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butterfly22
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 691 total posts
Name:
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To those who are married/ in relationships...Insecurities due to your past
I am sure some of you might have had bad past relationships, and as a result carried into your current one some "baggage".
How did you over come your fears, hurt, insecurities, so not to destroy your current relationship?
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Posted 8/29/05 10:57 AM  |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: To those who are married/ in relationships...Insecurities due to your past
LOL...I let those insecuriies almost destroy my relationship with DH while we were dating.
I had broken into his e-mail, read one from a girl he had known for years (that had the hugest crush on him) about a party he was having that I knew nothing about....etc.
We both lost our trust in each other for awhile, but we didn't break up over it or anything.
I also STILL have a fear of him cheating on me or leaving me at some point and my insecurities about what I look like...well that'll always be my issue.
To get over it: talk to him about it, I went to therapy and discussed everything I learned about myself with him. HE was really supportive and we still fight and stuff now, but we always get through it. Just knowing that he won't go out that door makes me feel better
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| Posted 8/29/05 11:11 AM |
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butterfly22
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 691 total posts
Name:
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Re: To those who are married/ in relationships...Insecurities due to your past
he is great and is soooooooooooooo willing to work though my fears and things that come up. I could not ask for a better person, but I feel so extremly bad that I do that to him, because he gives me no reason to not trust him or fear that he's hurt me.
nice to know others go through this too!
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| Posted 8/29/05 11:15 AM |
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MelissaG
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/05 426 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: To those who are married/ in relationships...Insecurities due to your past
Posted by btrflygrl
LOL...I let those insecuriies almost destroy my relationship with DH while we were dating.
I also STILL have a fear of him cheating on me or leaving me at some point and my insecurities about what I look like...well that'll always be my issue.
Same here. I talked to DH about it when we first started dating. I know he would never cheat on me, but since it has happened to me in the past, and had such an impact on me, that insecurity will always be there. I also have low self-esteem, and I'm always wondering if DH is looking at other girls all the time. I never voice it to him, but try and deal with it myself. I talk to my friends, and my mom, and they get me through it.
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| Posted 8/29/05 11:17 AM |
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CaidensMommy
My 3 Miracles!
Member since 5/05 5777 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: To those who are married/ in relationships...Insecurities due to your past
Posted by MelissaG
Posted by btrflygrl
LOL...I let those insecuriies almost destroy my relationship with DH while we were dating.
I also STILL have a fear of him cheating on me or leaving me at some point and my insecurities about what I look like...well that'll always be my issue.
Same here. I talked to DH about it when we first started dating. I know he would never cheat on me, but since it has happened to me in the past, and had such an impact on me, that insecurity will always be there. I also have low self-esteem, and I'm always wondering if DH is looking at other girls all the time. I never voice it to him, but try and deal with it myself. I talk to my friends, and my mom, and they get me through it.
I feel the same way! My past relationships have hurt me quite a bit. Even though I was young, at the time I thought I was in love, so it still hurts. I am also a very insecure person with low self-esteem issues. I am always wondering if my DH is looking and flirting with other girls and not wanting me anymore. He works a second job at night and he hangs out with the guys after work a lot and they are all single so they go to the bar right behind the store (which I hate), so I'm always wondering if they're trying to hook him up with someone else. It feels like he has a second life that I know nothing about. He's out after work, having a good time with girls around while I'm home with my son so I can't go out with him. We've been together 12 years on Wednesday and still I feel insecure. I don't think it'll ever go away!  I honestly do trust my DH it's other women that I don't trust mostly. It's just the thought of girls "trying" to get with him. It's also hard when we have an argument and I know he's upset with me for some stupid reason that I worry about him looking for others. It may sound stupid and I'm sure not healthy, but it's something I can't seem to get past. It does upset my DH that after 12 years he doesn't understand why I don't trust him??? Well, for one I'm the only one he's been with, so he wouldn't understand the getting hurt part of it and because I'm the only one he's been with. It makes me wonder if he wants to see what it's like to be with someone else. Anyway, sorry to ramble... but I wish I knew how to get past it, but I don't have any suggestions. Now I don't always feel like this, it's mainly when we're fighting about something.
Message edited 8/29/2005 11:47:16 AM.
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| Posted 8/29/05 11:45 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: To those who are married/ in relationships...Insecurities due to your past
We talked about it from Day 1. I can talk to Fh about anything, even exes, whatever 's on my mind. At first i'll admit I was the psycho gf from hell, but we got throguh it, and as the security in our relationshi has grown, those insecurities from the past have disappeared.
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| Posted 8/29/05 11:47 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: To those who are married/ in relationships...Insecurities due to your past
Posted by butterfly22
I am sure some of you might have had bad past relationships, and as a result carried into your current one some "baggage".
How did you over come your fears, hurt, insecurities, so not to destroy your current relationship?
YUP certainly did and to some degree still have...
But IMO if you are choosing to love someone...You just gotta surrender yourself to it.
Regardless you have to take that leap of faith..
And that in your mind, you love this person more than your fear of getting hurt
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| Posted 8/29/05 12:49 PM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
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Re: To those who are married/ in relationships...Insecurities due to your past
I didn't realize how much my ex husband destroyed my faith and trust until I started dating my current boyfriend. Hes been very supportive and understands my issues. I am a lot better but still have concerns, issues at times with trust. I look for the little things that bring on suspicions. My friends say to stop being a diva detective!
Its hard though b/c as much as I like him, I am looking out for myself and protecting my heart as well.
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| Posted 8/29/05 2:16 PM |
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momAGAIN
so outrageous
Member since 7/05 3853 total posts
Name:
TJ
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Re: To those who are married/ in relationships...Insecurities due to your past
I have a ton of baggae.I was in a horrible relationship for 10 yrs, abusive both physical and mental as well as cheating, I still have issues with it but Fh knows about my past problems and he is so patient with me. communication is the key to getting through it!
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| Posted 8/29/05 4:06 PM |
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