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Married girls who changed their name
Have you ever had someone question why you actually changed your name?
Grrrrrrrr, this girl I TA with asked me why I changed my name, and she was so rude about it. Her tone was like, "why would you ever change your name?"
I mean, it's not like by changing your name you give up your independence. Maybe I want my kids to have the same last name as me.
But then again, this girl doesn't wear a wedding band even though she is married and said the best compliment someone gave her is that she acts like she's not married. 
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Posted 10/4/07 10:48 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
why wouldn't you change your name?
that would be my answer...
That should end the line of questioning.
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| Posted 10/4/07 10:54 AM |
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AlwaysSnow
LIF Infant
Member since 4/06 119 total posts
Name:
Snow
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
tell her to shove it up her azz.
Just b/c it was right for her to not change, doens't mean that everyone wants that. I chose not to change my name and I get a lot of garbage about it. But that was just MY choice (and dh supported it).
Bottom line is thats its yours and your dh's lives to choose.
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| Posted 10/4/07 10:55 AM |
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evnme
My little lamb
Member since 8/05 12633 total posts
Name:
aka momma2b
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
i have an aunt who is a feminist to the extreme and she's the only one who ever made a negative comment about women changing their names (she made the comment at a mother's day brunch infront of my mother who changed her name and my grandmother who was married 2x and changed her name both times...)
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| Posted 10/4/07 10:55 AM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
I've never been asked that question... but I would just say well, why not?
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| Posted 10/4/07 10:55 AM |
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AlwaysSnow
LIF Infant
Member since 4/06 119 total posts
Name:
Snow
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Posted by Blu-ize
why wouldn't you change your name?
that would be my answer...
That should end the line of questioning.
but why bother asking that...it was my choice not to change my name, for my own reasons. I don't judge people that changed their name so why should anyone judge me for not.
edited for spelling
Message edited 10/4/2007 10:57:53 AM.
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| Posted 10/4/07 10:56 AM |
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Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Yes, I had someone ask me this. My husband is Chinese and someone asked me why I chose his name since I am white with a Chinese name. I couldn't believe it. So I have to marry someone with the same ethnicity as I am or I am not allowed to take my husbands name? 
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| Posted 10/4/07 10:57 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Posted by AlwaysSnow
Posted by Blu-ize
why wouldn't you change your name?
that would be my answer...
That should end the line of questioning.
but why bother asking that...it was my choice not to change my name, or my own reasons. I don't judge people that changed their name so why should anyone judge me for not.
because throwing it in her court most likely would stop the questioning.
I have people ask me inappropriate questions and I simply throw it back at them. "Why do you want to know?"
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| Posted 10/4/07 10:58 AM |
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JessieQ
Rest in Peace baby Rogan
Member since 6/07 1122 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Yes, and the weird thing is it was from a man- I didn't really know what to say, because it was literally right before a presentation I was to give where he was one of the examiners, so I didn't want to offend him.
He was married and his wife did not change her name, and he's in a field where many women do not change their name- same as you I think, scientific research- many women make a "name" for themselves and start publishing papers before they're married, so they decide to keep their maiden name after marriage.
I think whatever you decide (keep your name, change it, hyphenate it, make a new name, etc), it's rude for people to question your decision.
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:10 AM |
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
I was just so taken back by her question. I thought it was rude and unnecessary. Plus, she's like what about publications? I'm like, well my old name had 600 pages on pubmed (an online bio/medical search for publications), and my new name only has me and my FIL. So take that, ******! 
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:20 AM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
I think is rude to question that.
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:22 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
if she's not even wearing her w-ring, I wouldn't think twice about her comment
to answer your Q, no one has ever questioned me about taking DH's last name.
IMO, people would be more likely to ask that Q if you didn’t take DH's name. my sister kept her maiden and her IL’s threw a hissy fit the night before her wedding 
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:24 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Posted by Superkat
Yes, I had someone ask me this. My husband is Chinese and someone asked me why I chose his name since I am white with a Chinese name. I couldn't believe it. So I have to marry someone with the same ethnicity as I am or I am not allowed to take my husbands name?
 
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:26 AM |
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Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
Posted by Superkat
Yes, I had someone ask me this. My husband is Chinese and someone asked me why I chose his name since I am white with a Chinese name. I couldn't believe it. So I have to marry someone with the same ethnicity as I am or I am not allowed to take my husbands name?
For real. Stupid people are everywhere and they are breeding. 
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:27 AM |
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mtnmama
Member since 5/06 4794 total posts
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Message edited 7/30/2009 1:17:03 PM.
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:31 AM |
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Saltricia
Hello...it's been awhile!
Member since 8/07 1035 total posts
Name:
Patricia
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
People are seriously stupid i swear!!
I had someone ask me while I was on line at the Social Security office. She was like why are you here, I said I'm changing my name...she was like why are you changing your name, so I was like well I just got married...she was like wow people still do that? Yeah! They do stranger who asks to many questions?
Someone in my office asks me too! Too much work she said that's why she didn't do it?? I only had to go to the DMV, S.S., and the bank...it was all done in 1/2 a day...not that serious people LOL
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:33 AM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
should have asked her why she didnt? its a matter of choice tell her.
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:34 AM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Posted by Superkat
Yes, I had someone ask me this. My husband is Chinese and someone asked me why I chose his name since I am white with a Chinese name. I couldn't believe it. So I have to marry someone with the same ethnicity as I am or I am not allowed to take my husbands name?
Ok....that would totally P!ss me off!!
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:35 AM |
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JessieQ
Rest in Peace baby Rogan
Member since 6/07 1122 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Posted by glinda-goodwitch
I was just so taken back by her question. I thought it was rude and unnecessary. Plus, she's like what about publications? I'm like, well my old name had 600 pages on pubmed (an online bio/medical search for publications), and my new name only has me and my FIL. So take that, ******!
Although you shouldn't have to give her an explanation, I think that is a good reason- especially since you are relatively young (still in grad school right?), so how many publications can you have already in your maiden name. Like I said, many women in this field use this as a reason not to change their name, but that doesn't mean you HAVE to. And you actually will have an advantage by having a more unique name- and as for any papers you have with your maiden name, you can list them and either bold or put an * next to your name on your CV.
I looked really quick and found a few discussions of this topic..
How to include a publication into resume that was published under my maiden name?
Do we need a unique Science ID?
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:41 AM |
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
"I don't ask you why you DIDN'T change your name, so why are you challenging me on why I DID change mine?!"
There are many reasons why I took Kevin's name:
-I'm very traditional and ever since I was a little girl I knew I'd be taking my husband's name.
-I really feel like we're officially a family now having the same last name, I'm not just closer to him bc of it but his DD as well.
-I want us to all have the same last name when we eventually have a baby.
-My maiden name is often mis-spelled and mis-pronounced, my married name is so much easier!!
I didn't "lose my identity" by taking his name, I'm still the very same person that I was before. Taking his name doesn't erase the accomplishments that I acheived under my maiden name nor does it distance myself from my family. Besides, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:43 AM |
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JodiBabe
Married for 9 yrs!!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6672 total posts
Name:
Jodi
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
When we were introduced at our reception as Mr & Mrs Z. my brother later came up to me & said "I didn't know you were changing your name"....lol
If my daughter were still young then I probably wouldn't have since she has my maiden name but she was 21 when I got married.
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:47 AM |
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JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
No one's ever asked me that (yet), and I'm not sure what I'd say if they did. I don't have a simple answer; it was something I thought long and hard about.
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:49 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Yes. Over and over and over again.
At least 5 colleagues at work have asked me -- and one told me, "Don't do it!" Um, excuse me, when did this become YOUR business? I have had at least 3 people ARGUE with me about it.
I thought it was just a lawyer thing... Many of these women cannot fathom that, as a practicing lawyer, I would actually change my name. I don't care what THEY do, why do they care what I do?
I tell them it's a personal decision and that there are only 2 opinions that matter, neither of which is theirs.
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:53 AM |
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JessieQ
Rest in Peace baby Rogan
Member since 6/07 1122 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Posted by Superkat
Yes, I had someone ask me this. My husband is Chinese and someone asked me why I chose his name since I am white with a Chinese name. I couldn't believe it. So I have to marry someone with the same ethnicity as I am or I am not allowed to take my husbands name?
Wow, what a rude thing to say! My cousin just married a Japanese man this year, and is taking his last name- my grandmother was a little confused at first (mostly how to spell/pronounce the name) but even she was okay with is (and she's not the most open-minded of people).
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| Posted 10/4/07 11:53 AM |
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Re: Married girls who changed their name
Posted by JessieQ
Although you shouldn't have to give her an explanation, I think that is a good reason- especially since you are relatively young (still in grad school right?), so how many publications can you have already in your maiden name. Like I said, many women in this field use this as a reason not to change their name, but that doesn't mean you HAVE to. And you actually will have an advantage by having a more unique name- and as for any papers you have with your maiden name, you can list them and either bold or put an * next to your name on your CV.
I looked really quick and found a few discussions of this topic..
How to include a publication into resume that was published under my maiden name?
Do we need a unique Science ID?
Thanks! Actually that wasn't my reason for changig it AT ALL. But it is true, and I told her that to shut her up about the publication issue.
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| Posted 10/4/07 12:22 PM |
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