my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

hi ladies.

i just dont know how to get my mind to calm down lately.

i am 36 and pg due to ivf. this will be dc #1.

the last couple weeks i have been more on edge and then last week threw me over the edge.

i am almost 12 weeks now and i would think this is when i would start to be able to breathe. NOT.
I was released from my re last week and saw the reg obgyn. he mentioned i may have high blood pressure. okay. now off to perionatologist bc i am high risk due to age and ivf.
well he found placenta issues and have to start a blood thinner. totallllly freaked me out. then they were asking tons of questins about should i do amnio etc...just too much for me.
recheck blood pressure at reg ob on monday and its still high. so he said lets keep an eye on it and if its still high in 3 weeks we will do medication.

okay. btw i have anxiety disorder that i have taken meds for for years now. i cannot take xanax for emergiencies anymore bc of baby but with the exception of this week i have been okay.

so last night....reading baby magazines..relaxing...my whole body freaked out and went into a full blown panic attack for about 5 minutes.

today i just feel verrrry edgy and overanalyzing every breather and heart beat.

i am beyond scared.. i am scared about baby's placenta. i am scared that my blood pressure is already an issue...what if i get preeclampsia? what if i cant even make it to a safe gestational age bc of all my issues?? okay ...what if i die bc my heart cant take the stress? okay last one is far fetched but the blood pressure issue is freaking me out.

i feel verrrrrrry alone and scared and how the hecccckkk am i going to be able to care for this baby inside of me and keep him safe?i completely feel i am failing him already and setting him up for health issues in his life!

i have a therapist and a great hubby but i cannot shut my mind off.

thanks for listening. i am just in tears.

xoxo

Message edited 10/19/2011 11:33:47 AM.

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...almost in tears.

What are you anxious about? I hope you feel better soon!!!

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...almost in tears.

Message edited 10/19/2011 11:37:03 AM.

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

oh no! it's ok, take some deep breaths

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

We are all here for you and have gone through the same fears. Your LO is going to be fine and you are already taking the correct steps to ensure a healthy baby. Try to look at the positive side, this is all happening and being taken care of because you are a great mom already and you love your baby! Keep your head up!

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

I think at some point you need to realize that you will do everything in your power to make sure the baby is healthy. But some things are beyond your control and you need to let those go. Living in fear for the the next 6months is not going to be good for the baby.

Yes we all have a little fear but at some point I just gave it over to nature and my Drs. I know easier said then done.

Is there anything that you do that helps relieve stress. I know pre PG the gym was my savior.....now its just walks with my puppy. You need to find soemthing that will take the place of the things running through your head. Also step away from google or any other books or anything where you can read bad things. You are under the care of soem great Drs and test them to give you the right answers on health issues not the internet.

Try not to think about too far into the furture and take one day at a time....its much easier to deal with the now situations rather than the what ifs.

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

I too suffer from anxiety so I totally understand your fears and anxieties ESPECIALLY DURING PREGNANCY. But like the pp said there is only so much you can do to make sure you are doing what is best for you and baby. You have to try to relax ,you do. Try reading a good book or watching a good movie to take your mind off of things for a little while. You will be fine and baby will be fine. Im a firm believer in the power of positive thinking. try to focus on the good. your drs will do everything for you and baby you just need to start enjoying this.

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

Sorry ur going thru this. Try to do basic tasks. Like for examppe..just focus on your breathing.
You are not alone in this. We all get worries about our pregnancies. This is natural. Try to only focus on the positive and if you can, rationalize one problem at a time. Hope u feel better.

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

I can completely understand and I think going through IF makes the anxiety even more intense. I just wanted to send you lots of hugs and know you are not alone.

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

I too suffer from anxiety. there have been times during this pregnancy where I am worried sick about my baby, I kept telling myself I just had to get to week 12, then it was week 16, then week 20, and so on even now at 31 weeks, I still get nervous about him coming too early etc. I agree with some of the PPs, walking has helped me and also, the support of DH. I also try to tell myself that everything will be ok and I am doing the right things to make sure my baby is healthy. My anxiety has recently switched to anxiety about L&D, I try to put these things out of my mind and just now that everything will work out

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

I am going to recommend getting a fetal doppler. Since you are only 12wks, it might be a few wks before you can really use it, but it is so worth it in my opinion. You can hear the baby's HB anytime you want and for me, it really helps to ease my fears!

Hang in there! Everything is going to be fine!

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

you need to medically control your anxiety. even though zanax is not recommended, talk to your dr about lexapro, zoloft. I am on lex since beg of this pregnancy, i have horrible panic attack disorder. i made a choice to stay on lex, but came down in dose to 10 mg. i managed not to have a single panic attack so far . panic is horrible, esp during pregnancy. also, clonopin i think is acceptable once in a while. talk to a dr. gl!

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

Posted by curiousO

you need to medically control your anxiety. even though zanax is not recommended, talk to your dr about lexapro, zoloft. I am on lex since beg of this pregnancy, i have horrible panic attack disorder. i made a choice to stay on lex, but came down in dose to 10 mg. i managed not to have a single panic attack so far . panic is horrible, esp during pregnancy. also, clonopin i think is acceptable once in a while. talk to a dr. gl!

Re: my anxiety is getting worse...losing it.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this..

If it make syou feel any better-- I take baby aspirin for blood thinning purposes, and I also have a couple of other weird blood disorders, so I take Folgard as well. I am 36, with my second pregnancy. I did a CVS, all was fine.

I think you are at the point where these scary tests start-- by the time you get your AFP (16 weeks), most of the tests will be over-- unless you opt for an amnio, but based on the nucal and AFP, you may opt not to do it.

I am almost 25 weeks now-- and I think after the level 2, I relaxed-- no more tests, age wouldn't play a part in anything- my high risk issues, I had with my last pregnancy and it all worked out fine.

Try to relax and get through the next month-- when all the tests and decisions are presented. After that-- you will know all you need to, start to feel the baby move, and you can enjoy a bit more.