What would you do?

A couple has a child (not married, been together for over 8 years) - they now own a house.

She contributes almost 90% (financially) towards the house/the child/their relationship b/c he has his wages garnished (debt from earlier in their relationship.)

Last night she finds out that he's been paying his mother's credit card. His mother that lives w/her BF on LI in a HUGE house. Said BF supports her b/c she doesn't have a job (laziness.)

Would you be upset? What would you do?

Re: What would you do?

I would be pi$$ed more about not knowing that he was paying her credit card...than I would get pi$$ed that he is! I can understand helping her out with her bills if she is gong through a rough patch or lost her job or something like that...but if she just doesnt feel like working b/c she is lazy that is another story.

ETA: Being married or not being married doesnt really matter (and technically through common law they are). The point is they have been living together for years, own a home together and have a child together...so she has every right to be upset.

Message edited 2/25/2008 10:11:51 AM.

Re: What would you do?

Yes. And I would seriously consider leaving someone if a compromise can't be reached.
ETA:
contributions to the house/child... Not the mother. I wouldn't leave someone for trying to help his mother but she sounds like a real tart.

Message edited 2/25/2008 10:23:27 AM.

Re: What would you do?

I would be BEYOND pi$$ed! How can he do that to her?????? I would feel VERY betrayed, disrespected and hurt! I would definitely and IMMEDIATELY make him pay for 50% of the expenses! Is the house in her name?

Message edited 2/25/2008 10:19:35 AM.

Re: What would you do?

I would be LIVID. I hate lying and the fact that my SO didn't tell me about this would be lying. Being in a relationship is not one sided. I expect my husband and I to discuss the finances and make decisions together. If he were my husband/partner, I would want to discuss our financial situation and decide together how much (if any) we were going to help his mother out. I wouldn't want it decided behind my back.

Re: What would you do?

I'd pack his $hit so he can move in with mom and BF in their huge house. Seriously, any man who would put his mother before his "wife" and child(ren) can find the door.

Re: What would you do?

I agree completely. I would not tolerate any of it. I followed up and asked whether or not she "threw" him out, but she said they slept in different rooms.

I'm afraid that this is going to be an ongoing saga in their relationship. Is there anything I can suggest that will help her or them?

Re: What would you do?

my biggest issue would be the secrecy.

if you can't tell me what you are doing, then you shouldn't be doing it. period. end of story.
ETA:

at this point, not only is the bf disrespecting her, but so is mama dukes.

I would talk to his mother. tell her to put on her big girl panties and MAN the eff up. pay her own bills. or put out more so her own boy friend would.

Message edited 2/25/2008 10:52:03 AM.