would you have a second kid in this situation??

ok.... heres some background: i was born with a chromosome disorder called Turner Syndrome. the big part of it is that i don't have ovaries... so to get pregnant, i would have had to use a donor egg/IVF, etc. SOOOO DH and i opted for adoption. We have an AMAZING son from Korea, who is almost 5. he is definitely the light of our lives, couldn't be more "our" kid, has fit in our family perfectly, etc,etc. He has been with us 3 years.

For a lot of reasons, i became a SAHM after we adopted him. mostly because he was almost 2 when we adopted him- so we already missed a lot of time with him--- so, frankly, i just wasn't gonna miss anymore time with him. its great being with him BUT it also means its all me, all the time! DH leaves for work before DS even gets up, so its not even like he can help get him breakfast or whatever before he leaves. DS goes to preschool- but its only about 10 hours a week, which goes by FAST!! LOL

we also have NO family or other help close by-- our parents and my sister are all several hours away. which means we spend A LOT of time driving around/packing/unpacking to see them, or cleaning/grocery shopping/etc for them to come stay at our house. it's really tiring!! and makes little things harder. like, for example i'm having surgery this thursday. so instead of my mom just coming for a few hours to hang with DS while DH takes me to the surgery center.... she has to stay for 3 nights bc of the drive. so not only am i getting ready for surgery, i'm also getting ready to have a houseguest for a few days:-/

BUT as DS gets older-- we're starting to think about a sibling for him. he's not just our only child- he's the only kid on both sides of the family!!! he has no cousins on either side. and i really feel like he is missing out on having other kids in the family to play with! even at family get-togethers, he's hanging on me the whole time bc he's bored with no other kids to play with. i grew up with a bunch of cousins close by- we were always playing together- so it breaks my heart that he doesn't have that so we keep thinking of adopting a second- so he has a brother to run around with HAHA

THEN i think about all of the packing/unpacking, cleaning, traveling, etc that we do just so we can see our parents.... and i can't imagine doing it with 2 kids! I'm not sure how it would all work HAHA

i guess this is mostly just a vent... but any advice or input?!?!? THANKS for reading this far!!!!!

would you have a second kid in this situation??

I absolutely would. I'm a sahm of two kids 2 and under. I have no help. My mom passed away so I wish she was a 3 hour drive away. Dh leaves before the kids get up in the mornings. It's all me all day all by myself. But watching dd1 with dd2 is worth it all.

All the exhaustion, sleepless nights, expenses, etc etc are temporary. A sibling is forever. Especially when you're gone.

would you have a second kid in this situation??

Traveling and luggage and unpacking should be no reason to deter you from having a second child Your son will be old enough to help with a younger sibling as well! Just think if we all acted on those kinds of fears - no one would have even 1 kid!

Message edited 10/19/2015 8:42:29 AM.

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

I would! I have #4 on the way, and we are about 2.5 hrs from my family and 2 hrs from DHs family. DHs family will never watch our kids, and my family has very rarely watched my kids, the last time was when I was in the hospital delivering #3 almost 2 years ago lol. My DH helps as much as he can, but it's for the most part on me since he works long hours, some days he leaves before the kids wake up and after they get to sleep, so it's hard. But it's so worth it! Siblings are just the best, how they play together, how they love one another and are there for each other, it really makes up for the hard times.

I won't say it's always easy, but it's so very worth it!

would you have a second kid in this situation??

I am currently pregnant with my second. I am also a SAHM. My DH also leaves before we get up, and doesn't get home until after 6, so it's me all day every day. My family lives about 2 hours away. We have DH's parents, but they travel a lot and have their own thing going on, so I rarely ask them for help.

Everyone is different, but to me a sibling/addition to our family was very important. I want my daughter to have a sibling. She has one cousin who we do not see very often, and like you I grew up with a lot of cousins close in age to me, I do not want her to be alone. That is not the only reason, I just feel like a sibling is such a special thing, whether they get along or not, just the memories they create together growing up, the extra personality, excitement, and craziness that will be added to the family, makes it all worth it to me.

If you are on the fence, do it!!! You will never regret doing it, you may regret not doing it :)

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

Absolutely. It's a lot of work, but the most rewarding job in the world. I am a FTWM and DH too works crazy hours so I know how you feel with everything falling on you. The thought of a second scares the bejesus out of me but, I know I will have another. Sometimes, I think the thought of it is actually scarier than the reality. Not that it's a decision to take lightly, but even when preparing for my son I was anxiety ridden that life would never be the same but now it just feels normal to be up at 3am, lol

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

I think it's a really personal decision. I will say though - I just had my second and one of the huge benefits is that my first entertains and helps out so much with my second (and my oldest is only 2 1/2). My baby watches my daughter play for long lengths of time. With my first, I feel like I constantly had to entertain her, now I feel like they entertain each other. The packing/unpacking/cleaning up/general added work doesn't go away. I felt like I had to give 100% of myself with my first and so giving 100% of my time and energy to two, isn't all that different.

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

Posted by Kitten1929

Traveling and luggage and unpacking should be no reason to deter you from having a second child Your son will be old enough to help with a younger sibling as well! Just think if we all acted on those kinds of fears - no one would have even 1 kid!

would you have a second kid in this situation??

I am pregnant with my second now and I was one and done before I suprsingly found out I was pregnanat again! I am so glad now though. My DD is so excited about her little brother coming and I know she will have someone now to grow up with. I would go for it absolutley!!

would you have a second kid in this situation??

I have all the same fears as you about having a 2nd. Including a health condition that Im seeing a dr this week to find out how it will affect me getting pregnant or holding onto a pregnancy.
I decided my fears are just my anxiety about logistics and not about whether I want a 2nd. If someone asked me do you want a 2nd minus all my anxieties I would say 100% yes. And in my heart of hearts I know deep inside I want one. All the logistics will work out, just like I was terrified of having 1 and all the changes that would bring. My dd is my world and cannot picture my life without her, it will be the same way when the 2nd comes along (that's what I hear)
Its hard work and its an adjustment for everyone, but everyone adjusts. And in time things get easier.
Think it through and consider if anything else scares you, if not then maybe just go for it.
Your feelings are 100% valid and 100% natural. I worry about finances, I worry about my DH having to do more around the house, having to do more with the baby, our parents do not live close by and we have no help.
First thing I recommend, get help. I went on care.com and found a babysitter that I learned to trust. She sadly moved away so I will hire a new one. I started out slow by having her here when I was here like a mothers helper. Then I started to go out for short periods of time. I have a nanny cam. and then started to go out for longer. My DH and I got to have date nights. I got to run some errands or go to my drs appts.

would you have a second kid in this situation??

Personally, I would not bring a second child into my family unless it was something that DH and I both really wanted. Siblings are not always close and in some cases they actually grow up and choose not to see each other. I am the primary parent and DH works long hours and travels a lot for work- I could not imagine doing everything I do with dd for two children. You have to consider what is best for you--everyone is different.

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

Yes yes and yes. We are having another and I'm already feeling overwhelmed but our kids will have eachother. So too bad for me I'm joking but yes! Adoption is such an amazing thing, I would love to do the same one day.

I'm also a sahm and do it all. Some days nothing gets done, oh well! The kids are happy and in one piece :)

Message edited 10/19/2015 12:35:51 PM.

would you have a second kid in this situation??

Thanks everybody!!! i have one sister- so i know how special siblings can be! We're not "BFFs" like a lot of sister's are.... but we get along well, and have a special bond no friend could replace- and its nice to know she's "out there" if i need her, ya know?? My DH is an only child- so he's ok either way... but he does want another one, after seeing our friend's 2 kids playing together and all that. and for DS to have somebody as we get older.
I like what somebody said-- about if it weren't for the logistics of not having help close by, would we want another one? Yup! DH and i both say if we had either set of parents closer, we probably would have a second kid already HAHA so really it is just the logistics that have us questioning. BUT there are ways around that- hiring a cleaning lady, or landscaper or getting groceries delivered once in awhile to save a trip to the food store HAHA to taking SOMETHING off our plates
AND we also know that DS will be in full-day kindergarten next year. SOOO he'll be out of my/our hair 8 hours a day HAHA so its really a good time to add a child- i would have those hours to focus on the new child. ALSO- with adoption, the new child would probably be almost 3 when we adopted them... so its not like adding a tiny newborn-- although it could be, depending on how well the new one settles in and bonds with us!!
I think we will go for it... because, like i said, deep down- i think DS needs a little buddy to run around with, and i always pictured myself with 2 kids

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

Yes I would absolutely have a second in your position!!

I had 2 under 2 and it was definitely HARD! But as they get older things get easier in a lot of ways (especially with respect to the concerns you voiced).

I have heard that having a larger age difference makes things easier in a lot of ways too, since you'll have an older kid who can help. And your DS will be in school soon, so that will leave you with more time during the day to focus on the new child as well.

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

This is something only you and your husband can answer.

Two kids is a lot of work, but I knew I always wanted 2. It does get easier as they get older, though. My kids are 2.5yo and 5mo. Seeing them together melts my heart. But, it's still a lot of work on a little sleep!

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

If you and your DH really want a second kid then yes. The logistics and all that other stuff will work itself out. And it will get easier in that respect as they get older.

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

I definitely think you should go for the second child. Just thinking about the amazing life you will provide that child would be enough reason

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

Posted by JandJ1224

I definitely think you should go for the second child. Just thinking about the amazing life you will provide that child would be enough reason

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

would you have a second kid in this situation??

If you can afford to ... yes

Re: would you have a second kid in this situation??

You will never regret having another child. You may have regret if you don't. Go for it. It's hectic for such a short period.