what would you do?

DH and I have been living with my mother for a couple of years in order to pay off debt and save for a house. We are at the point where we just started looking. My mother is becoming extremely difficult to live with....making obnoxious comments about the homes we are looking at...she is very narrow minded....she is only excepting of us living in the town we are currently in and it is a very expensive community out of our price range. She has made some pretty unforgivable comments to DH...and today they had a pretty big argument.
Im very tempted to go rent a house...because I don't think its a good idea for us to stay here for the next how ever many months it takes for us to find a house and eventually close on one. It just kills me to waste money on rent when we should be buying something. But, I feel like if we stay here we are putting even more of a strain on our relationship.
What should I do? Should I rent and remove my mom from the situation? Maybe if she isn't living with us she will not feel like she has as much of a right to a comment.
Or should we tough it out....and hope for the best?
Any Advice???

Re: what would you do?

My first reaction was "your Mom is sad you are leaving" but I'm not sure.

I think it's worth the sanity to spend the money and rent an apartment temporarily. you might find a house in a month or it could take 2 years.

Good luck to you.

Re: what would you do?

I thought the same thing....about her being sad...and I tried to bring that up to her...but it didn't go over well. My sister said I was giving her too much credit and that she is just overly opinionated and pushy and that by living here we have allowed her to be too involved. I appreciate the opportunity she has given us....but its getting to be too much.

Re: what would you do?

I agree...you have to know when its been enough.
If it's effecting your relationship with your husband or if he's uncomfortable coming home to your Mom's b/c it's awkward, then it's soooo worth the money to have your own space.

Re: what would you do?

I think you should you tough it out...but with a caveat.

In a polite way, call her on her BS. She says "The house you looked at is ugly and only vagrants live in that town."

You say "It may be so mom, but its what we can afford. And I love you, but I dont appreciate the way you speak to me and DH." Or, with every bit of respect, tell her "mom, I respect you and I dont want to hurt your feelings. But when you say things like that to me its hurtful and does not help. Can you please not speak to me and DH that way?"

Either that or you and DH take the high road. The 2 of you know, in your hearts what your relationship is. Let her spew what she needs and just dont respond.

Save the money.

Re: what would you do?

How close of a relationship you have with your mom? I'd sit down and speak to her sincerely about how her comments can create friction between the family. If it continues, I'd get the apartment. You will be spending some of the $$ but the relationship between you and your mother will not be destroyed and especially between her and your DH.
If you do decide to stay while you found a home, maybe try not to give her too much information when she asks. Just answer in general like we've found nothing that we love etc....that way you can avoid her comments.

Re: what would you do?

It sounds to me that she doesn't want you to leave and thinks talking like that will make you stay.

My FIL is similar. He is a nice man, will help us but wanted us to live by him and MIL. We thought about it and were going to do it. Then we realized that DH's commute wouldn't be cut short by that much even moving to Queens from LI. So we moved to NJ where DH works. I think for the first year all he did was complain about how far it is. Then he complain why we bought house . BUT, we know this is him and we just ignore it or I talk back to him.

If your mom is making remarks about where you are looking, then the next she does it again, ask for some money to pool with yours for a downpayment in that area. I would probably go this route, but in a nice way


Another option, is maybe take her on some open house in her area and let her see what houses are going for. Even one's that maybe a "good deal" still need work and how are you suppose to come up with that. Then, take her on some open houses in the area's you are looking at so she can see for herself. That you can afford something nice and that you guys like and still have money available to do work if need be. She just may want to feel included.

Re: what would you do?

i'd go FULL FORCE into looking for the next week, then decide.

sometimes you find something right out of the gate. if that's the case, you just have to stick it out until closing.

we did the same thing with my folks and it was getting really really hairy at the end there.

not fun.

Re: what would you do?

I would say stick it out! We lived with my family so we could save. I know how hard it can be at times but it will be worth it in the end.