Did DH blame you?

DH says that I was too stressed so I miscarried.

Nice right?

The assistant in the docs office sat us down after the sono and explained that we shouldn't blame ourselves and to try and relax and take a vacation and he took that as I am too stressed and I need to relax because that's why I miscarried.

Re: Did DH blame you?

That is awful, I'm sorry

When I got pregnant with this one, I was SO worried because my father became drastically ill during my first trimester, I was running to and from the hospital, as his primary caretaker, and ultimately he passed away and I had to make all the arrangements, clean out his apartment, his clothes, etc. Talk about stress. And it never affected the bay.

Stress has NOTHING to do with miscarriages - 9 times out of 10 there is a genetic reason.

Re: Did DH blame you?

Dh has never blamed me. He gets very upset when I say I blame myself.

Re: Did DH blame you?

I think he just needed an explanation and that's what he went away from the conversation with. He needed to place blame. At first he blamed his sperm.

I tried to tell him that the majority of miscarriages happen due to chromosomal abnormalities but he wasn't hearing it.

Re: Did DH blame you?

No. Not even remotely.

I'm so sorry that he said that to you That's awful!!!

Re: Did DH blame you?

I am upset for you just reading this...this is a time that you really need to lean on each other to get through, not look to place blame.

The fact is you will never know what caused your mc, but it is extremely unlikely that it was stress. Think about all the unwanted pregnancies that live and thrive while the mother is miserable and wishing it would go away. There is nothing you could have done differently, and for him to make you feel like that is so hurtful.

I lost 3 pregnancies before I got pregnant this time. There was never any reason that the docs could find and I can't tell you how many books I read on the topic looking for answers. Unfortunately, sometimes there just aren't answers....just hold onto the fact that you did get pregnant. Chances are that if you keep trying, it will happen for you again and you will have your baby.

Re: Did DH blame you?

No. I blame myself.

Re: Did DH blame you?

DH didn't blame me and it IS NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL!!!!!

I was way more stressed at work when I was pregnant with DD. (born healthy 39 weeks 4 days) I was commuting to NYC, not sleeping well, only eating 1/2 healthy, and in a high stress sales job.

When I had my miscarriage I was a SAHM, napping everyday, eating very well, and very relaxed and happy.

It was also suggested to us that we go on a vacation and I've heard the same about other couples that have had miscarriages. I think that there is a lot to deal with afterwards and for some getting away may help. I think the suggestion comes to help you deal with your loss and not at all to say you seem stressed.

I am so sorry for your loss.

ETA: Several weeks later we found out there was a genetic anomaly that caused it.

Message edited 7/12/2009 9:28:48 PM.

Re: Did DH blame you?

I'm so sorry for you that he said that.

No one is to blame!!
Unfortunately, miscarriages happen.

Looking for a reason is one thing, looking to place blame won't help.
Your husband should also know that approximately 1/3 of early pregnancies end in miscarriages.

Please know it wasn't your fault.

Re: Did DH blame you?

I'm sorry he did that. Like you said I think he was looking for an answer...but it still isn't nice. You had the empty sack like me right?

blighted ovum

I looked into it after the doctor told me what it was and this was a good explanation. It is a chromosomal issue. Not a healthy baby. Reading this made me feel better....hope it helps you.

Re: Did DH blame you?

I am so sorry he is blamed you. Mine did not. I of course blame myself and my DH hates when I do that. But I know deep down if he actually agreed with me I would be so hurt.

Men hurt too with miscarriages. He is just looking for answers.

Try not to take it to heart.

Re: Did DH blame you?

Re: Did DH blame you?

Re: Did DH blame you?

aw i'm sorry hon!it's not your fault. these things just happen. no one knows why.