So Sad ...

I am just so sad about this working thing. I've been back at work for just over 2 weeks now and I am really miserable about it. I feel like I have so little time to spend with Emily. Even when I am home, I am emotionally and physically exhaused. A lot of the times I go to sleep by 10 because I teach in brooklyn and have to get up early for the commute, and so my husband takes over and stays up with her until she goes to bed. To make matters worse my class is so challenging this year. I've been teaching for 5 years and really see myself as a good teacher and just feel like I can't get through to a lot of my students. My coteacher drives me up the wall to boot, and I just feel like I leave my little girl every day to do something that I am not enjoying one single bit.

I am just missing her so much. I want to spend so much more time with her. It makes me so sad that I only get to interact with her for a few hours a day.

How did all of you working moms do it? I just feel like I am so miserable going to work every day -- I just want to be with her. We can't afford for me to quick my job but I just wish we had other options.

-Melissa

Message edited 12/16/2005 11:14:36 PM.

Re: So Sad ...

Hey Melissa,

I am basically in the same position. I LOVE teaching but I am so miserable this year because I can't do both to the 1000% I am used to. They changed our class make up. They set up an inclusion model for all subjects except for mine but yet I still have the same students they do. It's so challenging. I feel awful that I can't do it all. I am so drained when I get home. I want to be there for my daughter 1000% too but I am EXHAUSTED! My DH works nights and is not home with me. It's so challenging. I want to quit so badly. I just feel like I am doing a disservice to my students and most importantly my daughter but unfortunately I make more than my husband so I must work. I wish I had an answer for you. But please know that you are not alone and that I feel just like you do.

Re: So Sad ...

I don't know how you feel yet but I do know that the thought of going back 2 days a week is making me ill so I know it must be 10 times worse for you.
I don't know anything to say to make it better but you are a great mom and you are doing what is best for your daughter so that you can provide for her and for that she will not suffer. She is lucky to have a great mom and dad that work well together taking care of her.

Re: So Sad ...

I've been doing this for awhile, so I can say this - it does get easier.

Melissa - you just got back to work. It's been two weeks. I think your expectations to get through to your kids in such a short time, while very admirable, is unrealistic. I think being a mom will make you a better teacher. Josephs' new pre-school teacher told me the other day that she has a dog as "her child", so she understands how we feel. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd be taking her dog to the pound in about 2 minutes if it harmed her baby. You'll understand parenting on a level that teachers without kids never truly get.

You'll still be tired physically & mentally for awhile, but once you get in sync you'll feel better. I won't lie -things will never be the same again. You will forever leave your heart with your child - as it should be.

Re: So Sad ...

Melissa...I dont know how you feel...yet... but in less than 3 weeks I will... Im not even thinking about it, because just the thought brings tears to my eyes.... (and Im just going back pt)

Are there any other options involving you staying home??? I taught pre-k before I started doing the finances at my job....and as soon as I found out I was preg. I flat out told my husband... I WAS NOT WORKING TO BE WITH OTHER PEOPLES KIDS...INSTEAD OF BEING WITH MY OWN...

Luckily for me I got this promotion and was not put in that position!!!

Lots of

Re: So Sad ...

I'm sorry you are feeling so sad!

Have you thought about doing some tutoring instead of teaching full time. Maybe you can get just enough tutoring work that you'd be able to spend more time at home and still make ends meet?

Re: So Sad ...

Is it possible to start looking for a job on LI for the next school year? Maybe then your commute will be shorter and it would give you more time with Emily.

Re: So Sad ...

The main thing is that my income is the higher income, plus I have the good health insurance. My husband would have to have over $500 taken out of his paycheck per month to cover all three of us, where for me it's $17/month for better coverage with less copays. I have dental, optical, and his doesn't.

As far as the moving out to LI, I would LOVE to -- but I actually just got accepted into a program for NYC teachers to recieve my certification in ESL (english as a second language) special education. I am already general ed and special ed certified but need my masters to get my perminant certification so they are going to pay half of my tuition for this program to fill the vacancies that they have in that area in the city.

So unfortunately we don't have the money for me to get my masters on my own, but we need it for long term because I'll need to work -- and I need this program to get my masters, so I'm pretty much stuck.

I know I have high expectations of my students. That is how I am. It's just really really frustrating to me because it's already nearly January, I don't feel like we should still have kids crawling all over the floor and beating eachother up on a daily basis. On friday a kid stabbed himself in the hand with a pencil and got a HUGE gash of skin out. My kids have major issues. I know that they need me to support them and to teach them, but I also know that it is really really hard, and they might not ever get to the point I want them to be at, I just have a really hard class this year and it will probably be hard till the last day. My coteacher this year is also a disaster I feel. She's a new teacher and to me I just don't think she's cut out for this kind of work, so I feel like I'm in it completely alone. It's just a lot to deal with every day when I have a beautiful baby at home that I want to spend time with.

Re: So Sad ...

I know how you feel.. Your feelings will never change but it does get easier. I thought so many times of quiting when I first went back but we just can't afford for me to do that either. I really feel like working makes me apperciate my little Jenna so much more and I value the time I have with her even if she is throwing a tatrum and not fun to be around . I am even going back to school know to be a Teacher. Just remember everyday you leave your house in the morning you are doing it for your little one to make her happy and to give her everything she needs. It is so hard to give 100% to both of your jobs mommy and teacher but you will get back to that it will just take some time. Lots of hugs..