Legal Guardian (Will question)

DH and I want to write a will soon after the baby is born. Obviously, this will be important to ensure that the baby is provided for in case something should happen to us.

However, we are struggling with legal guardianship issues and are thinking family may not be the best possible scenerio for our children, we have a very close set of friends who are in a stable marriage, have 2 kids so far of their own, who basically share most of our values, who are also interfaith and who may even potentially be able to keep our children and our pets together (no guarantees), money is not an issue for them and they would never leave NY and have a family business here. However, they are friends, not family. We cannot come up with any family members that either are stable enough relationship wise nor financially, nor share our beliefs or would support the way we would "want" our children to be raised. We almost got into it when we discussed grandparent's being first line - but I have issues with both sides... his mother lives in a horrible area with bad schools and doesn't drive, his father is never around and is not someone you'd want to leave your kids with for an hour nonetheless the rest of their childhood, my mother is a chain smoker and I'm still battling issues due to my father's passive agressive behavior although my parent's have a large home and live in a great school district. This in addition to the fact that none of the parent's are in good health. His mother is a heart attack survivor, my mom a stroke survivor and both fathers are diabetic, hypertensive, etc. In my own unprofessional opinion, there are really may be some serious mental health issues in both sets of grandparents so I really think we can cross them off the list.

Would you consider close friends over family if you had to for legal guardianship for your children - if you really feel that it would be in the best interest of your children? I don't even know how I would approach the subject with my friend and her husband. If they were unwilling, I really don't know what we will do.

Anyone else in this bind?

Message edited 3/12/2008 9:21:35 PM.

Re: Legal Guardian (Will question)

I'm not in this bind, but my advice would be why not? The most important thing is to have a stable family for your children should something happen to you and DH. Sometimes family does not cut it.

I would not hesitate to ask friends or respond yes if asked. If fact I would consider it an honor.

But make sure you ask them and let them know you totally understand if they decline.

Re: Legal Guardian (Will question)

My parents had close friends in there will as our guardains

they didn't have an childern of there own, they could take all 3 of us

and my parents felt that they would be able to give us the most attention and raise us in a way they would want

Re: Legal Guardian (Will question)

we have a similar problem. We don't have family member that we would feel comfortable leaving her with. We keep avoiding the issue of a will, event though we know we need to come to a decision!

I think in the end you need to decide based on what is in their best interest. You can always change it down the road, should you decide someone else would be better.

Re: Legal Guardian (Will question)

I would do it in a heartbeat :) Plus do you really have to tell the grandparents (or anyone else for that matter) that they weren't chosen??

I think you write your will the way that would make you most comfortable and should, god forbid, something happen to you, don't worry!! You won't be around to deal with the blacklash of anyone who is upset they didn't get your kid

Re: Legal Guardian (Will question)

I think it comes down to what YOU feel is best for your child.

If I felt that friends would be able to carry out our beliefs in raising children, then I would choose friends. I am blessed to not have to make that choice.

Re: Legal Guardian (Will question)

You need to do what you feel is in the best interest of your child(ren)!! Forget others feelings. If you feel as though friends are the best choice...then that's who you should go with!

Re: Legal Guardian (Will question)

I agree with pp.

It's your decision. If you trust these people and believe they will ultimately do right by your children and raise them how you would want them to be raised then who cares if they aren't family?

Re: Legal Guardian (Will question)

when my sisters and i were little, my parents chose friends over family for guardianship in their will. they decided that shared values and financial stability were more important than blood when it came to their children.

i think as long as your friends are in agreement with this, it's a good decision.

Re: Legal Guardian (Will question)

if that is how you feel, then, yes, I would do it in a heartbeat.

You have to do what is in the best interest of your children, especially if you are saying that neither of your parents are in the best of health, or will raise your children the way you want them raised.