need some advice...

I know I don't normally post on here often, but I do read many of your posts....

I have been recently married and my dh works in CT. It has been really tough on our marriage being that we live on LI. The commute is tough... we don't have much time during the week and the weekends always seem to be consumed with something...I just need to vent and need some support. I feel like becuase of my time being mostly devoted to dh I have really been out of the loop with my close girlfriends and many of them have been going through their own tough times and I truly feel alone going through this.

DH and I are trying to decide what to do. Right now we live in a TINY apartment which is just becoming unbearable for us. There is just no space for our things and is unfomfortable. I feel like I am getting older now and I would like to start having a family within the next couple of years. We have our family here, but moving to CT is something we would do in the future. We are trying to mmove out of our appmnt now, but I am a teacher, we have until June to decide which direction to go in. I wouldn't mind leaving, but we are going to lose our security deposit if we move into a nbew [pplace since we are month by month right now.... I think I just feel overhwhelmed at the thought of starting all over, but this commute is just bad...dh is willing to do it for another year until we figure things out, but I just feel bad for him...sorry for venting.. thanks for listening.. any advice would be so appreciated!!

edited for spelling

Message edited 2/21/2006 8:15:43 AM.

Re: need some advice...

Hey Jen,

I know how you are feeling!! Sometimes it is rough. But it will get better. Try to make time with everyone when DH isn't home. I hope everything works out for you. FM if you need to talk. Plus Mel wants to get together one of these days. We finally heard from Melinda!!!

Dee

Re: need some advice...

I agree with Dee...find time to spend with your friends while DH is away. As far as the living space...look around while you are there. If you are thinking about moving to CT, spend a weekend up there with DH instead of him coming down. Or look around here while your DH is working. If you find something you love, show it to him when he is home.
My DH is a bartender, so we literally have two nites together a week(not even that in the summer)...we have learned to make the most of the time we do have and when we decided to leave our apartment, I did most of the looking and would show him online anything I really liked or I would take pics and show him them. This way we weren't spending our off time running around.
Good luck, it's stressful but you guys will be okay.

Re: need some advice...

why not devote one night per week for girls night? either get together for dinner or spend the night catching up on the phone.

in re: to the apartment. why would you lose your security deposit if it is a month to month lease? june is not that long from now and i would think you need that time to find a new place and pack. don't think of it as starting over, think of it is a new opportunity.

spending a weekend in CT is a great idea. plan a romantic dinner and see a play or go to a museum.

you should also plan a vacation over easter break. it seems as if you both need the time to relax and unwind.

Re: need some advice...

The girls night out idea sounds like a great idea. It would give you a chance to catch up with your friends and also to let them catch up with your life.

Would you be willing to wait until June and then look for something in CT? Can you start looking in CT now for jobs for Sept or is it too soon?

Re: need some advice...

I know exactly what you are going through. It is the opposite in my situation. I took a job that is really far away from our house now. So far that Mon-Thurs night I sleep at my mothers house and I only come home for Fri, Sat & Sun nights. My BF works on the weekends, so we only have a couple of hours together on the nights I'm home. It's been really tough for us as well. I found myself getting really clingy and demanding about the time we had together. I agree with the ladies who said to make it a point to get together with your girls one night a week. I'm trying to do that now with the new girls I met at my new job. It's takes such a load off of your mind.

Also, if you are thinking about moving to CT eventually anyway, why not start looking now and plan for a move over the summer? It will give both of you something to look forward to. FM me if you need to talk or need some support.

Re: need some advice...

Re: need some advice...

not sure if you work in a public or private school but if it is public and you are certifiied by NY state, you should look into the reciprocity agreement for CT.

Re: need some advice...

I know FeliciaDPs husband has a similar commute.... from Westchester to Long Island to work every day. From what I hear from him... its a long trip (about 50+ miles each way).

You might want to ask her how she handles it.

Re: need some advice...

Thanks so much for all of your advice!! I truly appreciate your support... DH and I are talking and I am feeling a lot better about our decisions.....

Thanks again for your support and advice!!