Who is more responsible?

A friend of mine has been dating a guy for 3 months and recently found out she is PG. She's taken 3 home tests that all are positive, but is going to the doctor for confirmation on Monday. They had not been in a serious relationship, and he said he would want her to have an abortion. She is furious and said there is no way she would get rid of the baby if she is PG. I know safe sex is the responsibility of both parties, but as a woman I always felt responsible and took care of it, knowing that it would be my body carrying it around, and ultimately the mother primarily taking care of the baby. It's a sad situation, but it sounds like he wants nothing to do with it, and she is going ahead with it...

Did you always feel BC was more your responsibility in relationships? For me, it was always something I discussed, and I consider it a joint decision, but I always made 100% sure that BC was used, since I felt for me that the woman is the one more vested in having a baby. It's just such a very sad situation, and I didn't mean to be rude, but couldn't help asking how she let this happen...No BC was used at ALL...

Message edited 12/2/2005 3:31:45 PM.

Re: Who is more responsible?

wow, i don't get why the men think they have such control over our bodies?

good for her for sticking to her guns.

as far as me, I have always discussed BC with the person I was with.

Re: Who is more responsible?

Re: Who is more responsible?

Re: Who is more responsible?

For me, it was really a matter of being and staying healthy. I was more frightened of STDs then getting pregnant. I was also very aware of the probability of BC failing so I always used two forms.

Re: Who is more responsible?

I agree it takes two to tango and BOTH should be responsible, however, the reality is, as a woman - being the one who does get pregnant and have to carry the baby I always took extra precautions. It comes down to who does this happen to? The man could walk away after 15 minutes ... a woman has to choose to have an abortion, carry for 9 months and give it up for adoption or raise it for 18+ years.

The fact that it is a women's body, the burden of resposibility is that much greater.

Re: Who is more responsible?

I tend to agree with you Beth. That's how I was raised...exactly to protect myself against the situation your friend is in. Because ultimately it's your body, and your decision whether or not to have the baby... children stay with their mothers the overwhelming majority of the time so while you can't guarantee that the Baby Daddy is going to be around, you can bet your life that the Baby Momma will. So, it's in a woman's best interest to take the bull by the horns when it comes to BC.

Re: Who is more responsible?

I think its the responsibility of both people, but I know I have to live the consquences more than he does. I made sure everything was safe. I always had condoms and insisted they were used. If someone didn't want to wear them, then that was the end of that.

Re: Who is more responsible?

Re: Who is more responsible?

Posted by nov04libride

That's how I feel. It's just sad because inevitably the baby is going to suffer. I don't think either of these people are ready for a child.

Re: Who is more responsible?

Posted by BabyAvocado

Posted by nov04libride

That's how I feel. It's just sad because inevitably the baby is going to suffer. I don't think either of these people are ready for a child.

They may not be ready now but you'd be amazed at what 9 months will do when you know the baby's coming whether you're ready or not. There's still alot of hope for the baby.

Re: Who is more responsible?

I always felt it was more my responsibilty, b/c I am the only one responsible for my life.

Surprisingly, it was never an issue. Most guys ( not that there were tons) brought it up before I did & just sort of a assumed if we didn't have condoms, we would't have sex.

Re: Who is more responsible?

Posted by nov04libride

Posted by BabyAvocado

Posted by nov04libride

That's how I feel. It's just sad because inevitably the baby is going to suffer. I don't think either of these people are ready for a child.

They may not be ready now but you'd be amazed at what 9 months will do when you know the baby's coming whether you're ready or not. There's still alot of hope for the baby.

That's true. I just imagine it's hard enough with two parents who love each other; I can't imagine doing it alone, and I don't see the guy coming around to the idea anytime soon.