Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I'm due with dd2 in less than 2 months. I already feel guilty. Guilty that I'm taking part of me away from dd. Guilty that dd1 is my world and I can't imagine loving anyone as much as her. I know when they put dd2 in my arms I will, but I feel guilty.

Not to mention the whole routine adjustment.

How was it for you going from 1 to 2?

They will be exactly 2 years apart. Which also makes me anxious bc I don't want dd2 to be born on dd1s birthday. ....if I can help it.

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

You are doing a wonderful thing giving DD a sibling. Believe me you are not the only one who feels this way, but when the baby is born the love you thought was just enough for one will grow. Just like when it was only you and DH then you had DD your love grew... well, it'll happen again. Not to sound too sappy. LOL! I'm furthest from it, but my boys are 25 months apart. They are 5 and 3 (almost 6 and 4 soon) and the best of friends. My younger DS gets excited for his big brother to come home from school. Heck, all the things DS2 has learned like songs, alphabet, counting, etc has all come from his older brother. LOL!

Your DD is young enough that she won't remember a time not having a sibling and they'll always have each other. My boys do fight, but they are always together entertaining each other. I love it bc I have free time to get things done. It's not rainbows and unicorns, but it's what makes us a family and without DS2 I don't think we'd be complete like we are now.

Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

my 2 kids are 19 months apart. Your feelings are totally normal. I didn't think I could love anyone as much as DD1 until I held DD2 in my arms. Best feeling. I actually thought I adjusted pretty quickly with 2 kids. I found it easier going from 1-2 kids than 0-1 kid. You will be fine. I am going on #3...and I have similar feelings.

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I think we all go through that. I felt so guilty for how I was turning DC1's life upside down. And then I felt guilty that I was more concerned with DC1 than DC2 so I felt bad about that, as if DC2 was being neglected.

Now, what I love most about having two kids is watching THEIR relationship grow. They are becoming their own little team and now DH and I are taking a backseat to that friendship (which is fine with us - that is the family we always pictured and wanted). Watching how they light up when they see each other every morning is the greatest thing in the world. Seeing the spontaneous hugs and watching DC1 run and push me out of the way to comfort DC2 when he gets hurt makes my heart feel like it will burst.

So yes, there will be an adjustment period for everyone and there will be some tears (I cried most of all lol), but it's all worth it and you soon enough won't be able to imagine your family any other way!

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

My dc are 26 months apart. When I brought Aidan home from the hospital, im not going to lie, I cried alot. Lara wanted attention at certain times that I just couldnt give her and I would break down. I felt so bad. She would ask me to read a book of course at the same time Aidan would be having a crying fit or I was trying to get him to sleep. It was hard for me. But those feelings pass and you do what you can and no matter what your children know you love them. And we do the best we can to make them happy. You will be awesome!!!!!!

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

It is so normal to feel this way.

But can I tell you? My sister is probably the best gift my parents EVER gave me.

It was when I was little, it was when I was growing up, and it still is to this day.

Not to mention my brother too - it's a tie between the two of them!

Having siblings, to me, is like Heaven-sent.

So, just keep telling yourself that

Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited for dd to have a sister, especially so close in age to grow up with. I know she will be an amazing big sister and for them to have each other is a huge blessing.

Message edited 5/18/2015 2:25:30 PM.

Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I had the same feelings and often cried about it towards my delivery date. I promise you will actually FEEL your heart expand to fit your new baby and your first daughter will be okay. Hugs!

Message edited 5/18/2015 2:31:35 PM.

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

mine are 15 months apart and i can say i felt everything you are feeling. Im not going to sugar coat it...in the beginning it is rough.
I felt extremely guilty...i would go to nurse my son and my daughter would start hysterically crying screaming mommy mommy mommy...i would be in tears too feeling guilty that i cant give her attention. it sucks - there is no other way to describe it
however, as the days pass, you get to see them interact and as hard as the beginning is; it is so worth it! i would have my daughter be my little helper which made her feel so special. i also let her do things i normally wouldnt allow while i was nursing the baby (ie - putting on her favorite tv show), giving her chocolate etc. i did whatever it took to keep them both happy. Now, 1 yr later, my daughter helped my ds learn how to walk by holding his hand and helping him stand. they are adorable together

Message edited 5/18/2015 2:32:42 PM.

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I had ds2 13 days ago and it has been a rough transition. My ds1 is 22 months and he is at a tough age and is really pushing the limits with everything. I have shed a few tears because I feel like I can't give my ds1 100% of me right now especially when I am trying to nurse the baby. I have a brother and sister so I know how glad I am for siblings so I tell myself this is one little phase and everything will be better.

Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

Honestly, my relationship with DD1 did change in some ways when I had my second. I love them both more than anything and I have a unique relationship with each of them. To say nothing changed with my first though I think would be a lie. But I'm sure our relationship will change many times throughout our lives for different reasons and it's not a bad thing. My girls are 2.5 years apart and DD1 just turned 3 so we've hit the independent, I can do everything myself stage. I miss my baby and being the one who did everything for her but that would have happened anyway. She loves being a big sister, especially as the baby is getting more fun to play with. The early days when all the baby did was sleep I could give most of my attention to the older one. Now she's adjusted to sharing me and the baby is a bit needier so I can give more attention to the baby. You just take it one day at a time and on the rough days one meltdown at a time. Soon enough you won't be able to remember life before 2 kids.

Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I personally never had any worry about taking anything away - I always felt like giving her a sibling was worth so much more than the piece of me she would lose. I have zero guilt about adding another into the mix - my DDs are so excited and ask on a daily basis if the baby is coming yet. Any time we mention the baby DD2 says "I'm going to hold her and kiss her" - it is the cutest.

I will go ahead and say what most people won't - while of course you will love both kids the same, DD1 will always have a special place in your heart. I love DD2 just as much, but it is just different with DD1. Your heart really does just grow, but you will still feel differently about each child.

My advice is to keep DD1 involved with the baby. DD1 and DD2 are 23 months apart, and DD3 will be about 28 months from DD2. When DD2 was born I asked DD1 to help me with diaper changes and made little jobs for her to help her feel involved. And while I nursed I asked her to sing songs for me. She never felt left out. I am already prepping DDs to help with DD3, and at age 4, DD1 might actually be a help!

Above all, DD1 and DD2 are best friends. They love each other and take care of each other. You can't give one something without asking for one for their sister - even when DD1 is at school, I have to give DD2 two of everything so she has one for her sister.

And last, your DD is so young she will adjust quickly and have no recollection of life before #2!

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

So normal! I felt so bad and guilty when I had DS. To make matters worse, I was still bfing DD (she was 23 months) and she wanted to bf all the time after DS was born, which isn't possible with a newborn. So I had to wean her and she kept asking me to put my DS back in my belly. UGH!

That being said, the beginning can be rough (DD was very jealous, didn't like to share time, DS cried a lot and it is hard to manage a 2 year old with a baby that needs to be held all the time), but once they get to the age they can both play, it is amazing. DS is almost 2 and DD is almost 4 and they are besties. DD keeps asking if DS can join her class at school (if only!) Do they fight? YES! But do they love each other so much? Yes, and it is so awesome!

Good luck!

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

No matter what, there is going to be an adjustment period for both you and your daughter. Just try to involve her as much as possible.

I'm having #2 in less than 2 weeks and we've tried to involve DS as much as possible. We let him pick out gifts this weekend to bring to the hospital when he meets his new sister. Little things like that to get him excited.

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I know exactly how you're feeling. I had DS when my DD was 18 months. I had the same exact feelings but it really all works out.

first of all my DD absolutely loves her brother. The routine changed a little of course with the baby, but honestly not much. My DD is 2 and still demands more attention than my son and she gets it! so I never feel guilty that she's lacking attention.

she does have her moments where she cries or whines when I'm holding the baby and she wants something, but she's 2 so she cries and whines about a lot of stuff. haha

the truth is I know I can't imagine my life without my brothers and giving your child a sibling is giving them the greatest gift ever! so try not to feel guilt!

good luck and enjoy watching them together. it is so fun!

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

My kids are 3 years apart so I think it is a little harder in that your oldest is younger other than that it all falls into place.

YES you can love another one as much as your first, it is crazy to consider before #2 gets here but it is possible, love multiplies not divides

I also felt going from 0-1 was harder than 1-2, our lifestyle has already changed so much having a kid that its like whats one more?

GOOD LUCK and congrats, it will be fine!

ETA: There was guilt bc my DS was very jealous at first and that made me sad. Now. months later, he is sometimes still jealous but he loves her and is so attached to her. The way she looks at him is AMAZING. And I agree w those who said a sibling is the greatest gift, my brother is the person I trust most in this world other than my DH.

Message edited 5/18/2015 7:23:40 PM.

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I know adjustment can be hard and scary no matter what the reason. I don't understand it in the same way as the rest of the ladies but I can send you

Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I just went through this, still am really. My son is 2 months old and dd is 2.5 yrs old. That's all I was worried about was how things would affect dd. The first few weeks were a little rough but overall dd is adjusting well. She loves her brother so much and we are a family. She is like a little mom lol always checking on him etc. I think it's a normal feeling and concern but just know that you are not doing anything detrimental to your dd, it's a positive thing in the long run for her to have the love of a sister. You will love them both the same

Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

It was definitely an adjustment for months in my situation. I definitely felt guilit, and didn't really feel it until the baby was home. It's an adjustment for everyone in the family. In the end it's a positive thing, but the dynamic of the family changes. I wouldn't change anything, but it's just a transition.

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I am right there with you, down to they will both be August babies and hoping their birthdays are not on top of each other!!

I'm wondering how there's going to be enough of me to go around, esp after returning to a demanding full time job. We'll get through it one day at a time, which has pretty much been my motto since DD was born.

I agree with the others the best thing we can do is provide our DCs with siblings. I can't wait for my family to grow and see DD as a big sister to her little brother. She loves babies and kids so much, I'm hoping that's the case with DS! I also like the suggestion to have them help and keep them involved. I totally see my DD as a little mommy to her brother.

Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I Felt the same way as you, then #2 arrived and the whole family (and world) is a better place because of her

Message edited 5/18/2015 10:27:28 PM.

Re: Going from 1 to 2... Guilt, among other things

I felt the same way and we have a 9 year difference! It's normal to feel that way because your whole world will soon change along with the routine of things. My last month I cried and cried thinking about how scared he must feel. I unfortunately went into full labor in front of him and had to give him to my exDH at the hospital mid contraction so it kind of prepared him for what was going to happen. For us, everything just fell into place and even though we can't do things the way we did before, we are enjoying her being in our lives. Have her help out with little things here and there. My DS pushes her stroller when we shop and always brings me diapers and things when I ask. He feels important and included and helps with the jealousy.

Message edited 5/18/2015 11:43:51 PM.