Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

Major vent here - I warn you in advance it may be long!

DH's dad teaches in a college not far from where we live. Last week he asked if he could come over in the middle of the afternoon, while DH would be at work to see the baby. I told him I had lunch plans.

He was supposed to come over tonight, but we are having problems with our roof, and his girlfriend had a fire in her house (everyone is OK), so that's cancelled.
He usually comes over on Wednesdays after work, but DH has an appointment this week so that won't work.
Well, he just called and asked if he could come tomorrow late morning. I told him that I'm sorry, but mornings are NEVER good - we sleep late because we're up late. Then he said, "Well, what about early afternoon". I said I'm sorry, its just not a good time.

DH already talked to him about inviting himself over once before. He explained that we want to see him, but we will invite him when its a good time for us. And now here he goes doing it again. It puts me in an awkward position.

I REALLY don't want to spend my afternoons with him - I get along with him just fine, but he's not my dad. He should come over when his son his here, and not invite himself. I don't want to have to get up early or rearrange my day for him. The mornings/ early afternoons are the only time i have to sleep and get anything done around the house. I am overreacting?

Thank you for making it this far.

WWYD?

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

i dont think you are overreacting AT ALL. but then again im in the same situation. FIL doesnt work right now so its like he has nothing better to do i try to ignore as many calls as i can and hoenstly sometimes i ignore the calls and leave cause i know he'll just show up! Hes gotten better with the just showing up but its so annoying i HATE when hes here without my husband. I usually tell him shes napping or something

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

First since I know that you're frustrated.

I personally, and this is just me, don't see anything wrong with his calling and asking to come see his grandchild. If he was dropping in unannounced or calling when he was 2 min. away from your house that would be different, but since he's calling a day or more beforehand I think that it's great that he is so interested in being a part of your dc's life. In our family, and again this is just us, what he is doing is a normal thing & I would be more upset if my family or dh's had no interest in ever coming over or seeing our ds and/or if they never took the initiative to visit. Sorry, I know that's probably not what you want to hear

ETA: I'm sorry - I never said what I'd do You mentioned that he tends to come over when you want/need to do stuff around the house...can you trust him to watch your dc while you go off & do what you need to around that house? That's what I do now sometimes...I turn the visit into a free babysitting session while I do laundry, etc lol

Message edited 3/14/2010 6:44:47 PM.

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

Hey I am actually kinda jealous he is trying to call and set up a time that IS good for all of you! MY MIL just comes by unannounced! Never calls and just rings the bell..."I'm here!" Even if she is in the area, a phone call to warn me would be nice! Never! I love(teehee) when I am out when she does stop by bec I am hoping it will give her the idea to call the next time (but it never does)

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

Posted by jam11308

First since I know that you're frustrated.

I personally, and this is just me, don't see anything wrong with his calling and asking to come see his grandchild. If he was dropping in unannounced or calling when he was 2 min. away from your house that would be different, but since he's calling a day or more beforehand I think that it's great that he is so interested in being a part of your dc's life. In our family, and again this is just us, what he is doing is a normal thing & I would be more upset if my family or dh's had no interest in ever coming over or seeing our ds and/or if they never took the initiative to visit. Sorry, I know that's probably not what you want to hear

ETA: I'm sorry - I never said what I'd do You mentioned that he tends to come over when you want/need to do stuff around the house...can you trust him to watch your dc while you go off & do what you need to around that house? That's what I do now sometimes...I turn the visit into a free babysitting session while I do laundry, etc lol

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

Why is he coming over when his son isn't there?

I have zero in common with my FIL, so I completely understand.

My IL's have this unwritten rule that they can "drop by", usually unannounced, on Sundays because they're out from Brooklyn (they have a house in Kings Park). It's like a given.

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

It depends on the relationship you have. I would have no problem having mil or sfil over without dh home to see the kids. My mil asks to come over about every other weekend and for the most part we make time for her. If dh's father wants to come then dh HAS to be home. I barely know the guy and do not feel comfortable. I have only seen him a handful of times in the 8 years we have been together.

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

I dont see anything wrong with this either. If he were just showing up unannounced that would be one thing. But he seems to be understanding of times that arent good for you and is just trying to suggest times that work. I cant blame a grandfather for calling and trying to schedule a time to see his granchild. I think that since it seems to be a steady thing that he comes on Weds nights that work for you guys, but cant this week that there is nothing wrong with him trying to find another time. He sounds like hes being more than accomodating.

Thats just me personally, I tend to go out of my way to make time for DHs parents even if DH isnt around so they can see DS bc I think its important for him.

Sorry you are frustrated though.

Message edited 3/14/2010 11:20:59 PM.

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

Luckily my ILs live upstate, so they never invite themselves over - but if they were close, I'd be very uncomfortable with them coming by when DH wasn't here.
I would tell them that weekends are the best time for you since your schedule is very unpredictable during the week. My parents live close by and come over once a week on the weekends. I think this works well for all of us. They would never just call and say they wanted to come over. I kind of feel like inviting themselves over is over-stepping the boundaries.

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

Posted by jerseypanda

Posted by jam11308

First since I know that you're frustrated.

I personally, and this is just me, don't see anything wrong with his calling and asking to come see his grandchild. If he was dropping in unannounced or calling when he was 2 min. away from your house that would be different, but since he's calling a day or more beforehand I think that it's great that he is so interested in being a part of your dc's life. In our family, and again this is just us, what he is doing is a normal thing & I would be more upset if my family or dh's had no interest in ever coming over or seeing our ds and/or if they never took the initiative to visit. Sorry, I know that's probably not what you want to hear

ETA: I'm sorry - I never said what I'd do You mentioned that he tends to come over when you want/need to do stuff around the house...can you trust him to watch your dc while you go off & do what you need to around that house? That's what I do now sometimes...I turn the visit into a free babysitting session while I do laundry, etc lol

ITA with this.

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

There are times that I have so many things to do around the house...and I feel so bad leaving DD in her crib or on her swing so I can get things done...if it were me I would use the opportunity of your fil's visit to get things done. When he calls...I would say..."I have so many things to do around the house.." So you are not expected to entertain your fil...and he knows you won't be sitting and chit chatting with him. I do this when my DH's grandmother comes over UNANNOUNCED. She plays with DD while I do laundry and tidy up the house. Sometimes I even sneak into the office and go online.

I think its great that your fil wants to see your DC...and every once in a while I would try to accomodate.

Re: Anyone else's in-laws constantly invite themselves over?

I get along with him, but I do not trust him to babysit.

I know, it is wonderful that he wants to be involved, and I don't mean to sound ungrateful about that.

However, he is not trying to find a time that is good for everyone, he is finding a time that is good for him. An example of this - He originally invited himself over for today, and when we said 5:00 would work for us and we can have dinner, he said that he'd rather come earlier..... I find this kind of behavior annoying, and he does it all the time. He makes us feel guilty for not bending over backwards to accommodate his schedule.

I think that if you are invited to someone's house for dinner, to ask to come for lunch is just rude.

Im still venting, sorry!

I do appreciate the honest input, and it did help me put things in perspective - I think I'd go nuts if he just stopped by without asking.

Im also having my first real period since DD was born, so that may be affecting my mood too!