Those with only 1 ...

Tell me all the benefits and good things about just having one. I'm 99 percent sure my daughter will be my only one, but I feel so sad sometimes. I need to hear the positive.

Those with only 1 ...

Check out the book One and Only by Lauren Sandler. i recently heard some great things about it, and been thinking about checking it out.
we only have one right now... he'll be 6 in November. We adopted him from korea, so it was a process. Honestly--- the guilt eats me alive every day :-/ he's the only kid on BOTH sides of the family- no cousins either. so even at family get togethers, he's missing out on the whole childhood thing of just running off and playing with other kids. i think if he had cousins his age, i would feel a little bit differently..... I'm also not a super social person, so I'm not good at getting him out, inviting playdates over and all that. BUT i just felt so strongly about him not being the only kid in the family, that we actually are in the process to adopt another little bot form korea
DH is an only child, and he was ok with it. he has 2 cousins around his age that he played with. and being an only made him very social/ outgoing, so he made a lot of close friends, that he's still friends with today. (a lot of them also happen to be only children, so they kind of made their own siblings.) DHs parents were able to give him a lot of opportunities because he was the only. He had no student loans, they still give him a good amount of money every year as inheritance, they took a lot of vacations... he did VERY well in school, partly because his parents were able to put a lot of attention into helping him with his school stuff. He ended up with a great job as an engineer making 6 figures....SOOO there are definitely advantages to having an only i think. You just have to work extra hard at making sure they have the social opportunities they need in order to make friends and have other kids to play with

Those with only 1 ...

I'm one of two and I also have two. BUT I will say that just bc you give your dd a sibling DOES NOT mean they will be close.

I for one barely talk to my sister. Dh is one of three. His brother passed at a young age and there was 3 years we didn't talk to his sister. She didn't even meet my kids the first 3/1 year of their lives.

Re: Those with only 1 ...

Re: Those with only 1 ...

Message edited 10/7/2016 1:27:53 PM.

Re: Those with only 1 ...

She gets our full attention

We can afford to do so much more with her.

If we had a second we'd have to take out a second mortgage and build up or move because our house is too small. With one we are ok

We are less stressed, which leads to her being less stressed.

Daycare costs were manageable.

Things like summer camp, gymnastics, trips- all easier to afford.

Our family is 100% complete
She never once asked for a sibling or why she doesn't have one.
(she HAS asked for a dog! )
I ask her if she would want a little brother or sister and she always says NO! I want you all to myself.

LOL

Re: Those with only 1 ...

This exactly. Plus I work full time and only get a few hours with DD. DD would get even less of me if we had more

Posted by NervousNell

She gets our full attention

We can afford to do so much more with her.

If we had a second we'd have to take out a second mortgage and build up or move because our house is too small. With one we are ok

We are less stressed, which leads to her being less stressed.

Daycare costs were manageable.

Things like summer camp, gymnastics, trips- all easier to afford.

Our family is 100% complete
She never once asked for a sibling or why she doesn't have one.
(she HAS asked for a dog! )
I ask her if she would want a little brother or sister and she always says NO! I want you all to myself.

LOL

Those with only 1 ...

MY DS is turning 5 soon....we MAY consider another but if it doesn't happen I will be perfectly happy and at peace with him being my one and only.

He gets the absolute BEST- quality of time spent together, education, trips/vacations, summer camp, enrichment opportunities, college fund ect. I don't say that to brag but to ME growing up one of 5 with scarce resources....this was critical to me.

We have a close knit circle of family (4 cousins) and family friends who all have kids...our son is never lonely!

As parents, we are not stressed and truly savor and enjoy our time. We are the three musketeers and it is absolutely THE BEST.

Re: Those with only 1 ...

Posted by hope417

This exactly. Plus I work full time and only get a few hours with DD. DD would get even less of me if we had more

Posted by NervousNell

She gets our full attention

We can afford to do so much more with her.

If we had a second we'd have to take out a second mortgage and build up or move because our house is too small. With one we are ok

We are less stressed, which leads to her being less stressed.

Daycare costs were manageable.

Things like summer camp, gymnastics, trips- all easier to afford.

Our family is 100% complete
She never once asked for a sibling or why she doesn't have one.
(she HAS asked for a dog! )
I ask her if she would want a little brother or sister and she always says NO! I want you all to myself.

LOL

Those with only 1 ...

The book One and only mentioned by a pp is a great book- I love having an only child. My dd gets my full attention. I have been lucky to be able to take a break in my career to stay home with her for the past 2.5 years--we would never be able to afford to live on one income (and maintain our lifestyle) if we had multiple children. Dd gets a lot of enrichment--we have adequate resources to send her to nursery school and ballet class- previously I was able To enroll her in swim class, Music together and the little gym. It is easy to travel with dd with and without DH. My DH has been able to focus on expanding his business because he does not have to worry about rushing home to pick up dd or relieve a nanny/baby sitter.

Re: Those with only 1 ...

I have one.

I can get adequate sleep. She was never a great sleeper and when she gets sick she doesn't sleep well. I can't imagine how tired I would be with 2, or how I'd feel with two sick kids.

She gets all my attention and love. I can go to all of her classes/events without having to pick and choose between the multiple classes/events with other kids. Like my husband and I can do everything together not like he takes one kid here while I take another kid there. I like having our whole family together.

We can afford to do more things for her. She takes swim, gymnastics and occasionally does other things. We want to start traveling with her more. She hasn't been many places at all, we want to start international travel when she is a bit older.

She doesn't have to live her life worrying about many other family members. Both my husband and I have brothers. and we love them. but we are the more responsible ones and always have to pick up our siblings slack. Being an only child gives her more freedom, to move (no one to stay for), less stress worrying about a sibling or doing their work or helping them pay for things yada yada.

so many reasons...

and i'm with you. it doesnt always feel easy. sometimes the decision feels so strongly WRONG but I know having just one is the best for us.

Re: Those with only 1 ...

Those with only 1 ...

We're on the fence too. If we weren't dealing with infertility, we'd definitely have another.

Unlike what most of the others said, I am unbelievably close to my four siblings. We text daily. I talk on the phone with my one sister for at least 30 minutes every day. I feel bad not giving my DS this same experience.

Those with only 1 ...

We tried after DD to have another and I have had issues holding onto the pregnancy, one that almost killed me... My DH wants another but understands that I don't really want to try again... Sometimes I think about trying again or maybe adopting but I'm not there yet and not sure I'm going to be there.
I adore my daughter and she is my whole life. I get to work part time so I get to enjoy her. I get the best of both worlds, I get to keep a little bit of my life (work related I mean) BUT get to spend most of my time with her. Taking her to school, gymnastics, dance, soccor...
As others have said I can focus on her. She is high maintence and I don't know that I'm the kind of woman who could handle more than 1. I'm being honest with myself...
We can afford for her to participate in any activity she wants which she does ever since she was a baby. I can give her all my attention and I still get time to myself so I don't feel overwhelmed and stressed. I also get time alone with my husband constantly and our marriage is better than ever...
I get my sleep minus the times she randomly has a bad night or shes sick... I NEED my sleep. I cannot imagine going through those first 3 months without sleep waking every 2-3 hours to feed a baby then get up and take care of a toddler. (my dd is 4)... Again I don't know that I'm the kind of woman who can handle that.
Also it would mean my DH chipping in more around the house and with a 2nd child I cant do everything for both all the time. And he works a lot and sometimes has to travel for work I don't know what more he has to give. In theory he wants it but the reality of 2 I'm not sure he gets the whole picture.
I see my friends that have 2 and they cant sit still. Each parent has to man a child so therefore they don't get to just sit and chill. They are busy running around and again I don't know that I want to go through that.

THe things I feel she will miss that makes me question it:
Having a sibling connection. I am close to my 1 brother (I have another that I'm not close to at all and barely see beyond holidays). The 1 I'm close to I talk to every single day. And now that my parents are older and my dad is sick its really nice having him there to go through it with me. I hate that she wont have that.
I hate that she wont be an aunt unless she marries someone with siblings...
Her kids wont have cousins again unless she marries someone with siblings...
I don't want her to be that only child weird that so many people have put in my head...
I wouldn't be able to work, I would quit for awhile and I'm not willing to do that I love my job.
I try to keep her surrounded by kids all the time... We have play dates constantly, we participate in a ton of activities, and she has cousins though we don't see them often enough...
I think society makes you think your SUPPOSED to have more than 1 and I see a lot of people who do it and it puts such a huge strain on their marriage. The women are soo unhappy. and I get the sense so overwhelmed that they regret it....

Message edited 10/9/2016 2:00:34 PM.

Re: Those with only 1 ...

Those with only 1 ...

We have one daughter and she will be our one and only. Our family is complete and we're happy. DD (5) has a ton of friends, she's been going to school since she was 2, she is in activities that she loves, has cousins she is close with... And most importantly, she's happy and healthy. She has never asked for a younger sibling. I asked her once if she wanted one and she said she would want an older sister, but it doesn't work that way. And she's definitely not spoiled because we don't run our house like that.
I have a lot of mom friends with younger kids and they are always complaining, stressed out and seemingly overwhelmed. That's just not the type of lifestyle we want. Even my mom friends with older kids complain about running from activity to activity with all their kids. It's hard. And I give them a lot of credit for doing it. But for us, we are one and done.

Re: Those with only 1 ...

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by ANewDayHasCome

I'm one of two and I also have two. BUT I will say that just bc you give your dd a sibling DOES NOT mean they will be close.

I for one barely talk to my sister. Dh is one of three. His brother passed at a young age and there was 3 years we didn't talk to his sister. She didn't even meet my kids the first 3/1 year of their lives.

I have one. No plans for another. I have a sister I'm not close with. DH has 2 siblings he's not close with. He's the youngest of 3 and the stories he tells make me I actually don't know many people who are close with their siblings. I also know lots of only children and they are perfectly fine, well adjusted people. I feel zero guilt about not giving her a sibling.

I love my DD more than anything and nothing makes me happier than watching her grow. But juggling multiple children, breaking up fights, spending my weekends at 15 practices, games, etc isn't for me. It's just not the life DH and I want for ourselves or for DD.

Re: Those with only 1 ...

i feel like i can comment here because we had 1 for a very long time.. and were on the fence about a second.
I knew very early on if we ever did have a second my kids would be far apart in age. DH and I both have very demanding jobs and work long hours etc.
We were very on the fence about another child. I loved having my time with DS etc, and after a while life was so easy. He was self sufficient and i thought i couldnt start over with another baby!

When DS turned 4, I started to feel I would regret not trying to having another child and wanted him to have a sibling. in the end we decided to try for another and i got pregnant with my DD. So DS is 6 and DD is now 1.
I dont know how my family would be complete without my baby girl. she brings so much joy to our family and especially to my son and vice versa (i know that may not be always..)
Dont get me wrong.. it's tough these days.. but I dont regret having another.
I know plenty of famiies that have one child and everyone is happy and healthy...and that's all that matters

Those with only 1 ...

Interesting responses. We also have tiny families so it makes me feel even more guilty, but I don't think I could handle another.

Re: Those with only 1 ...

Re: Those with only 1 ...