Dr S gave me the go

I went for my consult regarding recrrent preg loss blood panel and next step regarding ttc with dr stelling last night. 4 out of the 5 tests came back for the clotting factor - those came back fine. still waiting on the other one which should be here by tomorrow or monday. The genetics came back fine as well. I was almost hoping SOMEThiNG was wrong to give me an answer as to WHY this happened twice in a row- but like dr stelling pointed out - im lucky not to have anything,
I asked to have my clomid dosage increased - so now im on 150mg possibly starting today (cd3) - just waiting onmy blood results from yesterday.
I have to be honest - i was waiting for this day to start ttc again and was so excited when he gave me the go but i am SOOOOO scared. I dont think i would ever be relaxed and enjoying my pregnancy if i do get pregnant again - but i also know this is what my heart desires. Dh was a little wary of us starting again he said how bout next month then thought it over and said whats the difference of this month to next month lets go for it.
I know i asked dr s and of course i cannot remmeber what he said cuz i was so nervous but do you think an increase of clomid will hopefully give me more than 1 follie? i only had 1 follie with 50mg and 1 follie with 100mg. Is my max 1 follie? (got pregnant on both but then the 50 mg stopped working so moved onto 100mg and got pregnant again)
I wish someone will make the decision for me to start or not to start - i want to start more than anything in the world - but what happens if things dont turn out ok again ? i know we are all going thru this what if and being afraid - how do u handle it?

Re: Dr S gave me the go

Posted by WNA01
...i want to start more than anything in the world - but what happens if things dont turn out ok again?

You just answered your own question. You want a baby. Doing nothing, unfortunately will get you just that= nothing.

Is it scary?- ABSOLUTELY!!! After what I went thru in Aug/Sept I was SO upset that they made me wait 3 months. When they gave me the ok- I got chills down my spine. I'll never forget when they called to tell me I was ready for my FET and what day it would be on- the fear that went through my body paralyzed me for a minute and I got cold and numb. I was getting back on the horse and even though I had bloods drawn and nothing came back out of the ordinary (No clotting issues) I was still scared. The day they told me the cycle failed I was of course upset, but I turned to DH later on in the day and told him that my silver lining in that was that at least it was 'just' a negative- and I wasn't going to go through all of that again...
You have to tell yourself that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The fact that you got most of your tests back and they're all clear is great!!! We're here for you!

Re: Dr S gave me the go

It is sooo scary.. Your decision really is already made, you want a baby so you will move foward. I have the exact same feelings as you do and they will probaly never go away- this is just our sucky reality. I really don't have a choice but to handle it or not, i just say to myself, my day will come it will happen. for me, i can not wait to heal emotionally ( it will never happen). I just need to be physically ready, which you are now. I hear lots and lots of postive stories about people having postive outcomes after having multiple m/c. Don't worry it will happen this time!



sorry if i ramble on, my writing skills stink.....