Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

My DH is considering taking a job promotion where he would be traveling almost every other week and staying away M-F. It would mean considerable more money. Enough that possibly in a year or so I could retire from working FT in NYC as I do now. That would be amazing and there's nothing I'd rather do, but up until that point things might be super stressed.

Right now our boys are 4 and 11M. Currently my mom watches them both. The older one goes to school M, W, F in the mornings.

For the fall we are reevaluating how many days/hours he will go and/or possibly the little guy too. We would probably spring for early drop off and I can take him to school before heading to a train. My mom can get them after and I'll get them in the evening.

I'm worried about handling all the responsibilities of getting up and out of the house, baths and to bed each night, and not cracking under the pressure. My parents are always willing to go above and beyond and watch them any night I have to work late which (thank goodness) isn't too often. And I'm trying to arrange working from home about once a week where I can have the kids stay with me, not my mom. She can pop over if I have a meeting/call to attend to.

I'm looking for advice. Anyone go through something similar and/or have any words of wisdom? TIA!!!

Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

I didn't go through it but my mom did multiple times and my dad was gone for months at a time. It just became the new normal in our house. We went from breakfast and dinner together as a family to seeing my dad every few months. My mother was our rock. If she ever cracked we never knew it. I have to saw that time built my relationship with my mom. She is an amazing woman. She never talks about that time as a bad time. We have been through worse as a family and that time she was on her own isn't even in the top 20. I think we just learn how to manage.

I will say with my dad being away so much our relationship suffered. While it made my mom and me closer it definitely pushed my dad and me a part. Even when my dad was home I still wanted mom for everything.

So outside of if you think you can survive think about if the boys will be affected.

Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

Thank you alli3131. Lots to think about.

Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

My DH travels a lot for part of the year- he is usually away 10-14 days then home for 7 days. It is very challenging having him away. I have one Dd and stay at home full time but it is still tough. The hardest part for us is the transition from him being away to being home. When he is home he "forgets" that I have been managing everything alone. The hardest times are when I get sick.

Re: Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

I'm sure it will be stressful but it sounds like a great opportunity which will benefit you and your family in the end. You will be able to retire which will ultimately leave you with much less stress.

Being gone m-f every other week will be a touch adjustment. My husband works nights and in the beginning I was so sad that he wasn't around to watch TV with or go to sleep with but now it is just our "normal" and I don't even think about it.

Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

My DH travels for work Tues--Thurs/Friday 3 weeks a month. It is definitely NOT easy. I work FT and both kids (2.5 and 8 months) go to daycare. My 8 month old is still not sleeping throughbthe night. I'm absolutely exhausted. However, it is doable. I have a system from the minute we walk through the door after daycare. At first it was hard bc DS1 wanted my attention or to play. Now he is adjusted to routine. After kids are down for night, I orepare EVERYTHING for the next morning.

I do feel bad for DH. He misses out on a lot. We do FaceTime every night and I take lots of video and send it to him.

Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

My DH travels for work Tues--Thurs/Friday 3 weeks a month. It is definitely NOT easy. I work FT and both kids (2.5 and 8 months) go to daycare. My 8 month old is still not sleeping throughbthe night. I'm absolutely exhausted. However, it is doable. I have a system from the minute we walk through the door after daycare. At first it was hard bc DS1 wanted my attention or to play. Now he is adjusted to routine. After kids are down for night, I orepare EVERYTHING for the next morning.

I do feel bad for DH. He misses out on a lot. We do FaceTime every night and I take lots of video and send it to him.

Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

I personally wouldn't want that and know I'd be stressed and resentful (for various reasons) about it. Everyone is comfortable with different things though. You have to choose what is right for you and your situation.

Re: Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

My DH doesn't travel often, but he's out at 6 AM and home most nights after 7 PM
I am the 'default' parent - DH helps when he can, but the overall responsibility of the day to day falls on me. If I have something happening I am the one scheduling w/ him a week in advance to clear his afternoon to get home to pick up the kids, or getting my parents to pick up the kids etc .........He goes about his business (as he has a significantly higher position, with a significantly larger paycheck)

I also work FT in the city and am out of the house at 6:45, on a 7;15 train - and off the train about 5:45 ........
I do dinner, and baths ........and basically everything else on a 'regular' basis - DH hangs out and plays with them when he gets home - but by that time all of the 'have to's are done - Homework, baths, dinner (usually) any practices or games .....etc.

It's not easy, but I manage it.

I think if you ultimately want to SAH and this will get you there, a year or a year and a half .....you can totally do it. I've been doing it for 6 years

I'm at the point that I've had enough, for other reasons (see the Parents of School Age Children Board ) but I think you can totally do it.

FM me if you want to chat about it

Message edited 4/27/2015 10:14:41 AM.

Re: Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

Re: Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

Thank you all for the responses. My DH and I are still discussing. He's thinking it may be traveling less than every other week but still a lot. I've been trying to "practice" in the morning and try to get both kids up and ready myself. Yes, it's possible but not always easy.

Thanks again everyone!

Caring for 2 boys alone M-F

My situation is the same as Marisa's. Dh often gets home later than 7 and ds is already in bed. He is also out of the house by 5:30, so he doesn't help in the morning. I am ftwm (see other post) and ds is at daycare for 10 hours a day. Dh often has to stay over in jersey for work as well. It can get hard and lonely, but the weekends are amazing and we really take advantage of them. We are also able to afford many things because of dh's job, and will both likely be able to retire early (even with college payments for DC)..... Unless we have more than 3 kids in the end, lol. It's a trade-off, dh does miss ds, but they spend lots of QT when together.