I need a little advice

Heres the deal:

I called my Mom yesterday afternoon from work to tell her I couldn't come over because I didn't feel well (lunch was bad). Anywhoo, she said that she had something to tell me but didn't want to do it over the phone cause I would get upset. I finally got her to tell me and of course I got upset. She told me that she had to have the dog put to sleep last Thursday. I knew it was coming she was 14 and getting sicker and slower, and apparently she had a stroke sometime Wed. night because she couldn't get her hind legs up on Thursday morning, Mom took her to the vet and they gave her the options and she decided it would be cruel to keep her alive like this so they put her down.
I got off the phone with her and called DH, sho played the role of "it's gonna be ok shes out of pain, etc." Needless to say he then called his mother and proceeded to tell them they had to come to my job because I was hysterical over the dog. They came and told me that he was very mad at my mom for the ways things happened. He believes that she should have brought the dog home and called me to come over and say goodbye. Keep in mind I was at work till 6 wouldn't have gotten there till almost 7 and what good would it have done because then my mom and dog would have to suffer through the night till she could bring her back the next morning? I would never have been able to do that to them.

Anywhoo, My MIL is a little nutty(think Everybody Loves Raymond but on crack) and she has a bad habit of overexaggerating (sp?) things.

That all being said, now heres where I need advice: It royally s$@ks about the dog and even though I no longer live at home, I will miss her dearly, however, do I have a right to get a little annoyed at DH for getting parents involved and telling them he was mad at my mom instead of calling her directly or telling me?

I know my problem is trivial compared to some but I am very upset with DH and can't decide if it is warranted or not.

TIA

Re: I need a little advice

I would be annoyed with my DH if he did that. I think you're completely justified in being upset.

Re: I need a little advice

Should you be mad and have a fight over it? no.. But your feelings to me are valid.. Let him know how you didn't appreciate him getting them involved and then tell your MIL that this is how your mom chose to handle it and you are so thankful she did it this way. Then let it go. jmo

So so sorry about your doggie.

Re: I need a little advice

Honestly, I wouldn't be upset. It sounds like he was venting to his mom. Just like you coming on here and venting to us. I understand that she can be a bit much, but she's the only mom he's got so I wouldn't be annoyed if he shared his feelings with her, ykwim. Now if he was telling his co-workers all of your business, people who are total strangers to you, then that would be different.

I'm sorry about your dog, but your mom did the right thing. And you're right too, it wouldn't have been fair to her for your mom to bring her home soley for you to have said good-bye.

Message edited 5/21/2008 4:20:08 PM.

Re: I need a little advice

telling her is one thing..but her telling you or your mom that your mom didn't do it right is awful..it's an awful time either way..she didn't need to voice her opinion..

she should have just said how sorry she was and to give you comfort. Now this just caused more pain.

Re: I need a little advice

I am totally ok and understanding about my dog that isn't the problem. it still stinks but I understand.
The problem is it wasn't just venting, if it was it wouldn't bother me. It was the fact that he told them to come see me, which bothers me. It wasn't done on their own accord-I know this only because of how she is. Again if it was it wouldn't have bothered me.
I just wish that sometime he wouldn't tell her every little detail of our lives, she keeps it filed and on hand to use as fuel when things don't go her way.

Message edited 5/21/2008 4:29:56 PM.

Re: I need a little advice

Posted by dilb712

Should you be mad and have a fight over it? no.. But your feelings to me are valid.. Let him know how you didn't appreciate him getting them involved and then tell your MIL that this is how your mom chose to handle it and you are so thankful she did it this way. Then let it go. jmo

So so sorry about your doggie.

Re: I need a little advice

I would be annoyed. The last thing you need is his Mom up in your family business. Your Mom made a decision during a crisis moment. While I don't agree with it (and would be royally ****** at my own Mom for doing it), I would understand. I'm sure she was under duress during the situation.

In hindsight, I would have preferred if she had given you the opportunity to say goodbye and then you could have driven the dog to an emergency vet to take care of the details But that's neither here nor there. What's done is done.

MIL should not be involved, period. Now she's going to have the feeling of having one up on your Mom over a very personal family incident. Not her dog, not her family, not her business.

So sorry about your pet

Message edited 5/21/2008 4:56:38 PM.

Re: I need a little advice

First, I'm sorry about your loss.

Something similar happened to me. My MIL put my DHs dog to sleep without telling him. The dog lived with her because we can't have dogs. She had a total of 5 dogs at the time, and apaprently his dog and another got into a fight and she couldn't break them up. So she called the town and had them get the 2 dogs and put them to sleep(very cruel IMO). She later called DH to tell him. He was devastated and still is. I would NEVER get my Dad involved in that situation, nor would I say anything to my MIL. It's DHs place to, just like it's your place to say somthing to your mother. Unfortunately, in these situations there's nothing that can be done so you just have to kind of live with it. It stinks.

Re: I need a little advice

IMHO, your dh acted like a big baby, but I wouldn't sweat it