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lakadema
LIF Adult
Member since 5/08 1180 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: What would you tell DH?
I think you should go with your gut. It sounds like this position change would actually cause you more stress and him less. Plenty of women come home from work everyday, make dinner, bath the kids and handle homework. He can certainly manage as well. There are plenty of times in life when we need to make decisions that are best for our families, not necessarily what's best for us personally.
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Posted 5/15/13 1:32 PM  |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: What would you tell DH?
If he feels unfulfilled in a dead-end job then I would probably encourage him to take a job with better future potential. Yes it would be less money and more expenses right now, but since you've said you are making more than enough to cover your expenses it would be worth the short term sacrifice IMO.
If he is just overwhelmed with responsibilities at home, I would try to find a way to ease the pressure on him. Only he can tell you what he needs.
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| Posted 5/15/13 1:38 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: What would you tell DH?
Posted by lynnd126
What time do you get home? I don't know about ur house but in mine bed time is such a shit show. If I were him the dinner stuff wouldn't be a big deal but being in charge of bedtime alone would be a stressor.
Two nights I don't get home until 8:30. The other nights its 6:00-6:30. But next years schedule looks like two 8:00 nights and two 7:00 nights. DH is not going to be happy.
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| Posted 5/15/13 1:47 PM |
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Traysee
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 652 total posts
Name:
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What would you tell DH?
If one salary is enough to live on then it sounds like your household can handle the pay cut, even though it's less... it's still manageable. I think how you presented it is how you should discuss it. To me it sounds like he is pulling his half of the weight with raising the kids. What is wrong with that? He might be doing four evenings a week, but you are doing as much prep work for him as you can and you are both working. If I read this right you bring in almost as much as he does. I feel like the expectation for child care is always on the woman.
If he is truly unhappy at his current job then I think you need to see if the pros out weight the cons. Can you take on more hours to supplement the cut in pay and extra expenses?
Last year my husband was faced with a change in jobs and he decided to leave his company for a "bigger and better company" with more stability. They offered him a minor pay increase, the same benefits and guaranteed the overtime hours he was already getting. Him and a senior coworker both switched to the new company. The day they started with the new company their supervisor told them they dropped all the overtime. They lots a ton of money. The company is very unstable. They have been there over a year and they are both incredibly miserable. The new company in continually laying people off. He told me last night they are laying off 4 more people in his department. The grass isn't always greener. I hope he knows for certain this is going to pay off in the future.
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| Posted 5/15/13 1:50 PM |
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Re: What would you tell DH?
I took a higher paying job close to home but gave up my job security as a result. Now I'm sorry I did that because I lost it!
In this day and age.... Sometimes job security is worth a lot!!!
That being said, a discussion about whether this is THE move to make is in order. It sounds like you have a good thing going. Who instituted this job change? Him, or his boss?
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| Posted 5/15/13 2:19 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: What would you tell DH?
Posted by lipglossjunky73
I took a higher paying job close to home but gave up my job security as a result. Now I'm sorry I did that because I lost it!
In this day and age.... Sometimes job security is worth a lot!!!
That being said, a discussion about whether this is THE move to make is in order. It sounds like you have a good thing going. Who instituted this job change? Him, or his boss?
A higher up in another department is the one who mentioned this opportunity to him. He feels, and it's true, that my husband is underutilized and knows there is nowhere for him to go within his current job. It would still be for the same company, just a different, larger office.
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| Posted 5/15/13 2:40 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: What would you tell DH?
Posted by Traysee
If one salary is enough to live on then it sounds like your household can handle the pay cut, even though it's less... it's still manageable. I think how you presented it is how you should discuss it. To me it sounds like he is pulling his half of the weight with raising the kids. What is wrong with that? He might be doing four evenings a week, but you are doing as much prep work for him as you can and you are both working. If I read this right you bring in almost as much as he does. I feel like the expectation for child care is always on the woman.
This is it exactly. He feels he shouldn't have to work full time and do half the parenting as well. And yes, you read it right. I don't make much less then him in my part time position. His solution is always that I should get a regular full time job and then we're both in the same boat and will share responsibilities. I think that's just ridiculous. Why in the world would I give up a part time position making probably more then I would in my field. I left a joyrnalism job after 4 years before my dance school and was making $36,000. I make more then that now.
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| Posted 5/15/13 2:45 PM |
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Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
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What would you tell DH?
This is tough. Based on what you wrote, I don't see the positives in this situation. I do see a lot of negatives, though, and resentment being the big one. If the shoe were on the other foot, I feel like a woman would wait for a better opportunity down the road than jump on this one knowing all the cons it comes with.
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| Posted 5/15/13 3:22 PM |
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KimberlyScott
Graceyn=My World <3
Member since 10/08 4173 total posts
Name:
Kimberly
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What would you tell DH?
I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I would feel bad too, restricting DH from a positive career move. I would just try and talk to him and explain that is not about you or him anymore. Its about the kids. I agree with the PP, you guys have a good thing going for you right now.
My DH HATES his job with a passion but he keeps it bc it works for our situation. I work FT, he works a rotating schedule so he is home with our DD sometimes 4 times a week taking care of her bc he doesnt want her in daycare for longer then she has to be.
Message edited 5/15/2013 4:05:15 PM.
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| Posted 5/15/13 4:04 PM |
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ANR1211
My loves
Member since 2/11 2131 total posts
Name:
A
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What would you tell DH?
Honestly, I couldn't imagine ever saying no to DH if he was unhappy in his job and thought he would eventually be able to move forward even if it meant a pay cut and longer commute. I think you need to have a long discussion with DH about it. Would he resent you if you didn't support him? I completely see where you are coming from and it's nice to hear what others would do in this situation. Ultimately, it is a decision you two have to make as a couple. Good luck!
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| Posted 5/15/13 6:49 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: What would you tell DH?
my husband turned down offers in the past for his work for those reasons. They were offers with no raise, less time at home and more childcare- which would cost more money.
Both times he turned it down after we talked about it. It just wasn't right for our family at that time.
Yes career is important. But i'm a big believer in family is more important. 
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| Posted 5/15/13 8:52 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you tell DH?
Posted by ali120206
Posted by Bridex100
If the new job was truly a positive career move and DH was unhappy in his current position, I would support him 100%. I feel most moves within a company should have pay increases or at minimum be a lateral move with equal pay. If it is a different role that he has always wanted, that would be ok too.
If he is seeking another position that is further away for less pay just so he can get out of childcare duties during weeknights, that is unacceptable!
I agree.
I agree...
and if you look at what OP said ... she seems happy in what SHE is doing and says the job change for him would be POSITIVE & MORE STABILITY. I'd want my Dh to be happy, especially when I am.. My dh would kill for this... job stability which he doesn't have now, in a market where so many people are out of jobs.
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| Posted 5/15/13 11:53 PM |
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| Pages: 1 [2] |
