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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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What would you do?
Please do not quote as I may take this down later- but I am curious to hear what you guys would do.
My father is not speaking to us for something that my brother did. He blames me though it was my brother. He does speak to my brother. He has not seen my daughter in a year. Last time he called this house he called my dh to invite him to my family's function. He did not call me or say that I or my DD were invited just implied my dh was. That was the last straw for my DH and we stopped trying sending cards and stuff. Well when I got PG I sent my dad a letter telling him I was pg before I told my grandmother and other members of his family but he chose not to acknowledge it at all. Not a call or a letter back- NOTHING. So that was it I was done. I no longer show my daughter pictures of my father and try to tell her that's grandpa. She doesn't have any words to describe him anymore.
Anyways I was talking to my brother tonight and he said my dad wanted my dd's social security number to buy her a bond for Christmas. I said what for she doesn't know who he is anymore and he hasn't seen her in a year so what's the point. He said just take the money and put it away for her. I said that I don't think I want it because I don't want to have to call him or anything or open the door back up to start this crap over so that the next time he gets mad at me he does this again (this is the second time since my dd was born that he has done this the first time was when she was 4 months old and he didn't see her until she was 6 months old).
So what would you do, would you just take the money and not acknowledge it? Or would you tell your brother tell dad don't bother?
Opinions please
PS I offered for him to still have a relationship with her. I told him he could see her whenever he wanted I would either go out or go upstairs and he never took advantage of that.
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Posted 12/20/07 8:30 PM  |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: What would you do?
I would tell him the best gift to give my DD is to have her grandfather in her life! Forget about the savings bond.
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| Posted 12/20/07 8:44 PM |
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poc53
LIF Infant
Member since 1/06 97 total posts
Name:
E and P
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Re: What would you do?
tell him to take his money and shove it. Why hasn't your brother taken responsibility for what he did and tell your dad to stop blaming you? Regardless, he has no excuse for not having a relationship with his granddaughter. Good luck.
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| Posted 12/20/07 8:45 PM |
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Re: What would you do?
I wouldn't want his money. I would say forget it. I know it's easier said than done but what he has done is extremely hurtful and I wouldn't want to open that wound back up.
Also, what does your brother say? Has he tried to help the situation?
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| Posted 12/20/07 8:55 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: What would you do?
that's a tough situation.
personally, I would want to sit down with my brother and father and hash everything out. the only way I see a relationship happening between your dad and your daughter is to deal with the past. if your dad refuses to do that, then I think that's your answer right there.
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| Posted 12/20/07 9:00 PM |
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Lucky
Growing up fast!
Member since 4/07 12683 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: What would you do?
I agree with what you said...what's the point? I'd just tell your brother to tell him, "thanks but no thanks".
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| Posted 12/20/07 9:04 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do?
I wouldn't give my daughter's ss# to anyone I wasn't speaking to - let him use his own ss#.
I would tell my brother that he doesn't need her ss# to get a bond. If I received one in the mail, I would keep it for her but not acknowledge it.
Bonds are used decades from now. You may feel differently then. The not acknowledging part would be for spite.I know it sounds petty but I'm spiteful like that.
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| Posted 12/20/07 9:04 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by MelToddJulia
I would tell him the best gift to give my DD is to have her grandfather in her life! Forget about the savings bond.
I have told him this. I told him in a letter I wrote him a year ago that this child does not want for material things but would love to have her maternal grandfather in her life
Posted by poc53
Why hasn't your brother taken responsibility for what he did and tell your dad to stop blaming you? Regardless, he has no excuse for not having a relationship with his granddaughter. Good luck.
My brother has told him it was his fault. My dad doesn't ever blame him because it was his son and how can a father deny his son  My brother has told him time and time again but at this point it doesn't matter. I even heard him tell him. My father comes from a long line of men that believe their sons walk on water and well their girls they don't exist.
Thank you all for the advice. My dh is not home so I can't talk to him about it but it just seems ridiculous. Part of me says take the damn bond because that bond will be worth more than that man ever gave me in my life. Oh no wait he gave $35 towards my college education  The other point of me says what's the point. I am going to call my brother back now and find out how this came up and I will probably tell my brother to tell him that he couldn't get it and if my dad really wants to get her the stinking bond then he can give out his to get it. UGH I just wish he would be in or out of my life totally I hate this crap. My life is so less stressful without him and has been great all year and then every birthday of hers and holiday he is going to stir up more crap. I personally feel like calling him (which is probably what he wants) and telling him to shove it and go be with her (his girlfriend- my mother's former best friend) grandchildren and just forget about us.
Thank you to everyone who responded.
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| Posted 12/20/07 9:21 PM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by MelToddJulia
I would tell him the best gift to give my DD is to have her grandfather in her life! Forget about the savings bond.
ITA
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| Posted 12/20/07 9:28 PM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: What would you do?
No doubt I would NOT take the money...I do not take money from people who treat me badly and have no relationship with my child by choice
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| Posted 12/20/07 10:27 PM |
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Re: What would you do?
First concern: I never give out my childrens social security numbers to ANYONE, grandparent or not. If he wants to buy her a bond, he can use his own SS# to buy it.
Secondly: ITA... a better gift would be to have him in her life.
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| Posted 12/20/07 10:29 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: What would you do?
Thank you all! I just got off the phone with my brother. I told him I won't give out her SS# for him and that I don't want the money. He said I should take it. I told him she doesn't have a grandfather anymore by HIS choice and let's just leave it at that.
How this came about- my brother told both my dad and my mom not to send him anything this year- my brother live OOS and that they should spend their money on my DD. So that's how it started my dad said well I was thinking about sending her a bond-- blah blah blah.
No thanks!
Thank you all for the advice!!!
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| Posted 12/20/07 10:33 PM |
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by BabySammie
Posted by MelToddJulia
I would tell him the best gift to give my DD is to have her grandfather in her life! Forget about the savings bond.
ITA
I agree too, although your Dad sounds like my ex-FIL, and in all honesty...it was better off not having him in our lives. I'd rather have him not be there at all than have him in and out whenever the wind blows.. JMO
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| Posted 12/20/07 10:36 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: What would you do?
If it were me, I'd take nothing from him. It's not worth it.
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| Posted 12/20/07 10:40 PM |
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juanvi
Get Out!
Member since 10/06 4463 total posts
Name:
Christina
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Re: What would you do?
Posted by MelToddJulia
I would tell him the best gift to give my DD is to have her grandfather in her life! Forget about the savings bond.
I agree. My father is capable of something like this too. He did speak to me for like 2 or 3 months before i got married. If I were in your shoes, that's what i'd tell him. I also wouldn't let him see my child without me around. See my child see me.
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| Posted 12/20/07 10:46 PM |
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