What would you do?

DH is a partner in a large-ish law firm. Every other year his firm does a "partnership retreat" and all of the partners take a trip for 3 days both to do things that build camaraderie (play golf, have dinners out, etc.) and to attend business related meetings and seminars. I am also a lawyer and do understand the importance of firm activities like this, etc.

This year the retreat is from March 15-18 or thereabouts and it is in Florida. My EDD is 4/9. My doctor based my EDD on the baby's measurements at 8 weeks. If you were to go by the date of my LMP, I'd actually be due 4/3. Since my 8 week ultrasound, the baby has been measuring ahead of the 4/9 due date with every ultrasound. So I kind of feel like my EDD is up in the air - somewhere between 4/3 and 4/9 but who knows.

When I first got pregnant the subject of the retreat came up and DH definitely seemed to think the retreat was far enough in advance of my EDD that he would be able to go. I disagree. It's basically 2-3 weeks before I am due and I feel like plenty of babies are born early. In fact, while this is my first pregnancy, I am a stepmother to DH's two daughters and both of them were born 2 weeks early.

We have not really discussed it at length because I didn't feel like arguing during that first conversation and I was also hoping that DH would decide on his own that he should not attend. I can tell it's going to come up again in the next few days because DH has a meeting at work concerning the retreat. I feel like I want to tell DH should not attend this retreat. Am I being insane/emotional/unreasonable??

Please don't quote!!

Message edited 10/24/2012 1:21:27 PM.

What would you do?

I would not make that decision now. So much can change durign your pregnancy. I would play it more by ear until you get to the last month or so.

People do go early and plenty go late. Your due date is just an estimate. If things are movign along fine and your Dr doesn't have any concerns then I would let him go. It is weeks before the due date not days. If things change and the Dr thinks you could go early then make the decsion not to go.

Its way too early to decide.

Re: What would you do?

That's an idea, but the firm books rooms and buys airline tickets well in advance. I guess he would have to discuss with them whether they want to take the gamble on the cost and whether he'd have to pay it back if he doesn't end up going.

Re: What would you do?

youll get all kinds of different opionions of course, and they are just that, opinions..just like mine. me- personally- i would feel the same exact way as you and i would think that 2-3 weeks before is not long and would want dh to be home. not just in case you go early but for just helping you around and being there for you. this to is my first pregnancy and at almost 32 weeks i can hardly move sometimes and depend on him for a lot while i am at home. also, i really do understand about not fighting.. its hard. if he insists on going, and you guys agree that he will actually go, i would have a very strict plan in place for him paying attention closely to his phone and emails, etc. so if he needs to jump on a plane and get a ticket quickly, he has already planned for this.

Re: What would you do?

I agree with the PP, it's way too early to decide, but if I were you, this would be a non-issue for me and I'd let him go.

He can always get on a plane and get home in a couple of hours if you felt contractions coming on.

Re: What would you do?

Personnally, I would let him go. It isnt too long and Florida is only a quick plane ride away.
As for EDD, I measured ahead my enitre pregnancy; almost 3 weeks ahead at one point and it really doesnt mean much except maybe I'm having a bigger baby. The 1st sonos are pretty accurate in dating a pregnancy, more so than later ones because every baby grows at a different rate. I'm 33 weeks now and measuring on target despite the fact that i was once '3 weeks ahead'.
Its really a decision you have to make together, but if he goes, i would be sure to have a plan in case you do go into labor that early.

What would you do?

I'm 36 weeks right and wouldn't want DH to travel anywhere. That's just me though.
ETA: This is for a couple of reasons. First of all, I don't think I could be alone for a couple of days. There are bunch of things around the house that are difficult for me to do and DH has been helping out a lot. I would also worry that something could happen and DH wouldn't be there. Towards the end, you also need a lot of emotional support- its easier for him to give that to you if he's around. I think if DH were to go away for a weekend, I would be depressed without him around. And of course, the most obvious, I want him there when I go into labor!

Message edited 10/24/2012 1:36:00 PM.

Re: What would you do?

Unless it was some kind of mandatory business trip, I wouldn't let my DH get on the plane. Due dates are guesses, and two weeks isn't *that* early. It's not a long flight, but there's a lot more to traveling than the actual time in the air. And what if he can't get a flight out right away? Once he gets back to NY, we're 30 minutes east of the airport and 45-50 minutes west of the hospital. DD1 is not quite 2, and I'd be home alone laboring with her. Um, no.

Re: What would you do?

What would you do?

My husband had to travel domestically throughout my last trimester. He was traveling for fellowship interviews, not going wasn't an option. Maybe because I didn't have a choice I didn't really stress about it. Chances are if you are having a normal pregnancy everything will be fine! I took it easy the days he were gone and he can always come home ASAP if you start having contractions. If it's important to him than I'd let him go and wouldn't think twice about it. Honestly, looking back my biggest regret was scheduling so many interviews after the baby was born, that was AWFUL!! It was far better to have him gone close to my due date than it was when we had a newborn.

Re: What would you do?

For me personally, I wouldn't want him to go.

I remember how I was in my last few weeks of pregnancy (MISERABLE!!!!) and I really needed my DH around, I would've been lost without him. He took amazing care of me, there were so many things I was having trouble with at the end because of the swelling, exhaustion, etc. I really needed his help towards the end. He also took me to all my OB appts. too which was nice. My water broke at 39 weeks so of course it's possible to go early and honestly I would've been in a panic if he wasn't right there with me when that happened.

I feel like it's one trip and given the circumstances I think everyone would understand why he wouldn't attend. Yes, he can always get back if needs to BUT who wants the stress of that when you go into labor? I don't know, I think he should just stay close to home with you...........pregnancy, labor, and delivery are all so unpredictable so for me, I would feel better knowing my DH was right there if anything happened.

Re: What would you do?

Dh went away when I was 30w with twins (last week). I've been so uncomfortable and swelling so bad that my mom had to come in just to walk the dog and make/clean up after dinner. But there was no concern of me going into labor at that point so he went. If it was 3 weeks out, I wouldn't feel so apt to agree to an optional trip, twins or not.

Message edited 10/24/2012 3:39:24 PM.

What would you do?

I wouldn't mind, but like others have said -- it's too early to make the decision.