"warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

My sister and I are both overly anxious people, products of our upbringing.
I'm sure that has bleed into how she raised her kids and how I am currently raising my kids.
My niece is now anxious also and stresses about things.

How do I - tell/warn my kids not to do things without making them anxious later on in life?

For example, just this weekend all this happened in a 2 minute span with DD:
1. Don't sit on the ground its dirty (this was in the supermarket)
2. "Don't touch that cup its dirty" (someone left an used empty plastic cup on the shelf)
3. "Don't climb you could fall" (waiting for the elevator, she was climbing the side/mini staircase)
4. "Don't rub the walls its dirty" (in the elevator shes rubbing her hands up and down the walls)
5. "Don't put your fingers in your mouth, your hands aren't clean"
6. Don't sit there it'll break (in the lobby she sat on the radiator)

I think everything I said is legitimate but I don't want her to be all weird and feel nervous about everything she does.
Or am I worried about nothing?

Thanks

Re: "warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

I am the same way as far as anxious and I'm trying not to project that onto my DD as well.
With that said, I think it's not WHAT is said, but the WAY it is said.
For example, if DD spills something, I used to "gasp" and she'd kind of freak out. Now, I try to just be calm and say - it's ok. We all spill things. Let's just try to be more careful from now on.

On a side note - someone on here had posted once and I apologize for not remembering who - that people shouldn't have to "recover" from their childhood. That's always stayed with me, and I try my best with DD.

Re: "warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

I can be the same way but I try to choose my battles. Kids are naturally curious and crazy LOl So in the scenario up above Id focus on the not climbing and also the fingers in the mouth. Dirty is everywhere, bring some wipes and clean their hands when u can so ur not having to SAY its dirty alot.

Re: "warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

I would have said everything you said to your DD to all of my kids. I now have a 9 and 8 YO, my 9 YO is a very anxious kid and my 8 YO isn’t. My 4 and 2 YO aren’t anxious either but they are both still young. So personally, I don’t think it’s bc I parented my older 2 differently bc they were only 17 months apart, so I think my DS’s personality is just more on the anxious side than my DD, who is very carefree. So unless your overreacting, like flipping out about the walls being dirty, I think your fine to remind her that the walls are dirty etc. I think how we approach those situations are what is make or break, bc I certainly don’t want my kids thinking super market floors are clean, so they aren’t to sit on them, but I don’t want to give them a complex that they need to bleach their shoes when they get home type of thing lol. So as long as your just stating these things nicely, I think you’re good.

Re: "warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

I just try to choose what's actually dangerous versus what I prefer my children not to do. My husband is more of the "don't!" parent and I try to tell him to let the small things go. You can't spend the whole day telling your children no or it'll drive them crazy.

Re: "warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

You can accomplish the same thing without using Don't so often.

Instead of saying "Don't sit on the ground it's dirty"...Ask them to stand by you. Or suggest that instead of the ground, they sit someplace more comfortable.

Re: "warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

I’d say pick your battles. IMO, you aren’t helping her by never letting her fall or just get a touch dirty. Kwim? Yes climbing somewhere dangerous, a big rock or a ladder is out, but a few steps won’t kill her.

Re: "warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

Re: "warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

I agree with the others about choosing your battles. Another point that is worth making is to try to be calm in your own endeavors -- your children are watching and listening to you so it's not just your directives that they internalize. Do you stay calm when you encounter your own obstacles? They'll notice, your emotions are contagious. (I struggle with this and sympathize BTW! I think it's a great step that you're looking to improve the situation)

Re: "warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

Re: "warning" kids vs giving them a "complex"

ok, thanks for all the opinions everyone!

a lot to think about

Message edited 7/17/2018 2:22:42 PM.