anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Just asking. DH's step son's can to live with us shortly after we made a year of being married. Just want to know if there was anyone who had live in step children and no kids of their own. I am just asking bc it's different having step kids that come and visit to step kids who live at home, and wanted to know who to reach out to bc that person may relate more this than someone who has stepkids that live with their BM'S.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

My stepson lived with us up until last year when he decided to go live with his mom. It is definitley alot different!

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

My SS lived with us until a month ago when he turned 18 (does't like house rules). DH was awarded full custody when SS was 8.

I lived with DH and SS for 2 years. It's totally different with SS not living with us now. Now DH and I are getting our newleywed time.

I know how you must feel.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Message edited 9/16/2009 4:13:46 PM.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Posted by Mrs. Ben

Posted by KimberlyScott

Posted by Mrs. Ben

Posted by KimberlyScott

My SS lived with us until a month ago when he turned 18 (doesn't like house rules). DH was awarded full custody when SS was 8.

I lived with DH and SS for 2 years. It's totally different with SS not living with us now. Now DH and I are getting our newlywed time.

I know how you must feel.

DH always knew I did not want this lifestyle but sadly SS's BM is a worthless POS that she handed them over to DH about 4 months ago. It's frustrating at times bc in a sense my life has change, our life has change, not to mention that his family is not supportive and could careless about his kids. I have accepted this new life and have really worked hard with DH but sometimes I feel like this is not what I want for me...it's just tough. Especially when I say or do things that he doesn't like.

I am not a kid person and he knew that before he got with me, this is not to say that I don't care for them or don't treat them with respect, but there are just certain things that irritates me...such as, screaming in our house (I am used to peace and quite) running around, their bedtime. DH is really good in accepting my rules but sometime I feel like they are broken over and over again and I just get so tired! I just need advice in how to hope with an 8 & 11 year old and the fact that I no longer have privacy in my home, that I no longer can think of DH and I just doing wtvr at wtvr time. I need advice on how to cope with a man who does not understand that certain things do bother me and that it's normal for me not to be 100% always happy with our new life. I really feel things will fall into place once I have my own child, bc then my own kid will change my life from that of a "single women" bc even if I am married I can easily do what I want on my own as I don't have a child holding me back from doing things. For the most part things are okay but there are days where I am not happy...I don't take it out on DH or SS's..but I want to be happy all the time!

What your feeling is totally normal. In fact you handled it better then I did, I took it out on DH and SS. I was miserable and wondered to myself why did I chosen this? My circumstances are different b/c I knew that SS lived with DH. SS was 16 at the time and driving. He wasn't home that much but when he was he had friends coming in all of the time, would use up the phone for hours, etc. and I know that that's what kids do, but, frankly what I thought I was ready for I wasn't.

My SS's mom is a POS too!! That is why DH has full custody. That doesn't make it any easier for you.

My only advice would be to just give it some time. After a while I got used to all of the kids in and out and eating over and music blasting, etc and I got used to it. Now that he's no longer living with us I kinda of....a tiny weeny bit miss it.

DH and I fought alot at first b/c of school, rules, homework, curfew, chores and it got us nowhere. Do yourself a favor and let DH raise his kids.

Also, pick up a copy of the Step Monster. I just got it from amazon.com and the introduction just about summed up my feelings.

On another note: How is yr relationship with SS?

See that's the problem..I know they will reach that age but I will not accept kids coming in and out my house. DH had this kid also 11 come over to play games and I was like let this be the last time. #1 I don't like kids, #2 I don't need starnge kids in my house (they can be bad kids for all I know) and #3 No kid should be in my house unless DH has a relationship with their parents. Like I told DH, that kid could disappear get killed and he was last seen in our house. Point blank, I would never allow my kids over anyone's home unless I really know the parents.

As far as my relationship goes I see myself more of an adult who is a role model and who treats them with respect and who guides them in the right direction. I make them see what it is that they did wrong and why it is wrong. I help them with HW, BUT I don't sit down to play with them, something that it has always bothered DH. BUT I am not a kid person...****, he knew this b4 we got married, and not to mention that this was a SURPRISE drop off, he can't expect me to be 100% happy about the situation. I can say I don't love his kids as if they were mine bc the truth is I don't have my own! I felt that my life got invaded with this change but I do not show this towards them. I can assure you they like me over their mother but it's just hard. Thinking about buying a house, and me wanting to pick an empty bedroom to keep it open before I have a child before DH picks his kids bedroom and how that may get us into an argument. Know what I mean? I just hope that they come out to be good boys who do not give us a problem in the future. After all they are now being raised properly since they have been living with us. I just wish that they had a loving mom, bc I feel that all kids belong with their mom, but of course we do find some monster's in this world and everyone pays for it, not only the kids, but me too. If this would have happened before I got married in all honesty I probably would not have gotten married.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Can I ask how old you are?

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Message edited 9/16/2009 4:39:55 PM.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

I can understand where this was a huge adjustment for you but also think about the huge adjustment for your SS's. I am sure they are having a tough time dealing with the big change as well. Are they good kids? Do they respect you and DH? It could be a lot worse, eventually you will all fall into a routine. Also as far as you not wanting to play with them, how about family game night once a week? We used to play Monopoly with SD every week and we enjoyed the family time and togetherness. You might find you enjoy it more than you would think. Or you can do family movie night this way you are spending quality time with them other than just homework, etc.

As far as them having friends over, as long as they are supervised by you and DH and you get to know the kids, I think it is fine. They need to have friends and be able to have friends over. We had no problem when SD had friends over b/c she needed kids her age to be around other than just DH and I. This would also be a good way for you to get to know them and their parents through "play dates" , etc.

I hope you are able to work your feelings out, like I said, I am sure everyone in your home is trying to adjust to the change.

Good Luck.

Message edited 9/17/2009 8:55:04 AM.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Let me just thank you ladies for taking the time out to respond to me

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

I hear you about not wanting children in your home that are not respectful and use profain language. SD had a friend like that that we werent' too sure of and I honestly did not trust her. Maybe you can limit the "visits" to one day a week or to one or two friends at a time. Also, it is your home, feel free to let them know that certain areas of the house are off limits. We had a problem with SD wanting to hang out with her friend in our bedroom and play with my makeup, we quickly had to put a stop to that, her room and living room only and my personal belongings were off limits.

I know it is hard, but it sounds like you are in the right direction with rules and respect, believe it or not, they do like structure. When did you SSs move in with you and DH?

As far as waking up early on the weekends, you and DH should have a talk with them and let them know that if they want to get up early and watch tv, play video games, etc. that is okay but to be considerate and try to be quiet since others may want to sleep in. I know that sounds selfish but that is what we had to do with SD too, although she didn't live with us full time - we had weekends, vacation and full summers. She used to come knocking on the door, etc. until we got her to understand that we wanted to sleep a little longer. So then she would get up and just watch some TV on her own - quietly. It took a while to get to her to that point though.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

This is just my opinion, but when it comes to children, if you marry someone who has them, you should treat them as if they were your own. They didn't choose their situation, however, you (the adults) did.

I married my DH (he had 12 & 17 year old girls at the time) and one month later they moved in with us when custody was removed from his ex-wife. I did not have children of my own, but from the time I met my DH, I treated his children as I would my own or as I did my nieces/nephews. I choose my life, I knew he had children and with children comes a totally different lifestyle. If you are not ready for it, you have to get ready...they don't go away, they are your responsibility and it is your job to try to give them all the opportunities you can to develop into adulthood.

I don't think anyone is really prepared ahead of time since we never know exactly when things are going to change in our lives, but when it comes to children, we, as adults, have to give them the best of us because they learn by example and "see" and "hear" more than we think they do.

BOTTOM LINE, TO ME, SACRIFICE IS THE KEY HERE! I think anyone raising children, whether our own or someone else's, has to sacrifice many things to give them a good life. They deserve it, though, and in the end, it is rewarding to know that you did as much as you could to give someone the best shot at a good/happy life that you could.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Sorry to crash but...
Hopefully this does not come out wrong and i will do my best to not insult anyone. This is exactly what i am afraid of in my cousin's situation. He is divorced with two little girls. He is now engaged to be married to a woman who is clearly "not a kid person." This does not make her a bad person BUT my question is, then why marry someone with kids? My cousin made the decision to marry, and have these two children and he has frequent visits with them throuughout the week and on weekends. If i ever heard that the new woman he is marrying wanted practically nothing to do with his kids, and just to discipline and make rules for them, i'd slap her upside her head. These are CHILDREN. They are supposed to want to spend time with their friends. They are supposed to be noisy at times. They are supposed to get up early on the weekends and i do understand you wanting to sleep in. What some of the previous posters said was a good idea to have them play video games or watch tv or what not. But try to have some fun with these kids. It doesn't have to be anything crazy but play a game, go to a movie or have movie night. Something that will allow you to bond. You don't sound like a SM, instead, it you sound like a disgruntled babysitter who wants to quit her job. I do understand you are not a kid person, but you married someone who has kids. Kids trump spouse any day although it shouldn't be a competition. You chose to marry dh, the kids did not choose to be born. Give it some time and try to enjoy some activities with them. You'll be surprised at how much fun you can have just by doing little things with them. Good luck.

Message edited 9/20/2009 8:38:41 PM.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Posted by 1stimemom

Posted by JoesWife628

Sorry to crash but...
Hopefully this does not come out wrong and i will do my best to not insult anyone. This is exactly what i am afraid of in my cousin's situation. He is divorced with two little girls. He is now engaged to be married to a woman who is clearly "not a kid person." This does not make her a bad person BUT my question is, then why marry someone with kids? My cousin made the decision to marry, and have these two children and he has frequent visits with them throughout the week and on weekends. If i ever heard that the new woman he is marrying wanted practically nothing to do with his kids, and just to discipline and make rules for them, i'd slap her upside her head. These are CHILDREN. They are supposed to want to spend time with their friends. They are supposed to be noisy at times. They are supposed to get up early on the weekends and i do understand you wanting to sleep in. What some of the previous posters said was a good idea to have them play video games or watch tv or what not. But try to have some fun with these kids. It doesn't have to be anything crazy but play a game, go to a movie or have movie night. Something that will allow you to bond. You don't sound like a SM, instead, it you sound like a disgruntled babysitter who wants to quit her job. I do understand you are not a kid person, but you married someone who has kids. Kids trump spouse any day although it shouldn't be a competition. You chose to marry dh, the kids did not choose to be born. Give it some time and try to enjoy some activities with them. You'll be surprised at how much fun you can have just by doing little things with them. Good luck.

Quite honestly, I found your post a little insulting. It was fine up until you had to add in
"You don't sound like a SM, instead, it you sound like a disgruntled babysitter who wants to quit her job. I do understand you are not a kid person, but you married someone who has kids. Kids trump spouse any day although it shouldn't be a competition"

Until you are a step mom yourself you really have no right to say anything of the sort to someone who is.
Yes, she chose to marry her DH whom she knew had kids. However when she did so, she also married the man she knew as her boyfriend, friend, confidant, and lover. Sorry to say, but that all changes when kids are in the picture (at least sometimes). She had an "arrangement" that she was used to when she got married and THAT is what she "signed up for". She did not sign up to be a full time mommy overnight. There is a TREMENDOUS difference.

That being said, the circumstances have in fact changed, and adjustments need to be made all around by EVERY single member of that blended family.

OP, I would suggest sitting down together as a family and literally writing out a list of house rules and post it somewhere (kind of like something you would see on supernanny) You do need to adjust and bend on things as well though. For instance, you can make a rule that of the 4 weekends a month, 1 weekend SC can have a friend come over, the next week he can go over to the friends house, the next week you all do something as a family (ex: museum, aquarium, amusement park...) and so on...
It will take time. It is a big adjustment for all involved. Please, though take it from someone who has been there - don't let yourself get bitter, and don't be to rigid. It will not help the situation at all. When little issues come up, please ask yourself truly if it is worth fighting over.

Also, please hold off on having your own child until you are comfortable in this situation. Trust me, I know why you feel that way. I felt the same way at one point. Kind of like "if I have to be a mommy anyway I may as well have my own kids". Adding a new baby right now would not be the easiest thing for anyone right now. Best of luck to you. I am always here, or just an FM away if you need to talk or vent.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Posted by legallyblonde

Posted by JoesWife628

You don't sound like a SM, instead, it you sound like a disgruntled babysitter who wants to quit her job.

It is evident you are not a SM. This comment is ignorant and insulting. Do not judge somebody on something you know nothing about. Knowing someone in the same situation still does not qualify you to comment so harshly.

To the OP, I have been in your shoes before and I understand your feelings of being overwhelmed and resentful. I, too, am not a kid person. It's a very difficult transition to make. IMO, the best help is time. It has taken me a long time to be comfortable in my situation, and even now I'm not a 100% comfortable but I am 2000 x better than I was. It definitely helps to do 1 on 1 things with your SK's. I have a SD and when I do girl's night with her, we have so much fun. Hang in there and don't give up!

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Hang in there....taking baby steps at this point are good and I am sure all will fall into place for all of you.

I am glad you are going to try game night, as I wrote previously, I found it to be a nice family time. Monopoly was a favorite of SDs at 11 and 12. Also, LIFE was another family favorite.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

You are completely right and i apologize to the OP for commenting so harshly. You stated something much more eloquently than i did. I did not mean it the way it sounded though. To the OP: i apologize. I saw this and automatically thought of my cousin's situation and it led to frustration and took it out on you for no reason. I see the way his kids are suffering in this relationship and it is different because their situation has been this way since they met. His poor girls seek such approval from her (one is 8 and one is 4). They invite her to anything they can (meaning soccer and softball games and school events) and she wants no part of it. She ALWAYS puts her needs ahead of theirs and i do realize that is not necessarily her fault, but rather her fiance's fault. I do realize i am not a step mom but it is so hard seeing kids suffer due to a situation they had no control over. I give you a lot of credit for entering into a step-mom situation and i wish you the best of luck. Trying to bond with them thru game night is definitely a good start. Maybe you can inspire my cousin's fiance to start forming a bond with them. Sorry again if i offended you

Posted by 1stimemom

Posted by JoesWife628

Sorry to crash but...
Hopefully this does not come out wrong and i will do my best to not insult anyone. This is exactly what i am afraid of in my cousin's situation. He is divorced with two little girls. He is now engaged to be married to a woman who is clearly "not a kid person." This does not make her a bad person BUT my question is, then why marry someone with kids? My cousin made the decision to marry, and have these two children and he has frequent visits with them throuughout the week and on weekends. If i ever heard that the new woman he is marrying wanted practically nothing to do with his kids, and just to discipline and make rules for them, i'd slap her upside her head. These are CHILDREN. They are supposed to want to spend time with their friends. They are supposed to be noisy at times. They are supposed to get up early on the weekends and i do understand you wanting to sleep in. What some of the previous posters said was a good idea to have them play video games or watch tv or what not. But try to have some fun with these kids. It doesn't have to be anything crazy but play a game, go to a movie or have movie night. Something that will allow you to bond. You don't sound like a SM, instead, it you sound like a disgruntled babysitter who wants to quit her job. I do understand you are not a kid person, but you married someone who has kids. Kids trump spouse any day although it shouldn't be a competition. You chose to marry dh, the kids did not choose to be born. Give it some time and try to enjoy some activities with them. You'll be surprised at how much fun you can have just by doing little things with them. Good luck.

Quite honestly, I found your post a little insulting. It was fine up until you had to add in
"You don't sound like a SM, instead, it you sound like a disgruntled babysitter who wants to quit her job. I do understand you are not a kid person, but you married someone who has kids. Kids trump spouse any day although it shouldn't be a competition"

Until you are a step mom yourself you really have no right to say anything of the sort to someone who is.
Yes, she chose to marry her DH whom she knew had kids. However when she did so, she also married the man she knew as her boyfriend, friend, confidant, and lover. Sorry to say, but that all changes when kids are in the picture (at least sometimes). She had an "arrangement" that she was used to when she got married and THAT is what she "signed up for". She did not sign up to be a full time mommy overnight. There is a TREMENDOUS difference.

That being said, the circumstances have in fact changed, and adjustments need to be made all around by EVERY single member of that blended family.

OP, I would suggest sitting down together as a family and literally writing out a list of house rules and post it somewhere (kind of like something you would see on supernanny) You do need to adjust and bend on things as well though. For instance, you can make a rule that of the 4 weekends a month, 1 weekend SC can have a friend come over, the next week he can go over to the friends house, the next week you all do something as a family (ex: museum, aquarium, amusement park...) and so on...
It will take time. It is a big adjustment for all involved. Please, though take it from someone who has been there - don't let yourself get bitter, and don't be to rigid. It will not help the situation at all. When little issues come up, please ask yourself truly if it is worth fighting over.

Also, please hold off on having your own child until you are comfortable in this situation. Trust me, I know why you feel that way. I felt the same way at one point. Kind of like "if I have to be a mommy anyway I may as well have my own kids". Adding a new baby right now would not be the easiest thing for anyone right now. Best of luck to you. I am always here, or just an FM away if you need to talk or vent.

Message edited 9/23/2009 1:57:07 AM.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

Posted by JoesWife628

You are completely right and i apologize to the OP for commenting so harshly. You stated something much more eloquently than i did. I did not mean it the way it sounded though. To the OP: i apologize. I saw this and automatically thought of my cousin's situation and it led to frustration and took it out on you for no reason. I see the way his kids are suffering in this relationship and it is different because their situation has been this way since they met. His poor girls seek such approval from her (one is 8 and one is 4). They invite her to anything they can (meaning soccer and softball games and school events) and she wants no part of it. She ALWAYS puts her needs ahead of theirs and i do realize that is not necessarily her fault, but rather her fiance's fault. I do realize i am not a step mom but it is so hard seeing kids suffer due to a situation they had no control over. I give you a lot of credit for entering into a step-mom situation and i wish you the best of luck. Trying to bond with them thru game night is definitely a good start. Maybe you can inspire my cousin's fiance to start forming a bond with them. Sorry again if i offended you

Posted by 1stimemom

Posted by JoesWife628

Sorry to crash but...
Hopefully this does not come out wrong and i will do my best to not insult anyone. This is exactly what i am afraid of in my cousin's situation. He is divorced with two little girls. He is now engaged to be married to a woman who is clearly "not a kid person." This does not make her a bad person BUT my question is, then why marry someone with kids? My cousin made the decision to marry, and have these two children and he has frequent visits with them throuughout the week and on weekends. If i ever heard that the new woman he is marrying wanted practically nothing to do with his kids, and just to discipline and make rules for them, i'd slap her upside her head. These are CHILDREN. They are supposed to want to spend time with their friends. They are supposed to be noisy at times. They are supposed to get up early on the weekends and i do understand you wanting to sleep in. What some of the previous posters said was a good idea to have them play video games or watch tv or what not. But try to have some fun with these kids. It doesn't have to be anything crazy but play a game, go to a movie or have movie night. Something that will allow you to bond. You don't sound like a SM, instead, it you sound like a disgruntled babysitter who wants to quit her job. I do understand you are not a kid person, but you married someone who has kids. Kids trump spouse any day although it shouldn't be a competition. You chose to marry dh, the kids did not choose to be born. Give it some time and try to enjoy some activities with them. You'll be surprised at how much fun you can have just by doing little things with them. Good luck.

Quite honestly, I found your post a little insulting. It was fine up until you had to add in
"You don't sound like a SM, instead, it you sound like a disgruntled babysitter who wants to quit her job. I do understand you are not a kid person, but you married someone who has kids. Kids trump spouse any day although it shouldn't be a competition"

Until you are a step mom yourself you really have no right to say anything of the sort to someone who is.
Yes, she chose to marry her DH whom she knew had kids. However when she did so, she also married the man she knew as her boyfriend, friend, confidant, and lover. Sorry to say, but that all changes when kids are in the picture (at least sometimes). She had an "arrangement" that she was used to when she got married and THAT is what she "signed up for". She did not sign up to be a full time mommy overnight. There is a TREMENDOUS difference.

That being said, the circumstances have in fact changed, and adjustments need to be made all around by EVERY single member of that blended family.

OP, I would suggest sitting down together as a family and literally writing out a list of house rules and post it somewhere (kind of like something you would see on supernanny) You do need to adjust and bend on things as well though. For instance, you can make a rule that of the 4 weekends a month, 1 weekend SC can have a friend come over, the next week he can go over to the friends house, the next week you all do something as a family (ex: museum, aquarium, amusement park...) and so on...
It will take time. It is a big adjustment for all involved. Please, though take it from someone who has been there - don't let yourself get bitter, and don't be to rigid. It will not help the situation at all. When little issues come up, please ask yourself truly if it is worth fighting over.

Also, please hold off on having your own child until you are comfortable in this situation. Trust me, I know why you feel that way. I felt the same way at one point. Kind of like "if I have to be a mommy anyway I may as well have my own kids". Adding a new baby right now would not be the easiest thing for anyone right now. Best of luck to you. I am always here, or just an FM away if you need to talk or vent.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own

ty for clarifying things a bit. as for my cousin's situation, i have plently of reasons for disliking her that i'm not going into detail with. It extends way past the stepmother issue. My cousin is mainly at fault, no doubt. He needs to be an advocate for his children because that is a parent's job. But anyway, enough about them, best of luck to you and your fam!!

Posted by Mrs. Ben

Posted by JoesWife628

You are completely right and i apologize to the OP for commenting so harshly. You stated something much more eloquently than i did. I did not mean it the way it sounded though. To the OP: i apologize. I saw this and automatically thought of my cousin's situation and it led to frustration and took it out on you for no reason. I see the way his kids are suffering in this relationship and it is different because their situation has been this way since they met. His poor girls seek such approval from her (one is 8 and one is 4). They invite her to anything they can (meaning soccer and softball games and school events) and she wants no part of it. She ALWAYS puts her needs ahead of theirs and i do realize that is not necessarily her fault, but rather her fiance's fault. I do realize i am not a step mom but it is so hard seeing kids suffer due to a situation they had no control over. I give you a lot of credit for entering into a step-mom situation and i wish you the best of luck. Trying to bond with them thru game night is definitely a good start. Maybe you can inspire my cousin's fiance to start forming a bond with them. Sorry again if i offended you

Posted by 1stimemom

Posted by JoesWife628

Sorry to crash but...
Hopefully this does not come out wrong and i will do my best to not insult anyone. This is exactly what i am afraid of in my cousin's situation. He is divorced with two little girls. He is now engaged to be married to a woman who is clearly "not a kid person." This does not make her a bad person BUT my question is, then why marry someone with kids? My cousin made the decision to marry, and have these two children and he has frequent visits with them throuughout the week and on weekends. If i ever heard that the new woman he is marrying wanted practically nothing to do with his kids, and just to discipline and make rules for them, i'd slap her upside her head. These are CHILDREN. They are supposed to want to spend time with their friends. They are supposed to be noisy at times. They are supposed to get up early on the weekends and i do understand you wanting to sleep in. What some of the previous posters said was a good idea to have them play video games or watch tv or what not. But try to have some fun with these kids. It doesn't have to be anything crazy but play a game, go to a movie or have movie night. Something that will allow you to bond. You don't sound like a SM, instead, it you sound like a disgruntled babysitter who wants to quit her job. I do understand you are not a kid person, but you married someone who has kids. Kids trump spouse any day although it shouldn't be a competition. You chose to marry dh, the kids did not choose to be born. Give it some time and try to enjoy some activities with them. You'll be surprised at how much fun you can have just by doing little things with them. Good luck.

Quite honestly, I found your post a little insulting. It was fine up until you had to add in
"You don't sound like a SM, instead, it you sound like a disgruntled babysitter who wants to quit her job. I do understand you are not a kid person, but you married someone who has kids. Kids trump spouse any day although it shouldn't be a competition"

Until you are a step mom yourself you really have no right to say anything of the sort to someone who is.
Yes, she chose to marry her DH whom she knew had kids. However when she did so, she also married the man she knew as her boyfriend, friend, confidant, and lover. Sorry to say, but that all changes when kids are in the picture (at least sometimes). She had an "arrangement" that she was used to when she got married and THAT is what she "signed up for". She did not sign up to be a full time mommy overnight. There is a TREMENDOUS difference.

That being said, the circumstances have in fact changed, and adjustments need to be made all around by EVERY single member of that blended family.

OP, I would suggest sitting down together as a family and literally writing out a list of house rules and post it somewhere (kind of like something you would see on supernanny) You do need to adjust and bend on things as well though. For instance, you can make a rule that of the 4 weekends a month, 1 weekend SC can have a friend come over, the next week he can go over to the friends house, the next week you all do something as a family (ex: museum, aquarium, amusement park...) and so on...
It will take time. It is a big adjustment for all involved. Please, though take it from someone who has been there - don't let yourself get bitter, and don't be to rigid. It will not help the situation at all. When little issues come up, please ask yourself truly if it is worth fighting over.

Also, please hold off on having your own child until you are comfortable in this situation. Trust me, I know why you feel that way. I felt the same way at one point. Kind of like "if I have to be a mommy anyway I may as well have my own kids". Adding a new baby right now would not be the easiest thing for anyone right now. Best of luck to you. I am always here, or just an FM away if you need to talk or vent.

Apology accepted This is why I asked for those in my shoes to comment bc only those really understand, plus just bc I am not a kid person it doesn't mean that I am not involved in their lives. I went to the eldest graduation when DH couldn't go bc he had court (custody court). I do things, I just don't sit at home and play games. We go out and do things outside the home, just not in bc I am not drawn to play.

I understand things brings feelings up about your cousin's GF...but before you get mad at her...you have to be angry at your cousin, bc he chose her knowing she is not a kid person. I never lied to DH he knew all along that I am not a kid person and he chose me and married me knowing that. This is our issue now. I have come to accept this new life style but I feel sometime not appriciated by him bc he expects too much, when I do give. maybe not 100% but a lot for someone who did not expect this life change. Just realize that you shouldn't judge the GF so harshly when ultimately it's the father's decision to take her as a GF or wife.

Re: anyone have live in Step Kids and No kids of their own