Tell DD to "fight" ?

DD (almost 4) is outgoing, but seems to shrink inward when she faces critisism/kids laught at her) - I think thats one reason why she didn't like school.

I was at DS's school once and noticed that there were 2 boys on the couch and they were kicking at this one girl and she told them to stop but they kept doing it so she started stomping at their legs in retaliation. This went on for a few minutes.
This is how I would like my daughter to be - don't take crap from anyone and defend yourself (hell, thats how I want to be too!).

DS is still young so he grabs at toys from DD's hands and he hits and pulls her hair. DD reacts by crying and calling for us. (when we see him do it we will tell him not to hit and to apologize)
My father says that we should tell her to fight back - both to teach her to stand up for herself and also to let DS know that its not ok to hit (because you'll get hit back)

But my concern is - DD is still young, she won't know how to regulate herself.
She might hit too much or too hard, etc.

My pops said - just tell her to smack DS on the butt or hold his arms together so he can't hit her.

I doubt I'll tell her to hit DS back, but I would like her to be more aggressive and not take crap from people.

Tell DD to

I wouldnt tell her to hit back, especially your DS. I would teach her to stand up for herself and only defend herself if there is no other option. Right now id focus on her using her words, and solving problems without crying. I also think our kids will have the personality they have. When i was a kid i was a tremendous cry baby and nothing anyone could have done would have changed that. Now i take no S h it from anyone lol. So i think personality sometimes is what it is. I would love to change my stubborn DS sometimes. He is so thick headed, but no matter what i do he is who he is!

Re: Tell DD to "fight" ?

I have a similar dd to how you explain your dd. She's outgoing and stuff but when her brother or a friends kid hits or pulls her hair she just stands there crying while the kid keeps going. We have a friend who's ds is her age but a lot bigger. He periodically pulls her hair and things. I taught her how to break away, grab his hands and tell him don't do that. Otherwise, she just kept getting beat up. I never told her to hit back, but I was teaching her defensive skills which I felt like it made her feel powerful in those situations. After she was successful once she smiled at me and I could tell she was proud of herself.

Re: Tell DD to "fight" ?

Re: Tell DD to "fight" ?

Tell DD to

I dont teach my kids to fight back, I just don't believe in that at all. I teach them the words to say and they are very good at working things out verbally at home bc I've taught them what to say for a long time. I kind of make them talk things out so they don't bother coming to me most of the time. For example if someone hurts the other I tell them to say, "don't push me, I don't like that." Obviously it's harder when they're at school but at least I've tried to tell them what to do so they don't get pushed around. If they tell the kid to stop and that it hurts them or they don't like something and the kid continues they know to go to an adult for help.

I can also tell you my kid wouldn't be going to a school where kids are kicking each other for several minutes without an adult intervening.

Message edited 3/20/2018 1:52:09 PM.

Re: Tell DD to "fight" ?

I would never tell DD to fight at this age. I could see it being a possibility when she's older, if she's getting seriously harassed. But she's four, IMO hitting is never okay is the only lesson I'd be teaching my DD.

Re: Tell DD to "fight" ?

Re: Tell DD to "fight" ?

I wouldn’t teach her to hit a sibling... especially a baby.

You can teach her to defend herself with words and actions (walk away, tell teacher). Role play.

For confidence and self defense, a good martial arts class can help. 4 years old is a good time to start.

Re: Tell DD to "fight" ?

I tell my DD to not take anything from anyone to defend herself. If she gets hit she can hit back and not be in trouble. Granted she is in 1st grade.

At that age I told her that she should be nice to everyone but if someone is not being nice back to you she does not have to be friends with them.

If someone was hitting her at that age I would start by saying tell the teacher but if it didn't stop I would 100% tell her to defend herself.


ETA: at home I do discourage them from hitting each other because I can control that but outside my house, I can't control esp if I am not there.

Message edited 3/21/2018 8:58:45 AM.

Tell DD to

My almost 2 year old son some times hits my 5 year old dd. She knows she is NOT allowed to hit him back. We also explain to her that her brother is not supposed to hit her, but he's a baby still and does not understand but soon enough he will. When he hits he goes right in to "time out " in his pack n play (with no toys of course) and we firmly tell him "No hit". Dd knows to tell us if he hits and she also can tell him "No". At school, if a kid isn't being nice to her, we advise her to tell them to stop or thst she doesn't like that. If the kid doesn't stop we tell her to tell a teacher, and then we tell her to avoid them or to play with her other friends. My dh tells her if someone hits her she can hit back to protect herself but she should never hit someone first.