Spinoff to Kevin's child abuse post

I am posting this as a separate thread because I do not ever want to downplay Kevin's message. Child molesters and even people who view child pornography are sick bastards. Do not get me wrong about that. I know very little about the William Floyd thing so my comment below does not pertain to that in the least.

About 10 years ago I was a juror on a child sex abuse case. We found the defendant not guilty. The accusers were 2 little girls and I do believe that one of them was molested, but not by the defendant. She was a very troubled child, got very little attention at home and I believe that she may have concocted the story out of jealousy for the defendant's daughter, whose family life was more stable than hers. There is also a chance that she did not know who did what to her and when. I still believe, to this day, that the defendant in the case I was on did not commit a crime. However, he exercised some poor judgment. He watched a few of the neighbors' children in his home and played video games with them in a bedroom. That much is true. The rest was never proven. He lost his home paying for his defense. I am a lawyer and the jury also consisted of a police investigator and neither of us believed that he should have been indicted. Years later, I had a conference, on another matter, with the judge from that case. I mentioned that I had been on one of his juries. He told me more of the background than what was allowed in as evidence. I am still confident in the decision. I am telling you this NOT because I do not believe kids' allegations. This issue pushes so many buttons that the District Attorneys are on a sort of witch hunt.

My main reason to tell you about that case is because after being on that jury I realized that we should be very careful when we are entrusted with the care of someone else's children. Be very careful of any situation in which you have to be alone with someone else's child. You do not want a finger pointed at you, even if you can prove that nothing happened. Consider all possible interpretations of things that go on while you are with kids. Men are especially vulnerable to being accused, even though the laws are gender neutral. I have a male friend who regularly gives his teenage babysitter a ride home. I have told him that he runs a risk of being accused of something even if he would never touch her. He would be better off with a babysitter whose parents can come pick her up. Slightly better than that would be to have his wife drive, although there is always a chance of some finger pointing there. Trust me, I would mame anyone who ever touched my child or the child of anyone from the LIF family. I just feel that being on that jury was a huge eye opener. Give careful consideration to the time that you or your spouse spend with other people's kids. It is like when a lady goes to the OB/GYN, they bring an employee in so that there is a witness in the room. Don't put yourself in a situation where there can even be a question about what happened. That is the point of my post. I am not trying to say that child molesters do not exist, though. They do, and the guilty should rot!!!!!

Re: Spinoff to Kevin's child abuse post

I totally understand what you are saying. I taught pre-school for a few years when I was in college and although the kids were only 3 and often required some help when going to the bathroom, the teachers were not allowed to help them at all. It could be something as innocent as a child needed help buttoning their jeans and it can be turned into "so and so" touched me. Better safe than sorry!

Re: Spinoff to Kevin's child abuse post

I agree on both ends but you know what also bothers me? if a male is watching a child he is especially at risk. If its a female people assume its "safer"
meantime the news is fulllllllll of young female teachers sleeping with young boys.
I have to honestly say.,.if anyone ever touched my kids i would have to be locked u for my own good because my first instinct would be to shoot to kill.

Re: Spinoff to Kevin's child abuse post

you brought up really good points! even as a teacher, I will NOT be alone in a classroom with just myself and 1 other child - it's just too risky. many time I have cancelled extra-help after school because only 1 child showed up, or moved it to someplace where others will be around, like the library.

Re: Spinoff to Kevin's child abuse post

As sad as it is, you are completely correct. With never knowing exactly what move could be made that is taken the wrong way (or maybe that move should not have been made by the adult in the first place) can lead to some pretty serious consequences. The slightest things can cast doubts today (I was a little uncomfortable myself at a recent doctors appointment).

I had many discussions with my younger brother when it came to playing with our niece and his now step-daughter. He likes to rough house with them and believe me the girls loved rough housing with him. I had to let him know that someone else could view some of his playing around as inappropriate. I also explained that a child can make up a situation or even confuse a situation. Meaning: if one of the girls was being "touched" by someone they could very easily turn the story around on him. Many, many times I have been around child situations where the child points a finger at another child for hitting and it turns out it was never that child in the first place. So they could easily point the finger at an adult that may have temporarily angered them or that they feel less threatened by.

Being a victim of child abuse myself I know the fear a child can have over wanting someone to pay for their hurt but being too scared to actually tell the truth about who is abusing them.


(I also want to state that I do not know anything about the Mastic case mentioned)

Re: Spinoff to Kevin's child abuse post

Re: Spinoff to Kevin's child abuse post

ITA also.

I work in a day care center and we always make sure that things like diaper changing and bathroom times have at least two teachers there just in case. 3 and 4 year olds are easily swayed by suggestion. Damien tells me some crazy stories sometimes and I know he just has his imagination on overdrive. We also have one male teacher (in our preschool room) and he is never to go to the bathroom with the kids or change diapers. Truth be told it isn't fair to him that it is even a thought that he would do something inappropriate. But we have to be careful. All of our parents and children adore him, he is one of Damien's teachers. But I can sense right away when I show prospective parents the room some of them right away aren't thrilled that there is a male teacher. Meanwhile I know these women would never think this of their own husbands so why think that about this teacher right away.

ETA: I never saw the original post

Message edited 1/19/2008 12:32:39 PM.

Re: Spinoff to Kevin's child abuse post

I used to work with children and was told very early to never, ever let myself be alone with a child. At first I thought this was to defend children, but I found out that it was really more to protect employees against allegations of abuse.

Re: Spinoff to Kevin's child abuse post

My DH is a teacher. For years he used to Chaperone one of the over night trips. Every year something happened (not sexually related) where the kids would come back with some story that wound up not to be true. The last one involved my DH (again not on this level)...basically some girls were mad that my DH and some of the other chaperones wouldnt let them play a practical joke on some of the other students. They came back from the trip saying that they caught my DH and the other chaperones drinking and smoking with some students..It was hell there for awhile..eventually the girls fessed up that they made the whole thing up. It was the last time he went on the trip. We felt that it was just to easy for someone to throw out false allegations...