Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

DH and I really feel DS is a gift. We weren't that young when we married, and it took awhile for us to conceive, plus some people in our family have fertility issues, so we know having a baby isn't a given.

We have decided to stop with one child for various reasons--age, health issues that came up since his birth, lack of steady family support, and finances among them. While in our heads we both know this makes sense and realize we would be hard pressed to raise both children, in our hearts we do feel bad that he won't have siblings. He also has no cousins, so there isn't an extended family to fill that gap. We do make sure he is involved with play dates and Mommy and Me type of things so he socializes a bit, and we'll continue to make sure he is involved in activities of interest to him as he gets older. Still, I wish he could have a brother or sister.

Guess I was wondering if any others are stopping with one child but are not completely okay with it. Feeling a little alone in this as I see a lot of people with kids his age starting on number two.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

We are stopping with one. The main reason being financial. Other reasons is the first few weeks are torture, not sure I could do it again and with a newborn to boot. However if our finances allowed it, I would want DS to have a sibling. DS does have a cousin a month older. My nephew will be by DS's brother.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

We might be also because of finances and my DH's fears of having an atypical child (I say that because he fears so many things such as DS, autism, dyslexia etc.) and I am so not OK with it.

You seem like you have come to terms with it though and believe me, children do not NEED siblings. Heck, half the time they don't even get along!!!! So please don't let that make you feel guilty.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

Posted by mikeswife06

children do not NEED siblings. Heck, half the time they don't even get along!!!! So please don't let that make you feel guilty.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

WOW, I was actually going to start a post like this today, mine was a little different. I do want more, but scared of finances. I would have 2 in daycare and even if we waited until dd went into kindergarten, we would still be paying ALOT every summer for 2 in a program. I have to work, we can't make our bills without my check also. I get depressed over this and can't make up my mind to just do it or not. I always need a "plan" to at least see it may work and I do not have one this time.

I don't know if I can put another in daycare, the guilt I carry is unreal. The guilt of an infant in daycare, I think after 2 or 3 it is wonderful BUT FOR ME, when DD was in there as an infant, It hurt me emotionally.

If you both agree on it, I think that is wonderful, I can't seem to make a decision, DH doesn't want another, but I could change his mind on that

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

Posted by mikeswife06

You seem like you have come to terms with it though and believe me, children do not NEED siblings. Heck, half the time they don't even get along!!!! So please don't let that make you feel guilty.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

One and done here. I think you already knew that, though. The difference for me is that I really don't feel that guilty about it. I truly believe that for our family, in our circumstances, having just one is best, for a whole variety of reasons.

My son is very loved and while it could be great for him to have a sibling, that alone isn't a strong enough reason for us to have another baby. I am not going to say I never have pangs of baby fever - every time a new infant is enrolled in his daycare, the moms must think I am a nut because I gush over them so much.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

Message edited 6/23/2009 1:15:53 PM.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

I thinkg that me personally....I would have another just because once you are gone, who will he have? I dont know your health situation though, so it fits too risky, i would say no way! I am in no way saying theres anything wrong with having one, but I just think about the future.... Goog luck

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

DH and I decided that Shaylie was going to be the only one. Somedays, I have my moments that I would like to have another one, but financially its difficult. When I was 8 months pregnant, I was laid off from my job of 12 years. I'm taking my time now to look for a job and I'm going to take some computer courses. I don't want to start a new job and then get pregnant. I was also a high risk pregnancy on top of developing a fibroid in the back of my uterus that was about the size of Shaylie's head when I was pregnant with her. As of now, my fibroid has not shrinked as much as my doctor would've liked, so I have to be monitored for the next 6 months.

Shaylie is very loved by both sides of our families and our friends. I'm an only child and I consider my close girlfriends my sisters. My friends kids absolutely adore Shay, so when Shaylie is older she has playmates.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

Message edited 6/23/2009 1:23:11 PM.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

We hope to have more children, but I am an only child so fm me if you want chat...

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

We are not sure yet. Siblings are nice but there isn't a guarantee that they will get along. The same goes for cousins. I'm confident DS will not miss out on anything if we decide to stop.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

Thanks again to everyone for writing and sharing your own experiences. It is very helpful for me to have a reminder of all the reasons we are stopping with one child.

And especially thank you to those who reminded me that family doesn't just apply to the people who are your blood relatives. We have some good friends and are making new ones with children DSs age now. There is also our church family, the various people in the community who are a part of our lives, etc. It all matters.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

I may have to add myself to the list.

My son was quite the surprise. I am so very happy to have him. I love him to pieces.

I know some people will say I am selfish for only wanting one, but this is how I feel.

My reasons are definitely financial. I am not working, and not sure how long I will be unemployed, which is really scary. Also, babies are ALOT OF WORK and I do most of it.

My DH helps, but I do the majority of it.

Who knows anything can happen, but as of now I am good with one.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

maybe

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

my dh wants to stop..i personally want one more..Unfortantely i am not a spring chicken, so we need to make a final decision within a year from now. Its a tough thing. I don't want to force dh into having another child, but if i don't have another one, i will always regret it.

For now i am really enjoying my ds and i am trying to just focus on him. If its meant to be we will have another, if its not, we won't.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

We might...

When we started TTC, and it didn't happen immediately, we started to look around and see how much easier it would be to have just 1. DH sorta felt that he wanted 2, and I was just afraid to be pregnant again.

Now that Sasha is here-- well, I still am undecided. I did say that if I had a girl, I could stop at 1. But I would try for a girl if I had a boy first. DH feels (as of now), we'd be unhappy if we had another. It would be too much work, etc. And to be honest, I am afraid of dealing with 2 children.

I want Sasha to have siblings-- and also when we are gone, to have someone also. Honestly, she is way too young to even think about another baby-- so, the jury is still out.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

I thought I was.

But DH and I both decided to try for another.

That's a $10K "try" for us. But if it works, it will be so worth it.

We are also older - in our case it was now or never.

It's a very personal decision. I have 5 siblings and so does DH. That isn't why we want another though. ITA with Diana in that single children can lead happy, full lives with family they have chosen to surround themselves with....

Message edited 6/23/2009 4:20:00 PM.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

We will be stopping at one for many reasons...

we only ever wanted one child...we feel that we can give him everything and he won't want for anything.
Also, we are older in addition to the fact that it took a long time to get pregnant and I HATED being pregnant, I can't see going through it again.

DH and I have tons of friends - 5 of whom have or will be having kids within 6 months of Connor being born. Our friends childrens will be his extended family.

Poeple tell me I'm selfish for only wanting one (mostly my mother ) but I don't really care. I don't think it's selfish to want to give DS everything.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

We wanted another one, and paid through the nose for it, but to give you some perspective - my MIL is a holocaust survivor - not a shred of immediate family survived. And yet, she has had one of the most inspiring, fulfilling, happy, loved lives I've ever observed. She may not have blood family, but she made up for it with a tremendously close-knit group of friends who are, and have been for decades, her family.

Siblings aren't the recipe for happiness for life - far from it, and in fact, in my own experience I can say that that it's no guarantee that they'll even like each other - I have one brother I'm close with, but the other one is pretty much estranged.

Do what's best for you and your family dynamic - that's all that matters.

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This is a very present debate for both DH and I. I had a m/c last year. I am getting older so it's this year or not. Then DS was diagnosted with special needs. So we REFUSED to discuss baby #2 until this month. Serious questions for us and the future! The commitment of another child with DS.

I think we are "thinking" we are going for #2.

We are seeing a genetic specialist soon to discuss a particular genetic test with DS but I feel DH is "now" ready to have another one when 6 months ago it was out of the question for both of us.

In theory, our current life is better suited for 1 child. Yet, I feel I want another one.

Re: Anyone Else Stopping with One Child?

I would be OK with just Eddie and sometimes I think maybe we should just have one for a lot of the reasons mentioned in the above posts. DH wants 3 though, so we compromised at two. I used to want 5 until I had one, and I just dont know if I want to do the newborn phase again, and the financial things that came with another is daunting. If I never had anymore, I would be OK with that. With that said, we will probably have one more.