Kind of a spinoff on overexcited granparents.. Underexcited grandparents???

Sometimes I am really hurt by DH'S parents reaction to the baby, in fact I feel they rarely have a reaction at all.

Let me preface this to say that by no means do I have the perfect family myself. But they will do anything for me, DH and my son. Especially since we found out the news on our babies heart defect the love they have shown is amazing. In fact, I will be probably living with my dad for a few months while the baby recuperates after his surgery. My dad is already fixing up our room (which was formally his), he already told me he will be more than happy to get up in the middle of the night for us , always offers to help with our nursery..... If I told my dad he needed to rip his own heart out and give it to his future grandchild he would.


DH's parents are a different story altogether. They barely acknowledge I am even pregnant let alone talk about how we are dealing with our rough pregnancy. In the almost two months that went by before we saw his mom after finding out our devastating news she did not pick up the phone. NOT ONCE. I mean would it kill them to say they love us and the baby and are there for whatever we may need? How they plan on being there for us after the baby is born? It would bother me enough under normal circumstances, but in light of our babies health issues it kiils me. I have spoken to DH about it and he gets all defensive and excuses them by saying that they do care they are just very "hands off" and don't want us to think they are "bothering us."

I just need help dealing with this as I have a feeling that this will turn into a way uncomfortable situation for all. I am growing angrier by the day. Can anyone relate? I am aware they are standoffish by nature but in my opinion there are times when you have to step up.

Message edited 8/14/2008 12:36:13 PM.

Re: Kind of a spinoff on overexcited granparents.. Underexcited grandparents???

I am in a similiar situation but you need more hugs! DH's mom is the one being more overexcited! And Im shocked b/c this is a woman who in the 8 years I have known DH, only met her a handful of times until recently when she wants to do everything with us! (This isn't her first grandchild either).
My mom on the other hand, which this is her first grandchild for, is not that excited really. She said she doesn't "feel old enough to be a grandma" (I am going to be 30 and this is her first. She is 53 years old!) The day I found out I got pg was the day after she got up from sitting shivah for my grandma. I know in the back of her mind she doesn't have any parents or siblings to share this happiness with (I do have an uncle and aunt but they are both jerks). She says little things but I don't feel that she is overly into the pg. I am hoping that when he is born, this will change!

Re: Kind of a spinoff on overexcited granparents.. Underexcited grandparents???

I know how you feel. My family is BEYOND excited about the baby!!! Nobody can wait for he/she to be born. They are all excited to become grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, great-aunts and uncles, etc. They are just anxiously awaiting the birth and have been so excited throughout these 34 weeks. Then there's the in-laws.................

................I'm with you, sometimes I think they don't even realize I'm pregnant at all!! They show ZERO excitement!! They NEVER call us, in fact, if my DH didn't just break down and call every few weeks I truly believe we would never hear from them. When we talk about the baby they seem disinterested. His sisters live in MD and when I send the sono pics and updates via email I hear NOTHING back. Not even a "Cool" or "Glad to hear everything is good". I complain to DH all the time but he says that's just how they are. I think it's rude quite honestly so I know where you're coming from. I'm just thankful for my family and the fact that they are excited. My in-laws.........just so annoying!!

Re: Kind of a spinoff on overexcited granparents.. Underexcited grandparents???

I just wanted to send you some
i am sorry you are going through this.

Sometimes people just dont know the right thing to say or what to say, so they dont say anything at all!

Re: Kind of a spinoff on overexcited granparents.. Underexcited grandparents???

Our baby will be the first grandchild on both sides. My family is overly involved and excited. DH's family is very different from mine and I really have no expectations from them. FIL will ask how I am when we see him, but he doesn't call or e-mail to ask about the baby. I think he's excited, but at the same time, he has a 3 year old with his second wife. I don't think he has the same urge to be a grandparent as my parents since he has recently gone through the baby/toddler stage.

I haven't heard from MIL since we told her I was pregnant. I guess DH spoke to her recently and she sent her love. She's dealing with her own stuff right now. Although I'm a bit surprised we haven't heard from her, it doesn't bother me.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Re: Kind of a spinoff on overexcited granparents.. Underexcited grandparents???

awwww, sorry about your in laws. Being the person I am, I ABSOLUTELY, CAN NOT keep anything in. If I were you I would call the MIL and tell her (in a nice way) how you feel. I don't think my in laws are very excited either. It's going to be their 4th grandchild. My mom isvery excited because its her first, my step mother is very excited as well (she doesn't have children of her own) and in a way this is going to be her 1st grandchild as well. I don't know about my dad though. He is very closed off and sometimes comes off like and ahole. I really don't know how he feels about this. Hang in there!
XOXOXO
BOTB

Re: Kind of a spinoff on overexcited granparents.. Underexcited grandparents???

Sorry to hear others experiences but glad to know I am not alone.

I guess it stings a little more because I lost my own mom almost 10 years ago and I know how excited and thrilled she would have been as a grandparent. I also lost all of my grandparents very young; it always hurt as a kid see other kids with grandma and grandpa. I wanted a different scenario for my own children.

Re: Kind of a spinoff on overexcited granparents.. Underexcited grandparents???

My parents are no longer with us (or my mom would be crazy excited for sure) but my DH still has his mom, who errrr...how can I say this, is a very good hearted person but ODD !...Long story short, she has 7 children and didnt have a good marriage to my FIL and had them at a very early age (all but one of them only 1 year apart )...Anyway, when we told her we trying to get pregnant again (after a very long battle w/ IF) her response was "Why would you want to do that ????" And for the most part, isnt the grandmotherly type I would like for my children , but we make the most of it- My DH says she just doesnt think before she talks, but its very hurtful to me, not having my own parents to be excited for me, that she can't be there for my kids the way I would like...Like I said, she is a good person over all but I think she has resentment issues towards children because she didnt have a good young adult life....Many to you- you're definately not alone !!!

Re: Kind of a spinoff on overexcited granparents.. Underexcited grandparents???

I would feel the same exact way as you, your husband will most likely have a hard time sympathizing because he grew up with his parents being one way when you have parents that are completely opposite and he will just defend his parents....The only thing you can do is let it be and give the attention to those that show you the love and attention you deserve. If your inlaws want to be in the background, keep them there, it's unfortunate but it's their decision and their loss for not being more involved and more attentive to you during this time.