3+ year age gap

My kids are 12, 6 & 9months old. Itd great to have the older ones help out with baby & I got to spend a lot of time w them as babies.
I prob would've got insane if they were a yr or 2 apart. ..then again Im a lil insane w three kids period. :)

Posted 4/1/14 10:21 AM

I'm a lucky mama

Member since 1/10

7585 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

dd1 will be 4 in June and I just had dd2. Im loving the age gap.
dd1 is such a great helper. I think it makes having another child so much easier.
So far so good. Im glad there was that age spacing.

Posted 4/1/14 10:44 AM

Baby no. 3 coming soon!

Member since 6/09

5738 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

My two DDs are almost 3 years apart to the day (their bdays are a day apart). I always wanted to have kids 2 years apart, but so far, I find this a good age range. At 3 DD1 is a little challenging BUT she is potty trained so I'm only buying diapers for one. She is more independent and will entertain herself during nursing sessions or when I need to be with the baby. She is in school 2 days a week now (3 next year) so I get some 1 on 1 time with the baby. She likes to help—get diapers, grab other items I need, help with bath time.

Posted 4/1/14 10:51 AM


Member since 10/09

1320 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

I had 3 losses too and then a year when we couldn't get pregnant. Finally went through IUI to conceive #2 AND #3. I was upset about the 4 year age difference at first, but the more I think about it the better I think it will be. DD will be 4 when the twins arrive and she's already so excited about the pregnancy. She talks to the babies and "tickles their toes" every night. Especially since twins are on the way I'm really grateful that daycare costs won't overlap for too long.

Posted 4/1/14 10:55 AM


Member since 1/06

3508 total posts


3+ year age gap

4.5 years between my girls an I'm happy I waited. DD1 is in prek so I have time with the baby and DD1 adores her little sister. She has told me that she's sad that she doesn't have me all to herself so j had been trying to do special things with her but even with that I'm happy with the age gap.

Posted 4/1/14 11:40 AM

LIF Adolescent

Member since 8/05

879 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

There is a 4 year age gap between DD and DS. This worked out so well for our family. When DS was born my daughter was 4. She was extremely excited to be a big sister and was very helpful with the baby. She was old enough so that she was able to occupy herself when I was with the baby and not get jealous.

Now, DS is 2 and DD is 6. It still is working out terrifically. They have a great relationship. She plays with him, keeps him occupied when I need to do things around the house. She continues to not get jealous of him and he just adores her.

Good luck!!

Posted 4/1/14 2:10 PM

Mama to 3!?!?!?

Member since 7/06

8069 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

Posted by Hofstra26

My DD and DS are exactly 4.5 yrs apart and although I didn't want kids so spaced out I'm actually loving the age difference.

It's nice, and a lot easier, having one kid who is more self sufficient (and in school) when you have a baby in the house. She had no trouble at all adjusting to the baby being born, she is so gentle and loving with him, and they adore each other. It's really been very nice having the bigger age gap........I really don't have any complaints. Turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Chat Icon

I agree with all of this 100% My DD was 4.5 when our twins were born. She has been an amazing helper. I had hoped to have them 2-3 years apart, but am so happy with the way it turned out. (especially since we ended up with twins!)

Posted 4/2/14 12:29 PM

Welcome to the world Chase

Member since 9/08

6162 total posts


Re: 3+ year age gap

I really don't think age gap matters as much as people think. My sister and I are almost 4 years apart and we are extremely close. Growing up I was able to help my mom when she was born. I think that's a big positive. Plus you won't have 2 in diapers!!!

It's great for friendships too. I had my own friends growing up, as did my sister. A friend of mine had a sister close in age and they "shared" friends. I know she hated it growing up.

And the other thing I think of as a big positive is they won't be in the same stage of schooling. Maybe not important now, but will be easier when they go to college. It's easier to pay for if you don't have 2 going at the same time

Good luck!!!

Posted 4/2/14 1:02 PM
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