Vent. What would YOU do?

ill try to make this short...
this is probably more of a "relationship" issue... but maybe not...


ok me and my BF were supposed to go away a bit ago but canceled our trip nad got a credit for the plane tix....

we decided we would go visit his dad in San Diego in feb/march.

we then found out i was pregnant......

his dad congratualted him and his stepmom wrote him a letter saying he sounds happy and he should marry me....

we then planned to go in March so we can settle into our new place first....


WELL.... he spoke to her yesterday and she completely changed her tude. she said he should be a "hollywood man" and just be by himself! she said he shouldnt move in with me, but should pay child support instead! W.T.F?!?!?!

she called him again today and said he should go visit by himself and his daughter and "not make a party out of it".

WHAT is this woman thinking? has she no respect? what WOMAN tells a man he should basically give up on his pregnant GF and child?!?!?!?

im soooooooooo upset i dont even know what to do!

he said she is crazy and takes alot of pills and so on but i dont care, its NOT right.

what would you do? how would you react?
i got so mad at him for even CONSIDERING going without me i hung up the phone because i was losing my cool.

i mean, who does she think she is?

he said he doesnt want to "overwhelm" her cuz shes bonkers.....

i just dont know.

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

There's really not much you can do...if he decides to go without you, there's nothing you can do to change it. Whatever his reasons are.
You don't know these people and maybe it is overwhelming to her.

Think about it from this standpoint - they have never met you, as far as they know you've only been together for a short while and now he tells them you are PG - it can be a little overwhelming for parents.

If things changed once, they may change again. Right now, I wouldn't worry about it too much. There isn't much you can do to change the final result anyway.

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

I agree with Gerty. Let him work it out. You have every right to be upset about her change in attitude, and how she is now acting toward you, but since he knows her better, it is for him to deal with right now.

As for the MIL/grandmother thing...I can assure you this is not the end of it. Not to scare or freak you, but your whole PG & even once you have the little bean you will get an onslaught of opinions and unsolicited "advice" from people that you could probably give 2 shytes about.

Hang in there....at least they are on the other coast!

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

In-laws are a sticky situation and sometimes no matter how much we try to understand, we can't.

I think you're struggling with someone (MIL) saying something you can not even imagine ever saying. I agree with you. She is wrong for even suggesting that he be a "hollywood man" and a child support father. I can't even put those terms in my head long enough to support them.

As far as him traveling alone to visit her, perhaps you are better off and maybe he has no idea what to do.

I completely understand your anger and frustration and girl, I agree with you. I just don't know what I could or would do if I were you.

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

i know. im not even THAT mad at him, i know he is in a spot, he is being pulled in two different directions, but im mad that he doesnt stand up to her.

there is, in my opinion, no reason why i shouldnt go out.... wouldnt you WANT to meet the person who was carrying you grandchild?!?!?!

whether shes crazy or not, i dont care, she has already started this relationship off on a bad foot.

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

crashing... but I think I might be able to offer you a different perspective..

I had my son out of wedlock and his birth father's mother barely knew me...

She met me for the first time when DS was about 2 weeks old and INTERROGATED ME... She wasn't holding back any punches because the facts were... we were irresponsible and young.. Neither of us were ready for a child, we were barely in a relationship (for all SHE knew, she just met me...)

She demanded a paternity test and we got off to a rocky start.

She is now VERY close to both me, my son and my entire family... she even attended my wedding. Interestingly enough, I haven't talked to her son in over 6 years.. He is not part of mine or my son's life... but SHE IS...

She apologized to me a few months after we first met for being so hard on me but she was just worried about her son and the choices he made.. as well as a little shocked at what was going on...

I know it's hard but you just have to *try* to be objective & understand where she is coming from... With the same respect, SHE should try and respect you as well, that you are doing what is best for you & your BF.

Give it some time.

I agree with the PP, your BF should not have told you all of this...

Message edited 1/26/2009 2:44:18 PM.

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

I don't know your relationship situation. I'm just playing devil's advocate but I can see parents getting upset at a son for getting a girl pregnant if it was unplanned. It doesn't mean they won't come around. I don't think it has anything to do with your BF. It's how his parents feel. You should let their family sort it out. This is really big news! I think times have really changed and pregnancy doesn't necessarily equate to marriage the way it did in the past.

I am sorry you are going through this. Pregnancy is hard enough without any family drama.

Message edited 1/26/2009 2:57:12 PM.

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

I've been in a similar situation. We were very young & not yet married when I got pregnant with our DD. DH's parents didn't take the news so well. They first told him to "make me" have an abortion. Then they told him to dump me & just pay for his mistake, but not see me or the baby. Above all, they requested that he never marry me. When he chose not to dump me, I wasn't allowed in or near their home & they wanted to know nothing about him seeing me or how my pregnancy was going. I won't lie, I HATED them for a few months. Especially since DH was so young, he needed to hear his parents advising him to do the right thing & becuase they weren't, he had a hard time stepping up properly at first. He didn't treat me so well & he was totally detatched about the pregnancy. It was a mess.

Honestly, from experience, there probably isn't much you can do. I talked to DH about how I felt & how he was acting. It took a few months, but I think by early second trimester his parents started to come around on their own & they they stopped saying such horrible, irresponsible things to DH. By the time DD arrrived, everyone was so in love with her & all was well. Talk to your BF about it & see if there is a way to make everyone happy without causing too much unnecessary tension. I am so sorry his stepmom is acting this way. It's ridiculous!

Re: Vent. What would YOU do?

Honestly - the answer is not what YOU should do about this, but what your boyfriend should do....