Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

My son just turned 4. He has always been a "Mama's boy". However, he is very social and has no issue with going to preschool and playing with other kids.

For the past month, our issue is at home. He always wants me in the same room as him- even when he uses the bathroom!!! He panics and screams if I run upstairs to grab something.

The worst is at night. He has always slept all night in his room, alone, since he was a baby. Never a co sleeper. Now, he wakes up in a sweat and either screams until we come in, or comes in our room to sleep. Every single night. Anytime I try to get him to sleep alone, he just cries. He says he is scared.

Any tips to reassure him, and get him back on track? He seems genuinely scared and distraught.

Re: Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

Ugg that's so sad. No advice, just

Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

My 4 year old son is the exact same way right now! No advice either because I am struggling with it too but you are not alone.

Re: Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

I feel like they go through phases. DS1 just turned 5, but he was going through a phase like that. Not so much being alone in the bathroom, but definitely at night. He wound up on the floor in my bedroom every night. I kept a big blanket in the room to put on the floor along with a pillow and light blanket. He'd call me around 11PM first and I'd get him back to sleep then 2AM wouldn't have it and cried to come in my room. I gave in bc I was tired and didn't want him to wake his younger brother. I felt that at least he wasn't in my bed and he won't be in my room forever. In a few more years I know I'd miss it. We cuddle every morning, but the deal was after 7AM to come in my bed.
It happened for months. Lots of bribery, reward charts, etc. Sometimes it worked and sometimes not. He loved school and friends too. Closer to 5 he was getting better and now at 5 (he turned 5 yesterday) he does sleep through the night in his room. He still comes in my room each morning, which is fine. I got him a clock and some cool superhero flashlights he can have in his room. He has a sound machine and likes to look at the pics on the ceiling. Just lots of talking to him, rewards, etc.

Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

My 2 YO DS goes through times when he is like that. I let him sleep with the light on which helps and I try and tell him mommy is right next door and will be there if he needs me.

Re: Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

Jack has been exhibiting some similar behaviors - he turned 4 on 5/6.

He will ask that I hold his hand and walk down the stairs next to him. He will ask us to stay in his room with him while he plays or watches tv.

He begs for one of us to "lay with him" every single night at bed time.

For my son, I think he is just attention seeking. I don't really think its a separation thing. He is OK 90% of drop offs at daycare.

Do you use a night light and white noise? Those help Jack. Is he having night terrors?

Message edited 5/29/2014 9:32:37 AM.

Re: Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

Thanks everyone! It is nice to know I am not the only one.

I am going to try some of your suggestions. Hopefully it is just a phase.


This is just new to me. I want to be firm and get him back to sleeping independently, while still reassuring him and acknowledging his fears.

Re: Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

Sounds like nightmares or night terrors. How about going and picking out a special night light together(even if its the second one) I also realized that my son was much more wound up and slept restlessly when he was able to use his kindle. Is he watching TV shows like scooby doo or batman?

Re: Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

Re: Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

My 4 year old son is very scared to sleep by himself. I started having him sleep with his sister and he is much better. If sleeping with a sibling is not an option for you, are you open to having him sleep with you?

Re: Sleep/separation issues with 4 year old!

I feel like at 4 they really start to develop fears.
Their imaginations get more active, they remember things from TV, etc.
DD is almost 4 and suddenly has all these fears.
Most nights she is ok but some nights she tells me she is scared and wants to sleep with me.
I will let her fall asleep on the couch with me or in my bed with me and then transfer her to her room when she is out cold.

I really do think it's a phase with that age.