Member since 5/05
16438 total posts
This is so hard...
I'm back at work today and it's just a lot harder than I thought it would be. People either come up to me with their condolences, with this sad, pitiful look in their eyes, which just hashes it all up for me and makes me so incredibly sad, or they avoid me like I'm some kind of pariah with an infectious disease.
And meanwhile, my father made me executor of his will. I know I am the best choice, and I will execute it the best way I can, to fulfill his last wishes, but at the same time, by naming me executor, I inherited a big, complicated disagreement, that I can't really get into. All I can say is one of my family members is making me feel just horrible and terribly guilty about the whole situation
All the while, I've spent every waking moment either entertaining guests who came to sit shiva with us, or tying up all the loose ends for my father's estate. When, all I really want to do is just crawl under the covers and hide from the world for the next month.
I miss my father TERRIBLY. Just horribly. It cuts me so deeply and so raw, that I feel like no one could ever understand. I feel like I've lost the only real family member that I had a deep connection with, the only person who would have helped me through this stressful situation and given me a genuine hug and good advice. And now, I'm all alone, handling all this, thrown into a battle with my family
All I can say is THANK GOD I have amazing friends...