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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Interested in your take-a little long
DH and I had a friend a while back who he used to work for. They got to be close but frankly it was always a lopsided relationship. We would always make accomodations for him. He got engaged to a woman who we really thought was a gold digger. And, she was big time. They had an engagement party, wedding out of state where her family was and we participated in all festivities. With all considered, we must have spent about $3K on the whole thing. They don't work together anymore and DH realized what a user this guy was and hasn't spoken to him in about 2-3 years. Good..I really couldn't stand him either.
They got divorced about 2 years later. She cheated on him. It was really bad. Felt sorry for him, but I hate to say it, I knew it wouldn't last.
Dh today gets an e-vite to an engagement party..he's getting re-married. An e-vite? With registry choices..? Expecting us to come? Bring gifts?..will there be a big bi-coastal wedding again? (oh, the first wedding was in two places..they had two ceremonies and two receptions..she had two wedding dresses, 2 of everything...
Now, I appreciate that his new wife to be should have everything she wants, but for him to expect his friends and family to do this again?
Needless to say, DH and I have chosen not to attend or even acknowledge this. He hasn't spoken to him in about 2-3 years.
I just feel put off. I think it's not right and maybe I'm just mad over nothing but what's your take?
I'm not giving this much more time today since it's not worth it but I was interested in hearing what other peeps think.
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Posted 7/19/07 10:23 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Kara
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Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
My take is that, you haven't spoken to him in 2-3 years, so there's no need for you to be there. I wouldn't worry about it past that.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:26 AM |
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imagin916
LIF Adult
Member since 6/05 1826 total posts
Name:
Valerie
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
I think you are being totally reasonable. Good for you and DH, I would ignore this guy too. I wouldn't attend anything. No e-party, no shower, probably not even the wedding. If he is not really a friend of yours or DH's anyway, who cares what he thinks. This guy cannot expect all these friends of his to shell out all this dough again after what they did the first time. JMO
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:28 AM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
I don't know maybe it's her first marriage. Why should she get nothing because his first wife got it all?
As far as going to the wedding, I wouldn't have responded either. Especially after two years of not hearing from him.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:29 AM |
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mtdr1106
junior supafly
Member since 3/06 2268 total posts
Name:
tricia
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
IMO - i would be inclined to think he is looking for gifts by inviting you after not speaking for years.
Message edited 7/19/2007 10:31:25 AM.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:29 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
I think it's a bit greedy. The evite for the engagement party has a registry list.
And there will be a shower and a wedding.
I agree that she should have what she wants, but this is over the top.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:32 AM |
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beautyq115
New Year!
Member since 5/05 13729 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
I agree with everyone else...he is looking for gifts and probably reaching out to everyone under the sun. Your DH no longer talks to him...you have no obligation to ever acknowledge this e-vite
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:33 AM |
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Lucky09
2017!
Member since 1/06 7539 total posts
Name:
DW
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
I agree that it's all a little much. Especially that you have not spoken to the guy in 2-3 years.
I guess this wedding will be very informal being that it was via evite though? ETA: I just realized it was the e-party...
I have a friend who had a full blown NY wedding 5 years after her first marriage (which was also a really big affair), and I even feel that is a little much.
Message edited 7/19/2007 10:34:07 AM.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:33 AM |
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beautyq115
New Year!
Member since 5/05 13729 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
Posted by Blu-ize
I think it's a bit greedy. The evite for the engagement party has a registry list.
And there will be a shower and a wedding.
I agree that she should have what she wants, but this is over the top.
Yeah she should have what she wants but you don't have to give it to her...I am sure there are other people who will provide it!
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:34 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
Well, the fact that you haven't spoken to him in 2-3 years would dictate my answer of responding no, and moving on with life.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:34 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
Posted by MrsNYPDsGirl
I agree that it's all a little much. Especially that you have not spoken to the guy in 2-3 years.
I guess this wedding will be very informal being that it was via evite though?
I have a friend who had a full blown NY wedding 5 years after her first marriage (which was also a really big affair), and I even feel that is a little much.
the evite is for the engagement party. there's a list of about 150 people. Most of which are his friends and family.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:35 AM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
If it were a brother or a close friend - I would say you should suck it up and participate again. But a guy who USED to work with your husband, who didn't honor the friendship and who hasn't hung out with you in 2-3 years? My take is that it sounds like he is just trying to drum up some friends to make more in $$ and presents for the impending nuptuals.
I think staying far away is a good choice.
I would respond to the e-vite though. Just a 'NO' with no explanation. :)
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:40 AM |
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MarathonKnitter
HAPPY
Member since 2/07 17374 total posts
Name:
EMBRACING CHANGE
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
i agree with the above-posters.
you're better off without that kind of "friend"
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:42 AM |
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lilacwine
only love...
Member since 5/05 2034 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
I would definitely respond "no" as soon as possible. If you don't respond, then he may contact DH to find out if you're coming.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:44 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
Posted by Blu-ize
I think it's a bit greedy. The evite for the engagement party has a registry list.
And there will be a shower and a wedding.
I agree that she should have what she wants, but this is over the top.
I think that an evite for a party of this type is tacky, as is inviting someone that you haven't spoken to in years.
As for it being greedy, I would really hate to think that my husbands friends thought we were greedy for including them in our wedding festivities just because it was his second marriage. It was my first wedding and we weren't going to not invite his side, and I didn't think that I should have to have a smaller wedding just because he had a big wedding the first time. If you don't want to celebrate with them that's fine but I dont think it's greedy at all - this is probably her first wedding and she just wants to celebrate. I think if you married someone that was already divorced you might understand.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:46 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
Posted by lululu
Posted by Blu-ize
I think it's a bit greedy. The evite for the engagement party has a registry list.
And there will be a shower and a wedding.
I agree that she should have what she wants, but this is over the top.
I think that an evite for a party of this type is tacky, as is inviting someone that you haven't spoken to in years.
As for it being greedy, I would really hate to think that my husbands friends thought we were greedy for including them in our wedding festivities just because it was his second marriage. It was my first wedding and we weren't going to not invite his side, and I didn't think that I should have to have a smaller wedding just because he had a big wedding the first time. If you don't want to celebrate with them that's fine but I dont think it's greedy at all - this is probably her first wedding and she just wants to celebrate. I think if you married someone that was already divorced you might understand.
I agree that she should have what she wants. But this will be an engagement party, a shower and a wedding. I think putting a registry on an evite for an engagement party is a little much. That's all I'm saying.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:49 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
Posted by Kara
My take is that, you haven't spoken to him in 2-3 years, so there's no need for you to be there. I wouldn't worry about it past that.
I agree. I didn't invite anyone to my wedding that I hadn't spoken to in over 2 years, unless it was family that I was obligated to invite.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:49 AM |
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MichelleR
my Becks
Member since 5/05 1772 total posts
Name:
tracyg
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
Posted by mtdr1106
IMO - i would be inclined to think he is looking for gifts by inviting you after not speaking for years.
My thoughts exactly!!!
We didn't invite anyone that we hadn't spoken to in a year or two either.
Message edited 7/19/2007 10:52:59 AM.
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| Posted 7/19/07 10:52 AM |
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Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
Posted by lululu
Posted by Blu-ize
I think it's a bit greedy. The evite for the engagement party has a registry list.
And there will be a shower and a wedding.
I agree that she should have what she wants, but this is over the top.
I think that an evite for a party of this type is tacky, as is inviting someone that you haven't spoken to in years.
As for it being greedy, I would really hate to think that my husbands friends thought we were greedy for including them in our wedding festivities just because it was his second marriage. It was my first wedding and we weren't going to not invite his side, and I didn't think that I should have to have a smaller wedding just because he had a big wedding the first time. If you don't want to celebrate with them that's fine but I dont think it's greedy at all - this is probably her first wedding and she just wants to celebrate. I think if you married someone that was already divorced you might understand.
I do think it is over the top and tacky to ask a friend who you have grown distant from to attend and give gifts for all of these parties/wedding festivities again. Especially after they spent so much at the first wedding. I think 3k is a lot.
I do not think the friend's new bride should be spited, especially if this is her first marriage (which it might not be), but this "friend" could have toned it down and said to his friends at least "no gifts please, you already gave generously at my first e-party, wedding, etc."
To the OP: I would just respond "No" to the evite, without explanation. It should be obvious the many reasons why you are not interested in attending.
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| Posted 7/19/07 11:03 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
Posted by Blu-ize
I agree that she should have what she wants. But this will be an engagement party, a shower and a wedding. I think putting a registry on an evite for an engagement party is a little much. That's all I'm saying.
Putting your registry on an evite for an engagement party is a little much whether it is her 1st, 2nd or 3rd wedding. But you seem upset that she will have all three. I just don't understand why she shouldn't get to have those things because her husband already had them. Inviting you was tacky, but celebrating your wedding, no matter what number it is, in my opinion is not tacky. No one is obligated to get them a gift or acknowledge it in any way.
Message edited 7/19/2007 11:07:55 AM.
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| Posted 7/19/07 11:06 AM |
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mka06
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1079 total posts
Name:
Melis
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
i wouldn't go if you don't feel that you are friends with him or will be down the line. one thing i have learned over the yrs is that different ppl view friendships and relationships differently. some people invite ppl to weddings that they haven't talked to in awhile bc though they are not close now - at one point in their life they had a special relationship and want them to be part of the day. some - would never think of inviting someone they didn't talk to in a couple of years. and some - would invite people for gift purposes.
i had childhood friends i didn't invite to my wedding bc i hadn't talked to them in a very long time - who were peeved at me they didn't receive an invite. you never know how ppl will be about this stuff... some are ticked to be invited, some are ticked to not be.
bottom line - imo - is that you are not obligated to participate if you don't want to and if you feel this person is taking advantage - you should not.
i also think that if he sent out the evite - and included the registry info - it's a little tacky. if someone else did to throw the party in their honor - then it's not really his fault.
Message edited 7/19/2007 11:17:51 AM.
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| Posted 7/19/07 11:17 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
Posted by lululu
Posted by Blu-ize
I agree that she should have what she wants. But this will be an engagement party, a shower and a wedding. I think putting a registry on an evite for an engagement party is a little much. That's all I'm saying.
Putting your registry on an evite for an engagement party is a little much whether it is her 1st, 2nd or 3rd wedding. But you seem upset that she will have all three. I just don't understand why she shouldn't get to have those things because her husband already had them. Inviting you was tacky, but celebrating your wedding, no matter what number it is, in my opinion is not tacky. No one is obligated to get them a gift or acknowledge it in any way.
Really just peeved at that engagement party registry list. The fact that I know there will be a shower and a big wedding to come just adds to the peevedness...
Their china is $229 per place setting.
have your engagement party, have your shower, and have your wedding, but be sensible about what you are really asking.
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| Posted 7/19/07 11:37 AM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Interested in your take-a little long
I think it's super tacky to include the registry information on the e-party invite. Not a big fan of e-vites but I think they are ok for an informal event or something that was planned quickly.
But I wouldn't begrudge a bride, groom or couple any wedding celebration they want to have or what they register for - there's nothing that says everyone invited attends and that every gift is off the registry.
I wouldn't go to this event since there is no relationship with the groom anymore.
Message edited 7/19/2007 11:47:11 AM.
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| Posted 7/19/07 11:45 AM |
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