What would you do?

Just looking for some advice.........

My SIL is having issues getting pregnant. Her and her DH get some kind of test results back this week.

In any event, DH and I found out we are expecting on Mother's Day and we both feel horrible because we feel like it happened with us totally unplanned.....we also were overwhelmed and ended up sharing with everyone on Mother's Day because we had just found out......

I know she's only been trying for a year, and I feel bad.........like this is being rubbed in her face or something.

Her mom also came with me to my first appt. yesterday because DH had to work. She didn't go in the room with me or anything, but in retrospect, I am wondering if that was not the greatest idea.

Obviously, she's happy for me, but I still feel bad.....

What would you do if you were in this situation?

ETA: Ours will also be the first grandchild.....and they got married a year before we did.........

Message edited 5/18/2008 2:32:32 PM.

Re: What would you do?

before i did anything, i would talk to your SIL. she's obviously open enough about their issues that you know they are having testing done.

no one needs to know that you guys weren't trying (unless you already spilled the beans). is she hurt and upset? probably, but she's also probably really happy for her brother. having never gone through IF, i can't say for sure... but i think i would want to be able to talk about my feelings before my situation got talked about by everyone else in the family.

Re: What would you do?

Actually, we know about their issues moreso from her parents.

We've always been open since before we even got married, that our attitude towards having a child was more or less "whatever happens, happens".

We are the type of couple that would be thrilled with a child, but if it wasn't in the cards for us, I think that would be okay too..........I understand not everyone is like this though and this is why I feel bad.........if that makes sense........

Re: What would you do?

Honestly, in a way I know how you feel because my best friend went through hell with IVF, but it eventually worked and she has a beautiful daughter now...but...when I told her I was pregnant (she knew I had only tried for a month), she hasn't acted excited yet at all, when I finally got a hold of her (had to leave her a message and she wouldn't call me back) she kept changing the subject to her daughter. It is hard for me, but, I also know what she is going through, she can never have a baby naturally..and I can't imagine how I would feel if that happened to me... So, I am not calling her about every little thing that happens, because I feel like I am rubbing it in her face.

So, maybe don't talk about every little detail with SIL, .....but I wouldn't hold back your excitement about your baby, even around your MIL. What is happening to your SIL is in no way your fault, and I'm sure she knows that, and I'm sure she is very happy for you. And you have to enjoy every minute of your pregnancy, and I'm sure your MIL wants to be able to enjoy it with you too!

Good luck!
Hopefully everything works out for your SIL

Message edited 5/18/2008 2:48:08 PM.