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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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why do i have in-laws like this???
so dh's birthday was yesterday. MIL and FIL asked us to go by there for dinner after 5pm, but Dh requested they come here instead because all of DD's toys are here and it's easier for us to get her into her PJs and in the bath after dinner at home. MIL was not happy with that request and told Dh she was "sad" we wouldn't go there. We knew this was b/c she wanted to bring my SIL over there, who we don't speak to, and we didn't want that. MIL keeps trying to manipulate our plans to make that happen and it's very frustrating that she won't stop. Dh stood his ground and said it's easier they come here, so they agreed. Dh told her it was just going to be us and my parents, but MIL decided to text SIL about it and told her to ask to be invited. She texted DH and said she "heard" about it, asked if she can come, and said she wouldn't be here until 630/7. Dh said not to bother coming by because we are eating at 5 and putting dd to bed by 7 so it wasn't worth it. She said "ok no problem" and that was that.
Last night was very weird. MIL kept whispering to FIL about SIL being late, and at one point i finally blurted out "she's not coming we told her not to come because it would be too late." She looked confused when I said that and said she thought she was coming by. I didn't think much of it, because maybe SIL didn't tell her about her convo with DH. Well, at 7pm, as everyone was literally walking out the door, SIL walks in. She goes "I know you said not to come but i texted you" She was here for SIX MINUTES. Everyone was walking out, and I was in the bathroom getting dd in the bath because she had cake all over. She was just standing there awkwardly and not getting the hint that she shouldn't have come, since we said DONT COME (and she wasn't invited in the first place).
Would you discuss this with SIL and explain that you can't come to someone's house without getting the "OK" first? Or would you ignore it? I was very upset over it, as my family would never do this.
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Posted 10/7/17 9:28 AM  |
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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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why do i have in-laws like this???
Why didn't you want her to come over? She probably just wanted to drop off a gift. I wish my family insisted on coming over. They never do.
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| Posted 10/7/17 9:32 AM |
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Adri
Joy!
Member since 5/05 3116 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: why do i have in-laws like this???
I would ignore it. She is old enough to now learn to have common sense.
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| Posted 10/7/17 9:36 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: why do i have in-laws like this???
Posted by olive98
Why didn't you want her to come over? She probably just wanted to drop off a gift. I wish my family insisted on coming over. They never do.
lots of reasons behind it i could write pages and pages. she's mentally unstable amongst other things.
More importantly though, Dh told her not to come by and she didn't listen.
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| Posted 10/7/17 9:45 AM |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: why do i have in-laws like this???
Life is short! Be happy your in laws are alive, can be grandparents and love their son. They won’t be alive forever try to make the best of it. Could you try to make amends with his sister. I’m sure your Mil just wants her family together. Think about your own daughter not talking to someone you loved and not being able to be together with everyone. It’s awful. I’ve experience this and it’s heart breaking. Just a thought.
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| Posted 10/7/17 10:35 AM |
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Disneygirl17
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/16 496 total posts
Name:
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Re: why do i have in-laws like this???
Sounds exactly like something my mil would do. Have dh talk to her. No way that’s acceptable. Especially since she made it about her own daughter instead of her granddaughter. That would piss me off to no end
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| Posted 10/7/17 10:55 AM |
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iluvmynutty
Mom to E&M
Member since 12/08 1762 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: why do i have in-laws like this???
At this point in my life I have NO tolerance for people who do not respect my very reasonable boundaries. Just because someone is family does mean you have to become a doormat. I think both you and your DH handled that well.
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| Posted 10/7/17 12:10 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: why do i have in-laws like this???
Posted by iluvmynutty
At this point in my life I have NO tolerance for people who do not respect my very reasonable boundaries. Just because someone is family does mean you have to become a doormat. I think both you and your DH handled that well.
Thank you. I think we handled it well too. The reasons behind why she wasn't invited really aren't important here- What's important is that someone showed up without an invite and that's not ok.. If i texted asking to come over and didn't get a response, I would never show up anyway. I would be embarrassed to do that
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| Posted 10/8/17 8:41 AM |
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Re: why do i have in-laws like this???
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by iluvmynutty
At this point in my life I have NO tolerance for people who do not respect my very reasonable boundaries. Just because someone is family does mean you have to become a doormat. I think both you and your DH handled that well.
Thank you. I think we handled it well too. The reasons behind why she wasn't invited really aren't important here- What's important is that someone showed up without an invite and that's not ok.. If i texted asking to come over and didn't get a response, I would never show up anyway. I would be embarrassed to do that
I think your DH needs to tell your mother in law that she cannot so this. I remember you posting I think SIL has mental health and drug issues? Not sure if that was you? But I do know you have posted valid reasons for not having her over. I think your DH needs to simply tell your mil this behavior isn’t acceptable and if t continues she cannot come to visit ether.
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| Posted 10/8/17 9:22 AM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Re: why do i have in-laws like this???
Posted by TwinMommyToBoys
Posted by mommy2be716
Posted by iluvmynutty
At this point in my life I have NO tolerance for people who do not respect my very reasonable boundaries. Just because someone is family does mean you have to become a doormat. I think both you and your DH handled that well.
Thank you. I think we handled it well too. The reasons behind why she wasn't invited really aren't important here- What's important is that someone showed up without an invite and that's not ok.. If i texted asking to come over and didn't get a response, I would never show up anyway. I would be embarrassed to do that
I think your DH needs to tell your mother in law that she cannot so this. I remember you posting I think SIL has mental health and drug issues? Not sure if that was you? But I do know you have posted valid reasons for not having her over. I think your DH needs to simply tell your mil this behavior isn’t acceptable and if t continues she cannot come to visit ether.
yeah that was me. Her husband is the one who is more into drugs, but she has a couple of clinical mental disorders and is a heavy drinker, so her meds never work as a result. I feel bad at times because I know she suffers and her marriage is a complete and total disaster, but the second you soften up with her she goes too far. We've been nicer to her lately, which to her means she can now show up whenever she wants. If you give her an inch she takes a mile, which is why DH and their other sibling both keep her an arm's length.
He plans on addressing it with SIL to let her know that it's not OK. No plans to talk to MIL about it though. She shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place, and we feel if we have a conversation with her about it, we will just be involving her more. I'm sure SIL will call her and complain right after their conversation anyway, though
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| Posted 10/8/17 1:37 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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why do i have in-laws like this???
I'd cut your MIL a little slack...yes, I know she shouldn't have butted in, but I can't imagine if my kids didn't speak to each other. It has to be awful to not have your whole family together peacefully.
I'd have DH speak to his sister about it and not involve your MIL
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| Posted 10/8/17 2:43 PM |
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