4 year old acting out before new baby

Good morning everyone,

I hope everyone is enjoying their MDW!!! This topic may have been brought up before but I can't seem to find it in old posts! I just need to know I'm not alone...


I'm due with my second DC in a few weeks and have a 4 year old DD. My DD is a delightful, happy and sweet girl about 60 % of the time. Lately, the other 40% of the time, she has been nasty, controlling, whiney and SUPER bratty about EVERYTHING! I have been working with children for over 15 years and I know this happens at this age in general, but definitely with another child on the way! I just need to know I'm not the only one dealing with these issues! It doesn't even upset me that much that she has tantrums, it more upsets me that she seems sad some of the time and that makes me upset. I should also add that she will be starting kindergarten in the Fall--another BIG change in her life coming very soon.

What are some things you did to help your first DC during this time? TIA for listening to my long post

Re: 4 year old acting out before new baby

My oldest (4 at the time I was pregnant) definitely acted out and got really nervous. She even developed an imaginary friend during that time. They asked me at school if anything was going on at home, I was like, umm, yeah, we're about to add a new family member.

I have one in between as well but I think it effected my 4 year old a lot more than my 2 year old and a lot more this time around than when she was 2. I think she understood it more and was worried about changes to come. This translated to acting out.

As soon as the baby was born, the issues all went away. Not everything immediately, but pretty shortly after, as soon as we were in somewhat of a new routine.

Re: 4 year old acting out before new baby

Thank you so much, this made me feel better. I know it is silly and that kids are resilient and will get over it, I was just tearing my hair out thinking about the melt downs once the baby actually comes!

She really is SO excited for DC2 to be here and I know she will be wonderful with him.

Re: 4 year old acting out before new baby

My kids are four years apart, and my daughter definitely went through something right before the baby was born, but it was very hard once he arrived and stopped sleeping so much during the day. My younger is seven months now and it's still a struggle for the older one to share attention. Somehow school went smoothly for her -- she never acted out or tantrummed there. (When her teacher told me this, I wondered what stranger child I dropped off every morning :))

I found an article about setting aside "special time" for the older sibling -- I'm looking for it now but I can't find it. Take about a half hour and play with your child. Let her decide what you play and how you play it -- besides making a mess or being mean, she can decide everything -- let her be in control, and label it as her "special time." I found this worked SUPER WELL for my kid. If you think about how much of your kid's life is out of her control, and how few choices she actually can make -- new baby taking so much time and attention away, rules raining down from teachers and parents, needing to share toys, cleaning up, time for food/bed, etc etc. no wonder this works so well. I found labeling and announcing this play time clearly worked well too because she'd want to spend hours bossing everyone around. Good luck!!

Re: 4 year old acting out before new baby

Thank you so much! I will look up some articles, but your suggestion would definitely be helpful for a little girl who LOVES to be in charge LOL I think she will appreciate the time I try to set aside, especially if my little guy sleeps a lot in the beginning.

Thanks again!!