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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
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The new board...
First of all I have to say I am SO SO glad to see the new board!  It's about time!   I only hope that it is as much a safehaven to those who are on it as IF is to me/us.
I was wondering though, who do you feel should post on there, and attend GTGs on there?
I am a bit confused because I think my views are different than some others, which is why I bring it up. So I wanted to see what the general concensus is. I noticed they're planning a GTG, and my first reaction was 'ooh, fun- when is it', and my 2nd reaction was 'I want kids more than anything, but technically we are a childless family (right now- though I hope that's not the case eventually)- so do I actually fit in there?'... (so now you know my views sort of).
This is not meant to start drama (and I hope it won't)- I'll post a poll to see what everyone thinks. TIA!
Message edited 3/10/2009 8:09:45 PM.
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Posted 3/10/09 8:08 PM  |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
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Re: The new board...
I voted #1 although I can very much see how a current childless family would feel comfortable. And I dont so much see posting as an issue. I think there will be threads that clearly are meant for temporarily childless families, childless families, and chilfree families. Obviously if you are TTCing you wouldnt post on someone's "who else is missing the chip" thread.
But in regards to a GTG, my main reason is this, I have built many friendships on the IF board. Now granted, my situation is a little different since I have secondary IF, but I have seen what its like to have a group you feel "safe" with and then slowly that group changes. Yes, its exciting for each success, but sooner or later someone is odd man out, and it probably does not feel good to be last man standing. I am fortunate that in this group we have become friends outside of our IF identity, so we are all sensitive to each others feelings and make it work, and I believe those friendships will last forever.
But I imagine that if I were a childless family, I would want to develop friendships with people in similar situations, with me for the long haul. KWIM. Someone who will always be willing to split that costco order , and not just until something better comes along.
Again, just my opinion, and I am not a poster on that board. Maybe they feel differently.
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| Posted 3/10/09 9:19 PM |
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Re: The new board...
I voted #2 b/c as much as I want children, I like having a place to talk about being childless and not focus on infertility...I'm trying to move past my infertility.
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| Posted 3/10/09 9:35 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: The new board...
Posted by rose825
But I imagine that if I were a childless family, I would want to develop friendships with people in similar situations, with me for the long haul. KWIM. Someone who will always be willing to split that costco order , and not just until something better comes along.
Again, just my opinion, and I am not a poster on that board. Maybe they feel differently.
Thank you for your point of view. ITA with this, which is why I was asking... I feel like I want for the people on that board a safehaven- where they can post their true feelings, insecurities, etc... and not get flamed for it.
But I also feel like people who are TTC w/ IF as well as ppl who aren't currently TTC, but plan to someday- won't truly have the same views as those who are of the mindset (or are becoming of the mindset, not being given the choice) of others on there... and that's where I feel like issues could come in (and I Know I might get flamed for that- but it's JMO) and maybe it wouldn't truly be a safehaven for fear of being honest and getting flamed for it.
I know IF is very much like this, but we all have the same common hope/goal- to get pregnant and move on, but keeping the friendships that we've developed.
I also know exactly what you mean about others moving on and one still being here- essentially left behind, which most of us who have been around a while can relate to I think... there are so many people who I know who I was close with but then they got pg and slowly drifted (though not all ) and now have their families,... and I'm still here feeling like an ant in the ant hill still trying to reach my goal---- and if I didn't look at them I'd have no clue as to how much time had actually passed, KWIM? 
I don't even know the point of my post... I guess I just was curious what direction the board might take given the people on it... I almost feel like some of the posts I've seen on there today are like an IF person going over to PG and being annoyed and posting there over a comment that someone made on PG (which I know some have done on here- with good reason ) but then in the same respect, I always have the mindset of (for me anyway) 'you're not pregnant- so let it go'... KWIM? I don't know if this even makes sense... my head is too full today- lol.
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| Posted 3/10/09 10:05 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: The new board...
Posted by BaseballWidow
I voted #2 b/c as much as I want children, I like having a place to talk about being childless and not focus on infertility...I'm trying to move past my infertility.
I see your point also.
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| Posted 3/10/09 10:06 PM |
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sunnygirl
loving life
Member since 1/07 5413 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: The new board...
i voted for #1 i did browse over there and got the consensus that it is mostly people who choose not to have children or have perhaps accepted that they will not have children,
while many of us do not have children we do want children very badly and i feel that it skews our vision of a lot of things
although i do think there are many topics we could give our opinions on i dont think i would post there on a regular basis
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| Posted 3/10/09 11:45 PM |
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karenk71
Love
Member since 6/06 1547 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: The new board...
I voted for #2. It seems to be turning into something completely different than what I expected it to be though.
I guess I thought more ladies from IF would join in on being CNBC.
You don't have to be done with your journey to post there. But the two together (CBC & CNBC) don't seem to make sense a lot of the time. I mean we are talking about two completely different situations.
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| Posted 3/11/09 12:01 AM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: The new board...
I voted for anyone should be able to post there, it's a public forum. I have posted on Pregnancy and Parenting, even though I am not pregnant or a parent....offering congrats, not advice, but still.
Anyone should be able to post there, if you are TTC, if you are not. I am 40, going on 41, it is looking more and more like we will be childless. Should I not be allowed to post there b/c I might TTC again? That's silly. Right now, in my life, DH and I, and our dogs, are a family.
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| Posted 3/11/09 8:32 AM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: The new board...
I voted for #1, although I see nothing wrong with posting there I do agree with Pauline in that the gist of the board is to be "childless". Which is understood as a permanent thing. I do not think I would try for permanent friendships if I were still in limbo about what I were doing or where I were going.
The board is meant for those who intend to be childless forever and I feel like that should be their domain. I don't post on Parenting because I am not a parent, I really don't even go to Parenting. I don't go to TTC, because I was way beyond TTC years ago....IMHO, I've never really understood the need to go to boards where I'm not "part of the club".
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| Posted 3/11/09 9:02 AM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: The new board...
Posted by Gertyrae
I voted for #1, although I see nothing wrong with posting there I do agree with Pauline in that the gist of the board is to be "childless". Which is understood as a permanent thing. The board is meant for those who intend to be childless forever and I feel like that should be their domain.
Ok- that's kind of what my thinking is as well. I have nothing against ANYONE posting there, it's a public forum- so anyone could post anywhere--- looking at the threads on there right now, there are a LOT Of threads that I could post on, and maybe I will... but I guess my point is that there are also certain threads that I don't think I would add any value into their thread by posting my view/opinion... KWIM? Because I'm in a totally different mindset and my views will reflect that.
On NFR or someplace it's one thing but I think if certain boards are meant to be safehavens- then there's a time and a place... and I guess that's what I'm kind of getting at... JMO though. I'm glad to see other's views from the posts and poll though- I find it very helpful!
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| Posted 3/11/09 9:18 AM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: The new board...
Posted by Gertyrae
I voted for #1, although I see nothing wrong with posting there I do agree with Pauline in that the gist of the board is to be "childless". Which is understood as a permanent thing. I do not think I would try for permanent friendships if I were still in limbo about what I were doing or where I were going.
The board is meant for those who intend to be childless forever and I feel like that should be their domain. I don't post on Parenting because I am not a parent, I really don't even go to Parenting. I don't go to TTC, because I was way beyond TTC years ago....IMHO, I've never really understood the need to go to boards where I'm not "part of the club".
Yes, the gist of the board is to be a childless family, but is it really meant for those those who will be that way forever? The decision not to be childless, whether is it your own or due to circumstances, is not always absolute and final, life throws curve balls and things change. If you are, right now in your life, a Childless Family, then it is a place for you.
And for myself, I go on the Pregnancy and Parenting Boards, not for advice, of course, because I can't give it, but b/c I like to see my former IF pals that have gone on, to share in their joy of their pregnacies, their children, and give them my support, as I did when they were on IF. There are bonds we formed through our IF struggle and we have maintained the friendship, knowing of course, I may never become pregnant like they did.
Message edited 3/11/2009 9:27:45 AM.
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| Posted 3/11/09 9:22 AM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: The new board...
Posted by IrishLass
Yes, the gist of the board is to be a childless family, but is it really meant for those those who will be that way forever? The decision not to be childless, whetjer is it your own or due to circumstances, is not always absolute and final, life throws curve balls and things change.
I can't say that it's really meant for those that will be there forever, because, as you say, life does throw curve-balls.
But, if I were in the "I want children" mode, I don't think I'd be over there a lot since (if you read some of the threads), that is clearly not the viewpoint of most people on that board. It is, as Shannon said, a safehaven for those that either can't or don't have children, and aren't actively trying. If people that were not dealing with IF started posting their opinions and views here, I would bet money that some of us would get offended or hurt. I think the same goes over there.
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| Posted 3/11/09 9:29 AM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: The new board...
Posted by IrishLass
I voted for anyone should be able to post there, it's a public forum. I have posted on Pregnancy and Parenting, even though I am not pregnant or a parent....offering congrats, not advice, but still.
Anyone should be able to post there, if you are TTC, if you are not. I am 40, going on 41, it is looking more and more like we will be childless. Should I not be allowed to post there b/c I might TTC again? That's silly. Right now, in my life, DH and I, and our dogs, are a family.
I agree Patty. It's a public forum- and I offer congrats on certain boards too that I'm not currently part of, mainly because of friendships I've formed while on here, or on other boards - but the advice part is kind of what I was thinking about.
I think anyone should be able to post there... but I feel like someone who just started their TTC/IF journey will have a different view than even someone who has been trying for a while... almost like when I used to go to TTC and offer advice and get flamed for it (which happened numerous times- and I finally stopped posting there as a result).
IMO the purpose of creating that board (to me, though I feel that as it's around longer maybe I'll change my mind- which honestly is why I posted a poll b/c I knew not everyone would voice their opinion) is to allow people who have either decided they don't want children (and absolutely, they could change their mind ) or people who have been trying and are not pregnant yet, and are of the mindselt that they're not going to become pregnant, or whether they're on a break, or just done trying for whatever their reason... and are trying to make that transition, a place where they can go and vent and form friendships and share ideas on how they're lifestyles are, what their fears are, etc...
That being said, I think anyone absolutely should be able to post- but the reason I asked is because I watched at least 1 thread on that board become VERY ugly very quickly yesterday... and it was because of how one post was worded, but also because people in a different situation responded and were extremely offended.
Thank you for sharing your views with me. I see where you're coming from also.
Message edited 3/11/2009 9:39:55 AM.
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| Posted 3/11/09 9:34 AM |
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Re: The new board...
I have made it very clear on the childless families board that we are not childless by choice and would love a larger family. So, the other posters there can choose for themselves how friendly they want to be with me.
I don't know what my future holds so I like the idea of getting a different POV of remaining childless, to see how others came to that point.
I don't answer posts that don't pertain to me...like what I would hate to give up from my childfree life...but I've already "met" and chatted with a few ladies that I may not have "met" otherwise, and IMO it is always good to meet new people.
I guess I am starting to cross the IF threshold and know that very soon we will know which way this is going to end for us. I'd like to be prepared, just in case it goes differently then first imagined!!
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| Posted 3/11/09 9:35 AM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: The new board...
[
can't say that it's really meant for those that will be there forever, because, as you say, life does throw curve-balls.
But, if I were in the "I want children" mode, I don't think I'd be over there a lot since (if you read some of the threads), that is clearly not the viewpoint of most people on that board. It is, as Shannon said, a safehaven for those that either can't or don't have children, and aren't actively trying. If people that were not dealing with IF started posting their opinions and views here, I would bet money that some of us would get offended or hurt. I think the same goes over there.
Thank you, I have read the threads, almost all of them, and responded to most of them, if they pertained to me or I felt like responding, just like I do on any other board, IF, Crafts, Travel, NFR, etc.
Posters that are TTC or on IF, have posted with their situation, as Baseball Widow said, if you choose to become "friendly" it is by your own choice then. It doesn't seem to be an issue on that board, it seems to be more of an issue on this board.
And as for being offended, well, that happens on every board, you can't help it all the time, everyone has their own opinions about everything, some peole read into things, some peple disagree, etc. I do not believe it is anyones intention to offend anyone, but it happens.
I try to look at the boards in the most simplistic of ways..I am a part of a Childless Family, who is TTC, who has IF, who has Pets, who Crafts, who Travels, who likes Food and cooks, who has friends who are Pregnant, who are Parents, who has NFR issues, whose in a Relationship, etc. My situation may change on anyone of them, so may someone else's. It's all there for us, for support, guidance and friendship.
Message edited 3/11/2009 9:51:02 AM.
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| Posted 3/11/09 9:47 AM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: The new board...
Posted by IrishLass
I try to look at the boards in the most simplistic of ways..I am a part of a Childless Family, who is TTC, who has IF, who has Pets, who Crafts, who Travels, who likes Food and cooks, who has friends who are Pregnant, who are Parents, who has NFR issues, whose in a Relationship, etc. My situation may change on anyone of them, so may someone else's. It's all there for us, for support, guidance and friendship.
Lol--- you sound like a well rounded person!  J/K- I agree... I post on almost all of those boards as well... but was just curious as to others views, especially from here since I think any of us could fit over there in a lot of the posts. And I'm glad to see various opinions though b/c I think that will help others to figure out who are confused as well!
Message edited 3/11/2009 10:11:07 AM.
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| Posted 3/11/09 9:57 AM |
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