Tell me I'm wrong...long

Okay, so as I have mentioned before, DH is working in Germany. This has been difficult for us we get through it-actually better than I thought it would be...

so, he comes home Wednesday for a few days...he hasn't seen me in one month, hasnt seen his parents/brothers/my parents since he originally left in February.

I am planning a nice night for the two of us on Wednesday since I know that family is going to be all around in the following days because of Easter and his brother coming in from Chicago...etc...

So, he tells me he will be home around 5, but will be stopping at his mom and dad's house... Now, his mom is the type to want him to stay for dinner etc...and I don't want that, so I got annoyed...

So he calls me back and tells me that he told his mom he was just stopping by to say hello and was going to go home...

I said okay, but deep down was still ticked off because I thought he would have been rushing home to see me...and I suggested coming home and then after dinner he could go back or Thursday while I am working he could see them and I am sure we will be there for dinner Thursday...

He said I was being rude... well, of course the smallish dispute became angrier and we both said things we didn't mean, but still, some things he said hurt me... now, I am not even mad about him going to his parents, it is the things he said...

of course, he is in Germany, it is late and we can't talk anymore, so nothing can be solved until tomorrow- I think we both need to calm down anyway because it spiraled into something more than it should have been

I know I was being silly about him going to his mother and father... but I know I would have been rushing to see him...so I was hurt...he questioned why I was trying to compete with his family and said it is not a competition...
AND more, I was upset at the things he said to me...

I needed to get this off my chest....opinions welcomed!

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

I'm with you on this. First stop should be home..no discussion. He is wrong.

His home is with you. He can go over there when you are at work. I'm surprised his parents are not telling him this.

Sounds pretty disfunctional on their part and your DH is playing right into it.

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

honestly, thank you for your comment. He made me second guess why I was originally mad...I should be the first stop-He should be rushing home to see me...He made me feel like I was completely nuts for thinking this.

He told me that his mother said, oh of course you are going to go home and spend time with Nicole-but why wouldnt they say, OF COURSE...go home and spend time with your wife...come see us Thursday! (which I am sure we will be doing anyway)

He thinks I am trying to compete with his family and thinks it would be rude to not stop and see his family on the way home... I think he is making me feel like I come second....

Message edited 3/16/2008 8:38:16 PM.

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

I don't blame you for being hurt. I would be too. his 1st stop should be to see his wife, not his Mom... even if it was on the way home.

the only possible reason I could understand is if I don't get home until later that day and wouldn't be home at 5pm when he gets there.

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

I will be home when he gets home--- I made sure of that...

He thinks it will be rude to not stop by on the way home...and he said he doesnt want to have to go home, spend time with me and then have to go out of the house again to see his parents....

I thought it was reasonable enough to go Thursday...

I was mad, probably overreacted, now that I am calmer, but what hurt me more are the things he said to me...I know I said some shi*ty things too, but I can't stop thinking about them...

I am upset and it stinks that I can't even talk to him about it before I go to bed....

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

OMG you are SOOO NOT WRONG...dont even think that for one minute. You are his wife and his first stop should not be his parents...it is you!
I am sorry what you are going through!!

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

there are 10 things I can say to that..

his wife comes first..period, end of story. For him to say not so nice things to you is a defense mechanism and has little to do with what he really believes.

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

You are not wrong.

And I ran the situation past my DH just to get his perspective on the situation ...

If he were away for work in Germany and was coming home for a few days, where would his first stop be?

His response: Ummm, you mean *after* I come home?!

I explained further, and he said he would definitely come home and spend time with me. He would go see his parents the next day.

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

I would be very upset if Dh was away and I wasn't the first person he was rushing home to see. You have every right to be angry!

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

I would be very hurt as well. You are not wrong.

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

I agree with everyone else, he should be stopping home to see u first

Maybe meet him at his parents? have a dinner waiting for him? This way you know you can see him as soon as he gets home too

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

Posted by niikki-8-18-06

I would be very upset if Dh was away and I wasn't the first person he was rushing home to see. You have every right to be angry!

Re: Tell me I'm wrong...long

it actually turned out to be fine- he stopped by his parents house and his mother wasnt even there he called me and said, "i am coming home but I will go back later on" and i said NO way-her being home is not our problem, she knew you were going to be there- he agreed....as he was walking out the door his mom walked in- they said hello for a few minutes and he came home- he got there at 6:00pm and was home by 6:20. dinner was waiting for him and we had a nice evening!