Those dealing with MF

As I am starting to have AF spotting I have a questions.....How do you deal with MF and your DH?

I have these terrible feelings of resentment at times and than I feel guilty for feeling that way. We have unexpained MF and I think that makes it worse. He is being so good about taking a ton of vitamins, he has lost over 35 lbs to try and get healthier and inside I just feel like I have such resentment that there is something not right and we just can't conceive on our own. I feel like every month I am just joking myself thinking that a miracle is going to occur, only to get knocked down even further when it doesn't. If I was the one with the problem I can handle it but I am not and I don't know how to feel anymore. If you made it this far, thank you for letting me vent.

Re: Those dealing with MF

It's a tough thing to deal with....I think that bc we're dealing w/ IF, we both look at each other from time to time and think that the other person should be doing more of this, less of that, changing whatever.....He thinks I work too much/ stress too much and that's the reason. I think he drinks too often and that's the reason.

I think it's perfectly natural to feel this way....especially when u think or know that AF is coming.

Re: Those dealing with MF

Its difficult...sometimes I do find myself getting resentful for a moment, but then I have to remember that its US going through this process together, not just me and not just him. This is what it takes for US to have a family, and we are in it together, for whatever reason or whatever may happen.

Re: Those dealing with MF

We're dealing with MF also and I was resentful in the beginning because I wanted to TTC sooner than we did. Dh wanted to wait. So we waited, then he got very sick and had a slow recovery. When he was finally ready, it was just one BFN after another. I'm over 35, so I didn't wait too long before seeing an RE.

Sometimes I do feel resentful because if we diagnosed the MF earlier, we wouldn't have wasted all that time. Then there are times when I feel guilty because DH feels bad that he's the "problem".

Then he feels guilty because I have to go through all the shots, sonos, and bloodwork anyway.

Before we started IVF, we were required to have 1 session with a social worker. It was the best thing we ever did. All those feelings were put on the table, and resolved.

We're in this together, for better or worse.

Re: Those dealing with MF

Yes, I have had some resentment toward him but he probably has it toward me since my eggs are older. Every time I took a pill or took a needle, I get upset that he doesn't take any vitamins or supplements to make his body healthier to produce better sperm. I know this is not the right way to think, but I am only human, so I forgive myself.

DH wanted to wait to have kids, so I did and it was the biggest mistake we made. We believed all the TV shows and our own family who had babies in their 40's. I would not be trying this at 44 when I could have done it 10 years ago. For that, I am most resentful at times. But then again, if I had really wanted it that badly, I could have insisted or left him....either way I am just as much responsible for the decision.

Message edited 3/24/2009 9:24:57 PM.

Re: Those dealing with MF

I honestly do not feel resentment and this is why: how would I feel if I were the one having issues and DH resented ME? Horrible...that is how. We are a team, together in marriage. It does not matter technically where the problem lies/who has it, we are handling it together.

Re: Those dealing with MF

I took me a long time to sort out my feelings, but resentment was a major issue I had for a long time. So much so that at one point I didn't think we'd survive as a couple. I even told those few people who new we were having IF issues that it was all me so that he didn't have to feel bad and that was the worst thing I did because it made me even more resentlful towards him.

That was then. Now, we're dealing with it again. Now we really don't even talk about it. We just know what are issues are. I have no resentment towards DH. It is what it is and there is nothing I can do to control it.

So I say all this to tell you resentment is normal, but don't let it eat you or your relationship up. Talk to him about your feelings, or seek a therapist if you find that there's no one to talk to.

Re: Those dealing with MF

Thank you all so much for your responses. This board is so great and filled with such strong wonderful ladies! I feel better today. I have such guilt for feeling resentful and it feels good to let it out sometimes. This is a long road that everyone here is all to familiar with.....hopefully all our prayers are answered soon.

Re: Those dealing with MF

It is a hard road. We're dealing with mild MF and he's taking vitamins and eating better. I do get resentful sometimes though, mainly b/c I'm the one who is more proactive too (buying the vitamins, healthy eating, wathcing alcohol). But I know how hard it is for him, esp. with his friends getting PG. Its hard overall, no matter what issues you're dealing with. Definitely use this board to vent or talk to someone - its the best thing, those feelings are natural and have to get out in a safe, comfortable place.