Oy voy vey... Alex stole from me

So, today I was putting away clothes and noticed Alex getting something from under her dresser. As soon as she saw me she jumped back and pretended it was nothing.

So I looked, and it was a bandaid box with a piece of gum in it. She admitted that she stole it out of my purse yesterday.

I'm disappointed, to say the least. I told DH I think this is a wake-up call that maybe we are a little too strict with eating healthy. Although the truth is, ever since YaYa was born, we have been so lax, and I make a point of giving her random treats throughout the week. Just today I let her have a treat at the museum after lunch.

Is this normal? Anyone else deal with anything like this with their 5+ year old? What do I do? Is my little Alex on the track for an eating disorder???

Re: Oy voy vey... Alex stole from me

Up till this summer I was pretty strict with what DD1 ate. But the fact that she was starting kindergarten this past September made me realize that I couldnt let her be the 'weird' girl who didnt know what McDonald's was. So I took her....and what did she choose?? the Happy Meal of course. A hamburger, the apples with dip and milk. She ate half the burger, the apples (minus the dip because she said it was too sweet) and drank all her milk. There were also cookies in the bag but since she was full she threw those out.
We took DD out for her 5th birthday and we took her to a cupcake shoppe. She picked a mini cupcake and ate the 2 pieces of candy that topped the cupcake and left the rest.
I can go on and on with the stories...

but as for gum...its the one candy my daughter is OBSESSED with!! The reason...because I dont let her have it. Why dont I let her have it? Because she choked on the very first piece I ever gave her and now I'm paranoid that it will happen again. I keep a bowl on the counter full of lollipops and she NEVER touches them. I guess its because I allow he to have 1 as a treat on occasion and never tell her no to it.

Having had a weight problem myself I was always conscious of what I allowed her to eat but made sure not to say any foods were 'bad'. The one food I absolutely deny her is the only thing she has ever 'begged' me for.

Re: Oy voy vey... Alex stole from me

Not there yet, but I guess I would give a lecture/lesson about stealing/taking something that doesn't belong to you/asking for something you want.

Gum scares the cr*ap out of me since it is a chocking hazard. Do I think you need to giv eher more "junk food" to compensate? NO! However, maybe ask her why she felt she had to steal/hide form you and go with her response from there... Good luck

Re: Oy voy vey... Alex stole from me

Hmmm...

What part bothers you:

The fact that she stole?
Or the fact she stole gum?

If she stole, say - berries from the fridge without telling you, would that bother you as much? Or if she was hiding carrots in the tin?

Do you think she hid it from you because she thought you would say no to the gum, or because she is just trying out mfreedom of having her own things - and decided to see if she could get asway with something forbidden? Something from mommy's purse?

I feel that there is no way to look at an isolated case and assume that something worse will happen as a result in the future...

I would tell her this:

You saw the gum, and do not like her sneaking things from you guys (that would bother me the most - the fact she is hiding things )

I would ask that instead of her hiding, that she ask you, and you will say yes when she asks.

If she goes overboard with asking, set up some kind of schedule when she CAN get it (you know, like... a sticker chart- LOL!) but she will lose those privileges if she sneaks.

Message edited 1/8/2011 5:41:31 PM.

Re: Oy voy vey... Alex stole from me

I really don't think it's the start of an eating disorder. I would talk to her about the stealing and being sneaky. I honestly think that it might be sheer curiosity and she figured you would say no. Encourage her to ask you about things if she is curious

Re: Oy voy vey... Alex stole from me

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Hmmm...

What part bothers you:

The fact that she stole?
Or the fact she stole gum?

If she stole, say - berries from the fridge without telling you, would that bother you as much? Or if she was hiding carrots in the tin?

Do you think she hid it from you because she thought you would say no to the gum, or because she is just trying out mfreedom of having her own things - and decided to see if she could get asway with something forbidden? Something from mommy's purse?

I feel that there is no way to look at an isolated case and assume that something worse will happen as a result in the future...

I would tell her this:

You saw the gum, and do not like her sneaking things from you guys (that would bother me the most - the fact she is hiding things )

I would ask that instead of her hiding, that she ask you, and you will say yes when she asks.

If she goes overboard with asking, set up some kind of schedule when she CAN get it (you know, like... a sticker chart- LOL!) but she will lose those privileges if she sneaks.

Re: Oy voy vey... Alex stole from me

She obviously hid it because she knows it was wrong to steal, which is a good thing in a way since it's not like she's unaware of wrong and right. And I can see a 5 yr old being tempted by gum to it was based on a childish whim. My DS took a silver dollar that was sitting on my DH's dresser once and I told him it was stealing. He was so open about it so he didn't even see it as stealing but he needed to hear how you don't take things, even small things that you know are not yours, even if it's a parents. I didn't want to blow it out of proportion but he needed to hear to backlash of stealing. Not just a punishment from us - but if he did that to a friend. Or in a store. We also had an incident where someone stole something from my DD at school - a dinky little band aid holder my DH got at a trade show but it was hers and she as upset. Both were a good chance to discuss the right & wrong thing to do. Whether it's something they did or something another kid did, I discuss it with them in a "what if" kind of way or how did it make you feel way? Like - how would you feel if a friend (don't use an actual friend's name) came over and stole Item X from you? Those kinds of scenarios. I'd keep it simpler for a smaller child but when I give scenarios, they always seem to understand better than just preaching to them. I'm big on scenarios whether it's strangers, stealing, proper behavior , etc. and they seem to "get it" in that way and always ask lots of questions. And I definitely wouldn't worry about an eating disorder.

Message edited 1/9/2011 11:13:47 AM.