parents of one child only

I am so happy to finally be a mommy. I know dd is only 10 months old and my mind may change, but I really feel complete with just one child. Financially it would be great, we would never need to move to get a bigger home, and I really don't have that urge to have another. Dh really wants two kids though. He says we need to give dd a sibling. I have 3 siblings and he has 2, and we both have fond memories as kids with them. Our Christmas mornings were always crazy and fun, as were the other holidays and birthdays we celebrated. I would feel bad "depriving" dd of this, but the other part of me feels like only children are a lot more common now than they were when we were kids.

For those who only have one child, do you regret it? Does your ds/dd get lonely and upset that they don't have a sibling? Please share!

Re: parents of one child only

It's amazing having only one child. I can't in a million years picture our family with more than one.
Money wise, time wise, space wise, sanity wise...
Dd has no desire for siblings. She never once in almost 7 years asked for one or asked why she didn't have one. When I ask her if she would have liked one her answer is always quickly and definitively NO!
She loves getting all our time and attention.
We can afford to do things, go places, give her experiences we might not be able to with more than 1.
I work full time and can't imagine having more than one child with my career.
I have a great balance now.
My family was complete the second she was born...It was just something I knew with every fiber of my being. Not once in 7 years has that feeling wavered. Ever.
I truly believe when you are done you just know.
Whether that be after 1 child or 5.

ETA...and the worst reason imo to have another child is to give your child a sibling. I am not sure who made up that "rule" that everyone needs a sibling but it never made any sense to me. You do whats best for YOU and whats in YOUR heart and either way your child will be just fine!

Message edited 5/27/2017 8:40:41 PM.

parents of one child only

I think you just "know" if you're done having kids. its just a feeling you have...
we adopted my oldest DS in 2012 (almost 5 years ago). He is 6 1/2 now. we waited 3 years to start the adoption process again, and now, 18 months later- our younger DS is here
Having one child for almost 5 years was great! I didn't have to work, had time to do all kinds of things with him. We don't have ANY family close by- so having only 1 kid made that less stressful (driving/packing/unpacking for visits, etc with only one kid was nice).
BUT.... we just had a feeling, and just "knew" we weren't done. When older DS would play by himself for a few minutes, I didn't think "OH THANK GOODNESS!! he's leaving me alone!!!!". Instead, i would think "I hate that he has to play alone. he needs a sibling to grow up with...." so, it was just this "nagging" feeling that we weren't "one and done".
I have 1 sister and although we're not super close, I can't imagine not having her around growing up, or now. DH grew up an only child, so he had that angle.
we're now 2 months into being parents of 2 kids. The boys are 6 and 3. they are RIDICULOUSLY crazy, we- no exaggeration- don't even have time to breathe..... its NO JOKE!!! BUT, they love each other, play together, laugh together, beat each other up LOL... and we're SO glad they have each other. theres nothing like it.
BUT, again, i think its just a feeling you have- and you just "know"....

parents of one child only

My DD is almost 6 and we absolutely don't regret not having another child. When she was younger, she used to say she wanted an older sister. I talked to her recently again about having a sibling and she told me doesn't want a younger sister or brother and that she's happy with me and daddy. That's all we need
I really don't feel like she's missing out on anything. She actually gets to do a lot more things than her friends with siblings do. She has friends and cousins that she is close with. She's happy and we're happy, that's all that matters.

parents of one child only

I think you just know. I have more than 1 kid. I have my twins. However to be honest, I wouldn't have another even if I just had 1 DH was adamant about at least 2 and he even said after I was pregnant with the twins he knew I wouldn't have a second and for him, this was our compromise, one pregnancy 2 kids. My days are crazy sometimes. Being a twinmom is a whole different ball game in itself. DH has recently mentioned how much he loves being a dad and is thinking of a 3rd... hell no. No idea who he plans on having this 3rd with but it's not me. My post partum body is cripling I'm in pain constantly from my loose joints during pregnancy stiffening I can barely move. My body can't handle another. I'm 28 and feel completely helpless many times. My life is complete with 2. I think you just know. I'm glad my twins have each other but if I had a single baby I likely would feel the same. For me pregnancy was a once in a lifetime type of thing. I wouldn't feel bad not giving DD a sibling. There is no rule to this. She will never know different

parents of one child only

I love having an only child. My dd is three and she is perfectly content without siblings. She plays well independently. She has cousins and lots of friends that she asks to see frequently. She never asks for a sibling and when she is asked if she wants a sibling she quickly answers NO. Having an only child has allowed me to stay home-we are able to afford extras for dd that we could not provide for two or more.
My daughter is my greatest gift and I feel our family is complete.
I agree with NervousNell- giving your child a sibling is a terrible reason to have another child.

parents of one child only

DH and I have absolutely no desire for another child. When I think about our future, I only see the three of us.

Our DD is 17 months old, so too young to ask for a sibling. I agree with previous posters that giving your child a sibling is a ridiculous reason to have another child. I have a sibling, DH has 2 siblings and neither of us are close with them.

We also work all the time and don't spend as much time with her as we would like, so further splitting time is just absurd for us. I would rather do right by one then wrong by two. Also, I know this is kind of soap-boxy, but I would lose more and more of myself with each kid I had. I'm not willing to do that, particularly with my career. A huge thing for me is setting an example of how important it is to be ambitious and driven and that we should all aim to shatter the glass ceiling. For me, giving her that is more important than giving her a sibling and I personally don't think I could do both.

parents of one child only

DH and i are happy with one child. We struggled to have this one so i have no desire to put ourselves through that again.

She is 18 months and has friends at her mommy and me classes i go to. I don't think she will miss having a sibling as long as i keep her busy with other things. Plus just because you have a sister or brother doesn't mean you'll be bffs for the rest of you life. That is certainly not the case for DH and i since neither of us are close to our siblings and are closer to friends.

Having another child should be a choice you make for yourself only and if its not in the cards, its ok.

Re: parents of one child only

DS is 11. At some point I wanted another child, but DH didn't. At that point it didn't happen, and then the window was closed. I felt it was meant to be to only have DS and for that reason I don't have regrets.

DS has never asked for another one. In his perfect but unrealistic scenario, if he had a sibling, he wishes it was a boy few months apart from him. The ups of having only one are amazing. Our attention, since we both can go to all of his games and activities; the trips we can make would be impossible if we had 2; we usually can invite one of his friends to sports events, since DH gets 4 tickets each game from his office. Some of his friends are 'only one' kids, so I'd say it is more common now than when I was growing up.

Although I was very close to my sister when growing up, DH wasn't with his brother; so there is no guarantee about it. I don't think DS is missing out; but I think he is having some opportunities he wouldn't if he wasn't the only one.

Message edited 5/29/2017 12:26:46 PM.

parents of one child only

DS is 4 1/2 right now and does on occasion ask for a sibling. I think for him if we had a second child closer to his age, it would have been great for social skills, but unfortunately the timing never seemed to work out. There are days I am over the moon happy we only have him and then there are days when I wish we had a second, especially as I get older. I, myself, am a single child and I always felt as if I was missing out on having a special bond with a sibling. I have cousins but our stages of life have never coincided. Unfortunately the same cycle seems to be happening to my DS as well, as he has no cousins to formulate that bond with that others are lucky to have.

So in short, if I had it to do again, I may have tried to have a second when he was slightly younger but now I feel as if we've missed that time to do it. I absolutely love having him and if in my life he ends up being my "only" child, thats okay with me.

Re: parents of one child only

I have one and we will not have another one.
but i never felt done. i still want to have another one, but i dont have the money or energy for another one. people say im depriving her of a sibling but you know what if i had a kid id be depriving her of a good life. we wouldnt have the money or energy to give her everything she can enjoy now and in the future. her future would be less secure and more scary if we just went and had more kids.
our lifestyle right now only warrants one child.
and she is happy. she would def. def. be happier with another child lets be honest, she loves watching other kids and wants a playmate but shes already 5 now and they would be too far apart for most of that stuff. so ill just focus on giving her a good friend base. and she never asks about a sibling even when she knows her other friends have them. i think she knows that we are a "3 family" and that is just what we are.

Message edited 5/29/2017 9:24:13 AM.

Re: parents of one child only

I think that this is such a personal decision. You'll get as many opinions as the number of people you ask. IMO, as for the only child vs siblings, there are pros and cons of each scenario. The only gets all the parents' resources and attention. With siblings, the children have to split resources, but they gain unique life campanions whether or not they are close as adults. So not like one is right or wrong.

I have three children. DH and I both have siblings. I always wanted a larger family bc we truly enjoy children. And yes, I wanted my kids to grow up with siblings. My mom is an only child and I see that she's sad now as an older adult that she has no siblings or much extended family now that her parents, aunts and uncles have all passed away.

After my third, I just knew we were done. I have zero desire for another. I think you'll just have a feeling when you are done.

parents of one child only

I have only 1 and do not feel done or that my family is complete. I have always wanted another but it just didn't happen for us and now that I am 44 (DS is 5 1/2) physically I would not be able to handle a pregnancy. We are starting the process to foster/foster to adopt so hopefully one day we can complete our family. I have no desire to go through the baby years again though. That is why we opted to go the foster care route.
My son asks for a brother or sister all the time. He was actually in hysterical tears about it the other day. Puppy dog face and all. I try to explain that if we had a baby he would not be able to play with it right now. He does not understand. I always envisioned myself with 5-6 kids but ended up starting later in life so I knew I would never be able to do that on my own. But adoption was also always a part of my vision.

Re: parents of one child only

I can't believe im going to say this as a mom of two, lol... stay with one. I loveee my 2nd, but having two is so hard and we had it so good. I miss the independence of being able to give my older one whatever he needs and do what i need to keep myself sane!

parents of one child only

I am struggling with this decision as an only child myself. I have a 13 month old and am so happy with him, I'm not sure I want another for financial reasons and selfishly, personal reasons. I hated being out of shape for pregnancy and now that I'm back in shape, I don't want to ruin it.

As an only child myself, I do want to have a sibling for my son. I hated being an only child, even though I told my parents I didn't mind it. Now as my parents are aging, I'm dealing with things that I wish I had someone else to share them with. I know I was fine being an only child as a child, just wish I had a sibling as an adult. Adulthood is a lot longer than childhood and I think I would end up giving my son a sibling somewhat for adulthood, if that makes sense.

Message edited 5/30/2017 3:54:01 PM.