The Selfish Friend, LONG

How do I deal with this type of friend. She has always been there for me as far as tough times emotionally. But recently she has been putting me in really awkward and uncomfortable situations. I feel like she is doing this because its easier for her to just have me deal with the situation (because I am mature and will not create any issues) then to approach me or the other party to talk about it.

The situation is, she is hanging out with an old friend of ours who hates me. I know she hates me because we have been at parties at the selfish friends house and this girl avoids me. She will not even be in the same room as me, talk to me or acknowdledge my presence.

This friend never tells me when this girl is going to be at get togethers or parties. So I get there and spend the whole night with this girl giving me looks and avoiding me. The other night I dropped by my selfish friends house to pick up a pair of shoes she borrowed. And as I was getting my stuff to leave the girl that hates me came to the house. She sat in the kitchen until I left , and completely ignored me. My selfish friend never mentioned this girl was coming over.

She has done things like this to my other friends, putting them in uncomfortable or compromising positions. She does it because she wants to avoid any conflict so she does not have to deal with drama.

I have told her how uncomfortable the whole thing made me, so I thought I communicated my feeilings to her. But then the whole dropping by and the girl sitting in the kitchen thing happened, and its clear she just expects me to deal. She is very uncomfortable with confrontation and becomes very defensive. I have already spoke to her once, should I just wait until the next get together or party to bring it up again? Or just shut my mouth be uncomfortable and deal...

Bottom line : I am 26 years old , a newlywed, in the house buying process, and hoping to be preggers by the years end. I don't have the energy for this high school bs...

Re: The Selfish Friend, LONG

It sounds like you just need to be a little more direct with your friend. Tell her that this situation is making you uncomfortable and you don't want it to put a strain on your friendship with her (selfish friend) so you would appreciate it if she would give you a heads up for when the other friend will be around so that you can make the decision for yourself which gatherings you opt to go to.

Re: The Selfish Friend, LONG

well you should ask your friend anytime you see them--will so-and-so be around? to avoid this.

why not just confront the girl that "hates" you---and try and squash the difference or just let her know "i hate this awkardness---can't we just be civil please instead of this whole avoiding me crap---we have a friend in common and i hate acting like this -- we're both adults"

the 3rd option is just not hang out with selfish friend anymore---which i'm not sure if that would be a big deal or not to you

Re: The Selfish Friend, LONG

The confrontation I was about 10 seconds away from doing, but then I stopped myself. It would have created more drama, this girl that hates me would not have taken it well and therefore I would have strained my other friendship.

Not hanging out with the selfish friend I don't want to go that far.

I think for now, I am going to ask if this girl is attending all the festivites I go to at their house etc...I just want the opportunity to decide for myself if I want to be in that situation because its obvious my other friend does not really care.

Re: The Selfish Friend, LONG

Re: The Selfish Friend, LONG

your selfish friend doesn't sound like much of a friend at all.

She needs to grow up, grow a pair and deal with it.

I would tell her that until she can come to grips with the situation, you will not be put in an awkward spot anymore.

Don't be a doormat for your selfish friend anymore.

Re: The Selfish Friend, LONG

Wow.. Sounds like a similar situation I had to deal with before of course my friendship with my so called best friend at the time ended.

I wouldn't call your friend "selfish". She is more like- inconsiderate. Unless she is completely oblivious to the situation, she really needs to have a sit down with this girl & get to the bottom of why this girl cant stand you. You gave this girl no reason to "hate" you, so her behavior is completely unjustified. From the looks of it, it seems as if this girl is trying to avoid you, which leads me to believe that she is uncomfortable when your around. Now, if you did nothing to this girl, perhaps she is threatened by you ? Maybe she feels like you dont like her. Could be, or it could be that she is still stuck in HS & cant get over the fact that your friend has other friends in her life besides her.

My situation was slight differennt because my friend used to talk trash about this girl to me all the time, yet she would always hang out with this girl & pretend they were as cool as a cucumber. It wasn't until quite recently I thought that maybe she was talking trash about me & being nice in front of my face... Who knows?

Bottom line, if I was your friend, I would not want to see this go on between you two. How this situation doesn't bother her makes me question how loyal of a friend you she is to you.

I hope the situation gets better (for your sake).

Message edited 1/14/2008 1:33:02 PM.

Re: The Selfish Friend, LONG

Thanks girls...I think my best course of action is to wait until the next time there is an event.

I will ask if this girl that does not like me is going to be there, and just let my
"selfish" friend know it was really uncomfortable the last time we saw each other.

The "selfish" friend told me she did not want to try and and bring up the situation to this girl because she does not want to get in the middle of the issues we have with each other, but she kind of already is.

I just want a normal life!

Re: The Selfish Friend, LONG