Feeling Sad- Long vent

So I know that DH is happy and excited that we are having a baby, but I cant help but wish he were more involved in the process.

He started a new job and has a bunch of work related stuff going on which stresses him out and he is NOT good with stress. I feel like he is cranky all of the time, and short tempered. I cant even talk to him about stuff- baby stuff or anything else.

Normally I probably wouldnt mind so much buT i feel like this is such a special time we should do things together, and do them with love and excitement. But even when it comes to baby things, even buying furniture, he just considers it anothr thing to do on his list.. i.e. when can we go and get it over with? just pick whatever. Cant you go by yourself? etc.

I havent even bothered to take him with me to register, I didi t all myself with the help of my sister in law and mom. He had zero input on anything I registered for.

He doesnt think any classes are necessary, although he did agree to go to them if I chose to. He hasnt been involved in picking a pediatrician, He came to 2 out of 3 of my sonograms but no other doctors appointments. Basically he has shown little interest in being involved in anything bc he is too stressed or busy.

Some times he's loving and understanding when it comes to my being tired etc. but most of the time he could care less and just gets annoyed that we no longer have any a routine to have dinner etc. i.e. that I dont cook hardly ever when i get home from work at 7pm (although he gets home the same time or before me, he doesnt offer to cook, or pick up food, he just complains).


I have discussed/cried to him about this several times in the last couple of months when it has become too much for me to just ignore, and he always apologizes and says he knows he should be more supportive and involved, but two days later its the same sh*t all over again.

It makes me really really sad. Im tired of caring , I think I am just going to go about what I want to do and not care if he gets involved anymore, or try to get him involved. I feel like I shouldnt have to, and I rather enjoy doing thinsg on my own or with friends and family that want o get involved rather than have it become an argument with him everytime. Is that terribly immature?

Thanks for letting me vent.

Message edited 9/1/2011 2:47:22 PM.

Re: Feeling Sad- Long vent

sounds like a lot of New things on the horizon.. and men r hard at multitasking. Pregnancy makes us extremely emotional bc of all the extra hormones. As long as you express to him how you feel and keep trying to get him involved I believe it will all work out.


Hugs. Hope all finds a happy median for both of you.

Re: Feeling Sad- Long vent

Sorry you are going through this. Sometimes it takes longer to sink in for men. They might not fully bond until the baby gets here. While we feel the baby growing, they don't. Hopefully he will come around before your LO gets here. It's good you talk to him as bottling up your feelings can only lead to an explosion or more hurt later.

Is it possible your DH is feeling emotions he doesn't know how to deal with and doesn't want to talk about? Maybe a close friend or family member could get him to open up? Maybe he is nervous about being a daddy, the expense of a baby, etc? He could be stressing over that and taking it out in other ways. Men are difficult sometimes!

I hope it gets better for you.

Re: Feeling Sad- Long vent

Re: Feeling Sad- Long vent

Your DH seems a little more involved than some other DH's I know. My DH was excited about all our pregnancies but he didn't go to every sonogram/doc appointment and he didn't come with me to register -- I assumed that some guys just aren't interested in that....??

Re: Feeling Sad- Long vent

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

Unfortunately, many men don't feel the reality of a new baby as much as we do. We have this little person growing inside us and feel everything from day 1 pratically.

While my DH loves our DS#1 and I'm sure he'll love DS#2 some of it felt like tasks for him. Honestly, I think for DH DS#1 didn't become a reality until he held him the first time after he was delivered. They also experience pregnancy in such a different way as men. I'm not saying he shouldn't be involved. I'm saying it's a whole different perspective.

As long as you still feel youcan communicate with him about it and he's listening you're OK

Re: Feeling Sad- Long vent

Re: Feeling Sad- Long vent

Although DH would tell me he was excited he didn't do too much either.

He went to the sonograms but no other doctor appointments and I didn't expect him to because, quite frankly, they were a little boring to me.

I registered with my sister-in-law and picked out the furniture by myself.

As for classes, I took infant CPR and that's it. That's all my dr recommended since the nurses will teach you everything at the hosital. My dr didn't believe the classes were worth the $ other than infant CPR.

DH has a manual labor job and when I would say I was tired, he would respond "so am I and I don't get to sit at a desk all day."

With #2 he's been a little more helpful but that's b/c of DS. If I'm too tired, he steps in to help and he's not traveling as much as he did with the first pregnancy.

I had one discussion w/ DH when I was pregnant the first time and he brought up a few important things. 1) he's not pregnant and his body isn't changing. He had no constant reminder a baby was coming. 2) If he did think about it he worried about all the changes that were to come.

Re: Feeling Sad- Long vent

Thanks ladies. Sounds like maybe I am being a bit over sensitive or my expectations are too high. I still wish he would willingly be more involved. I think I am just giong to not let it get to me and enjoy doing the baby things I want with others. But I do draw the line at him complaining about there being no dinner!!! Thats when I tell him to shove it

Re: Feeling Sad- Long vent

Not sure if you've seen Juno but there is this great line which is SO true. It's something along the lines of A woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant. A man becomes a father when he sees his baby for the first time. I found this to be SO true. I know it doesn't really help with what is going on now but at least know that it will most likely not be the case once your little one is here.