Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

I was a size 16-18 back in 2005 and lost 45 lbs over the course of 3 years. I was a size 12 for my wedding a year ago, and still wearing 12s (although quite snugly) when I got PG (up 15 lbs from my wedding). It was still the most healthy I'd been since... well, probably middle school.

Now, I honestly still think i just look fat, but even DH says he thinks I look pregnant now (at 26 w).

The scale is about 10 lbs away from my highest weight ever at this point and it's absolutely heartbreaking for me. I thought I was going to be ok with this when I got PG but I want to cry all the time for how heavy I have gotten again. I've only gained 17 lbs since getting PG (I'm 26 w) but with the 15 lbs since the wedding, I'm really only 13 lbs away from my heaviest... and I still have 14 weeks to go.

My doctor isn't concerned one iota with my weight gain (I've only gained 2 lbs since I was at my appointment 2 weeks ago, so I'm basing it on that). He originally told me 25 - 35 lbs when we first met would be fine, even though I started out heavier. (I basically tipped the BMI scale just a point or so under on the "overweight" side where it hits "obese.)

I'm so hungry right now but I've vowed to myself to stop eating constantly just because I'm hungry. I had some yogurt with cereal in it at 4 as a snack and an apple at 5:30... I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry to go off on this huge self-pity post... but it's just what's going through my mind these days. I do wonder if any bigger girls feel the way I do as far as gaining weight during their PG goes...

Please don't quote... I might delete this depending on how I feel later. But I do hope someone can give me some feedback on how to look in the mirror and remember I'm pregnant (somehow the baby kicking all the time doesn't help me get it through my skull) or if this isn't ok and I should be getting help controlling my weight? I go to the gym 4 days a week still so it can't be that... I'm in good shape, health-wise... just my body image is so awful.

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

Youre not alone

I actually have broken down and cried. Im heavier now then Ive ever been and I cant help but torture myself b/c if I hadnt gained so much weight before I got PG then Id probably be at a lesser weight at the end then I am now. There are many times I say to myself "Im going to eat healthier no more junk" or I wont eat when Im hungry.

Thing is, I went through a lot to get to this point so I shouldnt be complaining about anything. Its hard though to adjust to a body you arent used to.(especially since my DH lost 90 lbs and is so thin now but I digress) My DH keeps telling me my weight is the LAST thing I should be worrying about...and he's right. Theres plenty of time to take the weight off after the baby is born. As long as you and the baby are healthy, thats all that matters.

Oh and Ive seen your pics, you def look preggo NOT fat

edited for spelling

Message edited 10/1/2010 6:35:23 PM.

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

Oh Sandra, I know how you feel. It's really hard battling weight, especially when you lost so much. I was up to my highest in 2008. It freaked me out. I was 52 pounds from the highest point of a normal body weight for my height. Back then I didn't feel as big as when I stepped on that scale. I still lost 12 pounds but gained 4 of those back.

Last year when I was preparing for my wedding, I lost an additional 20 lbs. It was great, I felt great and looked better, not best.

After the wedding, I let myself go a few more pounds. Food in Spain was amazing and I wanted to eat myself through my honeymoon.

Now that I'm pregnant, I am, at last weigh in, 8 pounds away from my highest weight. It scares me. I don't want to gain anymore weight but it's hard not to eat. I'm hungry all of the time. I sometimes am hungry and tired in bed and I choose to eat. It's not the best but i know I am determined to lose the weight again after the baby.

Don't let yourself be hungry. You aren't letting yourself go, you are just providing comfort for that beautiful little girl inside of you. Weight isn't permanent but your child is. Don't let it get you down.

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

I've been feeling the same way, so you are not alone. I gained about 5lb after the wedding during the honeymoon and almost immediately found out that I was pregnant. Im only 9w6d and i have gained 8lbs! Thats 8 on top of my 5. I feel very self-conscience about it. I try to just be "in the moment" and be happy but i often beat myself up over eating too much.

I think it's just important to remember that we are blessed to be in the position that we are in and focus on being healthy for our LO's.

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

Oh I've totally been feeling the same way. I had been really heavy when I was younger. . lost a lot of weight and lost more for the wedding. Since the wedding I gained 10-12 lbs and then about 12 since I got pregnant and while I am trying to be positive, it's hard bc I just don't feel good in my body.

and I know it doesn't help bc it's more about what you feel but in that last belly pic you posted you honestly looked beautiful and preggo and not heavy at all. . .

for me, I just really am trying to find nicer clothes and then put on more makeup than I usually do just to make myself feel a little more done up. I also keep working which makes me feel better. I know you do that too. It's just hard! Especially since I in general tend to weigh even more than I look like I should so the number on the scale appalls me.

Hang in there! and if you ever want to vent know that we're here for you. I think they should have courses in body image for preggers!

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

HugHughug!!
I replied about your pics in my post, but I love them! you don't look fat - you look pregnant!! Your pics make me feel better that i won't just look fat for the next 6 months!!

Before I got pregnant, I weighed the second highest i have ever weighed. I went on weight watchers, lost 15 pounds then got my BFP. So I know how it feels.

I refuse to weight myself at home. i don't want to know. I only gained 2 pounds in my first 12 weeks and the dr didn't say anything about it. The only thing he said about my weight was that I should do the glucose test earlier. 2 pounds is nothing... and remember so much of the weight you gain will be baby and placenta!


I look in the mirror, pull or push my shirt and turn until I look pregnant or fat. That is how I do it! But then I'll have my pjs on and look like a big lump and feel just gross and fat.

I know i will go past my highest and I just try not to think about it... BUT I am eating very healthy - fruit every day, healthy cereal and oatmeal, yogurt... salads when i go out. And THAT helps too;. I try to eat the WW way only a bit more. Though I do eat candy and stuff, (which i didn't on WW) I just try to control it!

I mean... you HAVE to gain weight to have a healthy baby, it helps to keep that in mind. I have not cried yet... I am sure it is coming! but I just try not to think about it!

Hang in there!!! Once you have the baby, you can work off all those pounds and look as fabulous as you are! BUT you look so fabulously pregnant right now!

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

I know how you feel. I'm currently a 16/18 and it is all in my stomach, butt, hip and thighs. So of course the first 'noticeable' change was that my hips got wider. Now that the belly is starting, I go back and forth between looking fat and maybe looking pregnant. As I was telling my friend the other day, every day is a fat day, and some days I have fatter days. I am very angry at myself for letting myself go.

You look amazing, and you totally look pregnant. You give me hope that I will look pregnant too. I see some of the skinnier girls on here that are just belly and I want to cry. I look in the mirror and I do cry. I make sure I don't step on the scale at home. I only let the Dr weigh me. I have a few clothing items that make me feel good and I put them into heavy rotation in my wardrobe. I try to remind myself that this is a good thing and try to convince myself that I will go to the gym, and take the baby for walks and get into shape after the baby is born. I just try to take one day at a time.

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

Please don't feel like you are alone. I didn't feel self conscious about my weight with my older son but I really felt it with this pregnancy. I always felt fat instead of pregnant. I felt uncomfortable with the way I looked and it made me cringe when I saw the numbers going up on the scale.

Now that my second son is born, I have lost almost 30lbs in less than 3 weeks. Sure, I have a lot of non-pregnancy weight to lose but I am motivated to do it. Not just for looks, but for my health and for the longevity of life with my children.

Just hang in there. Be healthy for your unborn child and worry about the weight later.

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

You ladies are amazing... your strength and honesty... thank you for all your kind words and your understanding and empathy. Every day I say to DH that I feel so fat now and he just looks at me because he knows why I feel that way, it's so hard to fight that feeling like I'm doing something so wrong.

Kathleen, that's amazing you lost 30 lbs in 3 weeks! That is such an inspiration! In my head, 30 lbs should take a year to lose, and I can't imagine how the body can possibly snap back so quickly after delivery.

Sometimes I dream that maybe once the baby is born, I'll be able to lose all the PG weight and the post-wedding weight, and then some! Like suddenly my body will have a zippy metabolism and I won't give in to hedonistic cravings. It seems like such pie in the sky dreams, but maybe it can happen?

Thank you all so much again. I'm going to keep my post up because I don't feel as embarrassed and alone anymore. I hope it will help some other ladies going through what we're going through looking in the mirror during what's supposed to be such a beautiful time in our lives.

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

I so understand how you feel too!! I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I swore that I would lose weight before I got pg but nope I weighed more then I ever did so now of course with gaining weight with the baby is hard to deal with! I don't want to stress over it because I want to do what's healthiest for the baby but its still hard to watch the scale go up.Try not to be upset! Your beautiful Sandra pregnant or not!!

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

Im not sure what you consider bigger-sometimes i feel not so big but I guess im at least 25-30 pounds overweight to start. When I had my son I gained about 35 pounds. I would say its inevatable and just be ready to take it off after. Enjoy this time, you can always lose the weight if you want to. This time around i am on prednsone and gonna be huge. Im really trying to watch what I eat!

Re: Spinoff for bigger gals... am I the only one who sometimes wants to cry when I see myself looking so big?

Sandra first off I want to say that in all your pictures you look like a beautiful pregnant lady. You look fantastic! And I am saying that with complete honesty.

I like you hate getting on the scale. I looked my best for the wedding. After the wedding I stopped working out and started working on my grad program. I gained about 15 pounds and when I found out I was PG i was at the heaviest I have ever been. It was not fun.

But I remind myself every day that there is a precious little baby growing inside and that I was to do anythnig and everything to make sure they are healthy. That includes eatting. And I know that you are keeping as healthy as possible. I admire your ability to keep going to the gym. Because I was not workingout before I go PG the doctor did not let me start a workout routine. He said I could start pre-natal yoga but I have yet to start.

So I can empathize with you. But I do want you to know that I admire your ability to do pushups at the gym when I can barley make it up to the third floor where my class is. So remember that you have a little loving child inside and they deserve the best you can give them. We will all be working together after our babies are born to lose the weight and you know you can always relie on the LIF girls to help you maintain your motivation!