why can't i make myself call?!?

i have been stalking this board for DAYS now, searching and reading every post on every RE, tossing all info around in my head, talking to friends IRL who see REs on LI and am totally overwhelming myself with opinions and info. i feel like i want to cry.

but even with all of this, i still cannot make myself pick up the phone to make an appointment for a consult. why?!? i guess i'm still hoping this is all just a bad dream.

i know that it is best to have consults with a few doctors and form my own opinions, but i just don't have the time...i need to try my very best to make the right decision the first time. i think i have it narrowed down....but of course, now i am obsessed with analyzing all the negative reviews....

here's what i have so far:

Dr. Kreiner - i know a lot of you don't like him, but 2 of my friends IRL are passionately devoted to him and reccomend him to the max. i also like that they have both said he is a little silly, which i think i need becasue this is all a little much for me. plus, i think he takes my insurance. i think he is the only one at ECF listed on my insurance providor directory...

Dr. Droesch - seems to be the only Dr. at LIIVF who takes my insurance, but i think i remember reading a review where someone said she was a little cruel regarding weight. i'm a little chubby and super sensitive about it....

or RSofNY which also gets terrible reviews, but it seems like all the REs there take my insurance and it's the closest to me as well....

this is really hard. how did you all decide who to see? it's such a sensitive, emotional subject. i want a doctor who is warm and gentle and sympathetic who has a personality....and then i want the balls to call and make an appointment!

this is the longest post ever. thanks for listening you guys

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

Well, in my case, time is an issue as I am 41. So after speaking to a few girls on here and hearing good things about Dr. Brenner and LI-IVF I called and made an appt. I have only just begun with them, but so far I am very pleased.

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

first off for having to make the call

I know you say you don't have the time but you may really benefit from consulting with different drs. Unfortunately this is going to become your life so it's really important that you like your RE


Believe me I know insurance is an important issue (I'm self-pay) but please don't let that be your only deciding factor.

Good luck!

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

I know how you feel. When my OB first referred me to the RE I was SO upset. I felt like a failure as a woman because I couldn't get pregnant on my own, I was extremely nervous that I would get bad news, I didn't know what to expect from my appt. and I was a nervous wreck to say the least.

Once I made the call and had my consult I felt better right away. I felt like I had a plan, a course of action. I felt very proactive with TTC and I knew that seeing the RE was my best bet and would hopefully give me the results that I desired which of course was to have a baby.

I know it's very hard to choose a doctor and I can only offer my experience but you will have to go with who you feel most comfortable with. After much consideration and posting on LIFamilies I went with RSofNY and Dr. San Roman. I started seeing him in Sept. 2007 and he sat with my DH and I for at least 45min. and went over my medical history, answered all of our questions, addressed our concerns, talked about a course of action in terms of diagnosis and treatment, and when I left that night I felt SO much better. I found Dr. San Roman to be so warm, kind, and most importantly, very positive. He never said "if" you get pregnant, it was always "when" you get pregnant and it doesn't sound like a big deal but it helps to adjust your mindset as you go through the process. I found the entire office staff wonderful, everyone was kind and nice and they made you feel at ease. I always got my test results the same day I was in the office and I was always put through to a nurse when I had questions.

Long story short, I was VERY fortunate and after only 3 months I was pregnant!! The RE kept me until I was about 8 weeks and they monitored me very closely and then I was released to my OB. I was very happy with my care at RSofNY. My ONLY complaint was with Dr. Kristen Cain who I felt was a little cold and terse but luckily I only had to see her once. Other than that I highly recommend them!! Lots and lots of luck to you and I hope that you find an RE you're comfortable with and that your pregnant very soon!!

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

time is kind of an issue for me too...the big, scary 3-5 is 2 months away, which is why my OBGYN is sending me straight to the RE after the 2 m/c this year....

ugh...i don't even know. i keep thinking 'maybe i just won't even call. i'll be fine!'...how dumb. i'm just scared, that's all. scared of everything, you know? picking the wrong doctor, admitting i need help, the possibility of actually having a baby (that's a big one! it never seemed real before, but taking this step means it is probably really maybe going to happen and holy cow, that is a BIG thing to deal with)...

thanks again. i feel like a real wreck today.

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

you ladies are so awesome, taking the time to reply to my neurotic posts. i swear, i wish i could just slap myself. maybe i just need to sleep on it for one more night....*sigh*

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

I'm a patient of Dr Droesch and I was a little nervous about the weight thing too, but she never mentioned it.

Maybe a previous patient said something to her and she realized she needed be a little more sensitive.

Good luck to you!

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

My best advice is to try not to read so much into other reviews. Although they may be helpful, it could also be overwhelming. I would suggest interviewing a few REs and going with your Gut and what feels right for you.

I have a friend who I recommended LIF IF board and she became overwhelmed with the information and it was just confusing her. So I suggested that she should go at her own pace.

I go to Dr. Droesch and I love her.
Good Luck!

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

Posted by Rach257

time is kind of an issue for me too...the big, scary 3-5 is 2 months away, which is why my OBGYN is sending me straight to the RE after the 2 m/c this year....

ugh...i don't even know. i keep thinking 'maybe i just won't even call. i'll be fine!'...how dumb. i'm just scared, that's all. scared of everything, you know? picking the wrong doctor, admitting i need help, the possibility of actually having a baby (that's a big one! it never seemed real before, but taking this step means it is probably really maybe going to happen and holy cow, that is a BIG thing to deal with)...

thanks again. i feel like a real wreck today.

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

Posted by Rach257

time is kind of an issue for me too...the big, scary 3-5 is 2 months away, which is why my OBGYN is sending me straight to the RE after the 2 m/c this year....

ugh...i don't even know. i keep thinking 'maybe i just won't even call. i'll be fine!'...how dumb. i'm just scared, that's all. scared of everything, you know? picking the wrong doctor, admitting i need help, the possibility of actually having a baby (that's a big one! it never seemed real before, but taking this step means it is probably really maybe going to happen and holy cow, that is a BIG thing to deal with)...

thanks again. i feel like a real wreck today.

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

Its very hard to make the call. I remember how devastated I was when I had to move on to an RE, but once I went, I felt much better to have a plan with someone who's only goal was to get me pregnant.


I go to RS of NY and am very happy there. I saw Dr. San Roman for my consult. he is very warm and positive. I have seen Dr. Cain many, many times, and no, she is not the warmest person in the world, but she is very knowledgable and I have no complaints about her. She was the doctor there when I was having my miscarriage and she was very good about handling the situation. She was also the one who did my IUI that got me pregnant!
Dr Stelling is also very nice, and has a sense of humor. I have not had too much experience with the other doctors. I go to the Stony Brook office, and i love the staff there.

Message edited 5/15/2008 12:21:58 PM.

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

Making that 1st call is always tough but you'll feel better that you did...With me, my OB reccomended RSOFNY and I'm happy that they did- Conceived my DS there in '05 and just got a BFP while trying for #2...I too read these boards like crazy, but felt comfortable there and stuck with them- I personally know 3 other people that have conceived there as well (2 friends and a neighbor)...SweetTooth hit the nail on the head describing all the Dr's in the Stony Brook office and I have also met Dr.Sung and Dr.Saketos at Mineola and they were also very sweet and knowledgable.... If you can find the time, interview with 2 different practices if you feel torn- Or worst case scenario, roll the dice, pick one and then after a couple of months you don't feel like you made the right choice (hopefully it wont even take that long ) -youre under no obligation and you make a switch (I know none of us want to waste any time and thats the hardest part)...Try not to make yourself bonkers about everyones opinions (including mine and try to go with what makes you feel right...Good Luck- whatever you decide !

Message edited 5/15/2008 1:11:38 PM.

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

I was a nervous wreck making that first call and it was so emotional for me. And we didn't end up staying with the practice we first met with-you have to be comfortable with your doctor and you'll know it right away.

Wishing you all the best and here are some hugs because you need them-

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

Message edited 11/22/2010 11:08:56 AM.

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

thank you all again, so much <3

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

Let me just say that it took over a YEAR for me to finally make the call to an RE even though I knew I had no choice, so to you - this is not an easy thing!

To be honest, I didn't interview many RE's. My OB/GYN recommended Kreiner but he didn't take my insurance so I didn't even bother. When I asked my OB for a second rec he told me Dr. Brenner.

DH and I met with him and we were happy. I know many people will not agree with this, but honestly, I have hardly seen or talked with him and I'm starting to think that other than credentials, the particular dr. is not quite as important as the rest of the staff. My opinion only of course. I have been dealing with nurses and office staff more than the doctor and I am very happy with LI IVF in that respect. And every procedure that he has done on me so far has been fine. I like his personality.

The reviews of Dr. Brenner on here though, did definitely help me make my decision to go to him.

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

Let me tell you something... I made 4 appointments over the point of about 1 year and cancelled each one of them with LI IVF... I just couldn't face it to go to the appts!! Its natural to be confused/scared/nervous/denial... well at least it was for me.

What prompted us to go was actually a seminar at Winthrop hospital in which Dr. Sung was lecturing at from RSofNY, and I always said I wouldn't go there b/c I had a very bad experience with another Dr. there... plush they had such horrible reviews on here.... but she was super sweet, and we just totally clicked, and I really really liked her! So unfortunately the other Dr. is still there, but it doesn't bother me...

SO we made the appt the next day... our consult was 2 weeks ago, I have already gone for my CD3 and CD15 Bloodwork and sono's... my IUI will most likely be at the beginning of next week!!!

I am really happy I finally got the guts to show up to the appt, and everything is now flying by!!!!

Good Luck, and just go when you are good and ready.

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

Go woth your gut. IMO go for more then one Consult. I went to the Melville RSONY ( I hated them and feel Iw asted thousands of Doallrs and precious time) But I hear StonyBrook is better, so who knows.
I didnt like their style of nurses and techs doing almost 95% of the work. After 11 months there, not one Dr. Knew my name.

When I switched to NSUH every single nurse knew me and the Drs knew the time I wa sthere last and called me liek we were old friends, it was a completly different experience.

I think each persons experience is really gonna be individual and the best thing you can do is take a deep breath...Call, make at least 2 consults and dont decide till afterwards.

As far as closer to home goes...I wouldnt use that as a deciding factor.

Re: why can't i make myself call?!?

As far as making the call - it's an incredibly tough decision. You feel as though you are admitting defeat when you make the call. Actually, the opposite it is true. Once you consult with an RE, you are taking control. You are being proactive about having a baby and if it hasn't happened naturally, you need to be proactive.

As far as who to choose - I've said it before: Each person is going to recommend the RE that they are seeing or who got them PG. I had a terrible experience at RSNY - Stonybrook. They didn't respond to any of my questions, wouldn't do any tests I asked about, never saw the same Drs., and the waits in the morning for sonos and blood were atrocious. I went there on my OB's recommendation. After over a year of such treatment and not getting PG, I decided to consult with various Drs. I consulted with three different RE's and went with Dr. Kenigsberg @ LI-IVF...he is a straight shooter, no hand-holding..but he's honest and will listen to my concerns. He is the only Dr. I see everytime I go there for consults and he accomodated me when I asked for certain tests. But, I read posts from other people on here who are going to RSNY and they love it...everyone has a different opinion.

You HAVE to interview various RE's - find the one that clicks with you. As another poster said, you are going to be spending a lot of time at their office. If you don't like something, it's going to become a chore to go there.
This process is difficult enough, there is no reason to add any stress.

Whatever you do - good luck! Read as much as you can about IF...read the boards, learn as much as you can so you can ask questions.
Some good books are:
Taking Care of Your Fertility
A Few Good Eggs
The Baby Solution