what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

we had our mothers day tea yesterday at school and i witnessed first hand the group of girls ignoring my daughter and excluding her from playing. she is a very social kid, and tends to be a little too in your face and overwhelming for alot of kids.

she was so upset when she got home and told me they are always mean to her and dont talk to her.

her teacher is awesome and has been working on different things throughout the year but this particular group of girls are just tough. there are only 9 girls in the class and this group is about 6 girls who do dance and everything together.

she is 5 years old. i just dont know what to say to her to make her feel better. i tell her to go find someone else to play with but sometimes they are all playing together so she just plays by herself

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

my heart breaks reading this. at such a young age girls are being mean? I'm dreading this with my DD when she gets to that age.

I think the only thing you can tell her is to be nice to everyone and if those girls don't want to play with you then they are missing out and I'd encourage her to befriend other girls in the class that are not part of that group.

or play with the boys. haha. I know that isn't so easy but at that age don't the boys and girls still intermingle?

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

I was going to suggest the same thing, to play with the boys. My son plays with the boys and girls, I actually think he plays more with the girls. Maybe cause he's used to it since he's always around his girl cousins.

As far as the Mean Girls thing, sorry she is going through that. My niece went through something similar at that age and is still dealing with in 5th grade. Just encourage confidence in herself and maybe she can play with one girl that isn't that close to the group. It hard because you want to protect them, especially so young but you can't! Have you tried talking with the teacher? Maybe separating the group for some activities, idk if that's a thing.

We just kept telling my niece that it's ok, not everyone are friends with each other and some kids aren't nice. Now I tell her sometimes its good to have one or two great friends than 10 cliquey fake friends.

It's actually to the point that my niece researched an all girls, rigorous academic school to attend in 7th grade.

Message edited 5/8/2015 12:42:24 PM.

what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

i have spoken to the teacher and she has been doing a couple things that have helped, but as soon as their recess time comes that is when no one will play with her. when they are 'forced' to during class time then they will talk to her.

she does play with 2 of the boys really well. but shes a girly girl and the boys are running around doing boy things that she is not into.

my heart is just breaking for her because she is such a sweet little girl who wants to be everyones friend, she is just overwhelming. i just dont know the right thing to say to her to make her feel better. like someone had said, i do not want her to lose her confidence because of these girls. i can not wait until she is in kindergarten next year and there are more kids, she is in a very small preschool where all the parents seem to know everyone so the kids all know eachother and hang out all the time.

what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

This is awful :( My DD is still young and I haven't experienced this at all yet.

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

Maybe they don't realize they are doing it? Has she asked to play with them? I know that's a hard one because I wouldn't want her to ask and then get rejected. Hopefully, kindergarten will be better but I know sometimes it still exist. It's hard when you have girls in this aspect.

what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

So heartbreaking, but just think it's a phase and this too shall pass. Keep talking to your dd and tell her that not everyone is going to be friends and try to play with the other girls.

Are you friendly with any of these girls moms? Maybe getting together outside of school where it's just one and one with your dd and one of these girls will help start a relationship. Girls are btches in groups, but usually better one on one. And unfortunately that carries on at any age.

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

I've always told myself that I would make sure to teach my DD to include and play with everyone and this is a good reminder.

I think some of the moms of the girls in this group probably don't even realize that their DDs are leaving someone else out. I think if you're child isn't the one with the hurt feelings you don't pay as much attention.

its important to pay attention if you're child is on either end and teach them the right lessons on how to treat your peers.

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

Tell her to play with the other 2-3 girls.
Do a play date with one of them.
All she needs is 1-2 good friends.
I'm pretty sure they are being excluded too.

what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

Girls are the worst. It definitely does not get any easier. What I tell my daughter is that she needs to be nice to everyone even if they are mean to her. Find someone that is alone and play with them because that makes her a good friend. The friend dynamic changes so often that these girls probably won't be friends for much longer then a new kid will be left out.

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

Im crashing but wondering why you made this statement "she is a very social kid, and tends to be a little too in your face and overwhelming for alot of kids"

why do you think she is so overwhelming and in the faces of other kids?

If she is overwhelming there must be a reason why and is it possible the other kids do not know how to deal with her and so they step back?

Many adults would do the same if they felt overwhelmed or someone was in their "space"

not looking to cause drama just asking.

I hate to see any child feeling left out just as I would if she were an adult

Message edited 5/8/2015 5:57:51 PM.

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

have you thought about maybe setting up a play date for your DD with one of the girls from the group?

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

Ugh! I feel so bad. It's sad this happens at such a young age. Tell your DD to keep her chin up. It's just part of life..

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

It sounds to me like since these girls all hang out outside of school they are good friends and very comfortable with each other. Maybe you could invite them all over for a play date or something so the girls all play together in your daughters environment.

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

My heart breaks reading this. As others have suggested, I would try scheduling playdates one on one with the other girls who aren't part of the group. I would also speak to the teacher about it and ask for suggestions.

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

I just want to add, that I even though it's heartbreaking to watch your daughter be excluded, this is also a good lesson to teach. Explain to your DD that not everyone needs to be friends. I always tell my DS that he doesn't have to like everyone but he has to be kind and treat everyone with respect. I also explain to him that unfortunately, not everyone will like him either. That's life. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I want my kids to be independent thinkers and understand that this is the way the world works.

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

Re: what can i tell my daughter about 'mean girls'

offering i have a little girl, and i know girls can be so mean.. like a pp said, see if you can schedule some time with one of the other mom's. I had moved schools a few times, and it was never an easy transition. I some how got involved in martial arts, and it was the best confidence booster ever.. I don't know what it is about it but the discipline, helped me a lot (although I was a bit older than your girl when I started classes). It's hard.. and if she is hurt, help her express those emotions, and acknowledge it and help her develop from it.