What would you do? UPDATE

I have a situation and I would love some advice.

My mom's boyyfriend's exwife passed away. I met her a few times. They had been divorced for nearly 20 years, but they had 3 (grown) sons together. They had an amiable relationship. She was at his 60th b-day party and of course they spent holidays together with their family (my family did not spend holidays with them).

I really have no relationship with his kids. I have met them a few times. I inviited all of them to my wedding, no one came or sent a gift. One never responded. One RSVP'd no. One RSVP'd yes, but then called and said they couldn't come because his wife started school the next day and needed to rest.

The funeral is Friday in Brooklyn and the Shivah is all week in Plainview. My mom's boyfriend is not sitting shivah. Just his sons are. My sister and I live in Manhattan.

So what is our responsibility here?

I don't think its appropriate for my sister and I to go to the funeral with our daughters. And its very hard for us to go to PLainview with the kids from Manhattan. Its a 3 hour round trip- and that is with no traffic. Not to mention my sister is 6 months pregnant and I start my new job on Tuesday.

So I think its fine if we send a nice platter of food.

My mother things we should pay a shivah call.

My mother is one of those people who always puts others' needs before her own. She goes above and beyond what is appropriate.

What do you think?

Is sending food enough or do we need to pay a shiva call to her boyfriend's kids?

Thanks.

UPDATE: So my mom and I have been battling this out all da. My mom insisted we shlep out to Plainview because if we didn't she thought her boyfriend would be hurt that we weren't showing respect to his children who have just lost their mother (thinking like a woman). He wasn't hurt (like a man). He said any gesture (a card) would be appreciated. So we aren't going.

Message edited 4/26/2007 7:20:19 PM.

Re: What would you do?

I would sent a condolence card to the house so they get it while they are sitting shiva.

Re: What would you do?

I would just send food with a condolence card.

Message edited 4/26/2007 8:50:24 AM.

Re: What would you do?

I think a Shivah call is going way above and beyond, and not necessarily appropriate. I think sending over a very nice food platter is the perfect thing to do.

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Why should you go if your mom's boyfriend isn't going? I think sending food is more than enough.

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food and a card is perfect.

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Send a platter from Gold & Meyers on Old country Rd in Plainview.

You don't have to go.