would love advice

i am very close with my mother, who is usually a very lovely and understanding woman who knows when to open her mouth - and when to keep her thoughts to herself

however, for some reason, she is just not like that with this baby. she loves to share her own experiences with me, but if i have my own thoughts/ideas she is sometimes quick to shoot them down or tell me "that's not what i did" or "don't be silly"

most of the time it's not over anything big, so i just and move on, promising that i will come to her first for advice.

i know deep down she just wants to see me be a good mom - and she was/is a fantastic mom so she sets a great example, but of course i want to try things my own way first!

the issue right now (and of course it's a biggie) is that she doesn't want me to have a c-section and she has been discouraging me from the first time we found out at 30 weeks that this might be a big baby. every chance she gets, she tells me that it's "major surgery" and not something i should "want."

(she had 3 c-sections herself but the last was 23 years ago so obviously things have changed a lot since then)

DH and i have made our own decision regarding a c-section (which we will discuss with the doctor at our appointment today) and he fully suports anything i want to do - he is just as concerned as i am with having to push out a really big baby.

so nothing is set in stone yet, but if i do schedule a c-section, is it totally unreasonable for me not to tell her until the day of?

just kidding, just kidding... but any advice on how i can break the news to her if i need to? thanks so much for listening to me ramble if you made it this far

Re: would love advice

Honestly, in all regards, not just about the c-section, I told my mom that she raised me well enough to be a good mother to my child. She pretty much leaves me alone now.

Good luck!

Re: would love advice

Honestly, DOnt tell her. She is your mom, but tell after. Why put yourself thrugh having to deal with the comments until that day. I think you have enough on your plate.

Then after tell her it was a "suprise". You had no idea you would need one. Some things are better left unsaid. JMO

Re: would love advice

I think I would tell her that you discussed it with your DH and your doctor and everyone involved (including yourself) feel that this is the best thing for you and your baby's health.
That they feel this would be safer for you both.

Honestly, I was 1 day short of being 42 weeks. I was in labor for a while and the doctor came in and said time for a section - I wasn't happy, but I put enough trust in my doctor that this was the best decision for us, under the circumstances.

Has she told you why she is so against them?
I mean, not many people really want them, but if it is a decision made by all, it wasn't like you walked in weeks ago and said I want a section

Re: would love advice

Do what you, your DH and doctor think is best. If c-section is the way to go, than that is it. Just tell her that your doctor feels it is best for you and baby. If she argues with that ask to see her MD

Re: would love advice

I totally understand what you're dealing with. My mom is also a wonderful woman whom I also consider my best friend but there are just some things we don't agree on.

As for your c-section dilemma..I would try to explain to her that medically your doctor is concerned with you delivering a large baby naturally and believes it would be in the best interest for you and the baby if a c-section was done.

Research the positive benefits of a c-section and hit her with some facts. It is veryy different then it was 23 years ago..medicine has come a long way :)

In the end it's your baby and your body and you have the right to do whatever you want.

GL!!!!

Re: would love advice

Posted by MsMBV

Honestly, in all regards, not just about the c-section, I told my mom that she raised me well enough to be a good mother to my child. She pretty much leaves me alone now.

Good luck!

Re: would love advice

thanks ladies... i know that in the end she just wants me and the baby to be safe and healthy, so she may be saying these things out of worry/concern... i will make sure that i tell her that this is a medical issue, not one that i would have chosen for no reason. i think that will smooth things over.

thanks again

Re: would love advice

just tell her your doc wants you to have a c section. she is just scared for you because it is surgery. tell her that the c sec rate is 30% and it's very routine. that will make her feel better!