Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

I always like all my ducks in a row so to speak. My motto has always been to hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

I am searching out lawyers to draw up a will for us before the baby is born. I want custody and assets to be determined in advance. We have families with the best intentions, but we know they would end up fighting for custody if something (God forbid!) happened to both of us.

My question is - has anyone else given this some thought? How would you determine custody - do you split it between the families? Would /Can you give custody to a parent, or would you go with a less financially secure younger sibling?

I'm just curious what you think...

Thanks!

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

we are thinking about this, too. i would pick our parents over our siblings, regardless of financial security. our siblings already have young kids and would be over-burdened.

this sounds very morbid, but we decided that if we died in an odd-numbered year the children would go to one set of parents, an even-numbered year would go to the other set. we could not possibly choose between the two.

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

We did not do a will yet, but we've discussed the baby would go to my parents.

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

Havent thought about it yet... But I will discuss with DH tonight!

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

We've given this A LOT of thought, actually.

We have decided that my sister would be given guardianship over our children and my Brother In Law (sister's husband) would be responsible for finances. Finances meaning our investments and life insurance policies.

We decided not to choose our parents because in theory we hope they die first.

DH has 1 sister who is older than us (she is 29) but does not own a house and is currently living with her boyfriend. We just do not feel she is no where near being capable of taking on our child(ren) at this point. Nor would I necessarily trust her with the money.

DH also has a brother. But he is only 19 and gosh forbid something should happen to us I don't think it would be fair to take on all of this responsibility without necessarily being able to start his own life.

I only have one sister. She has been with her husband for 10 years. Has 2 children with a 3rd on the way.

I know my sister will make sure to include DH's family in their (my childrens) lives. I've also known my brother in law since I'm 13 and there is no one else I would trust more to handle their money. And the only reason we didn't give both the child(ren) and finances to my BIL and sister jointly is we were advised by our lawyer to split the two up.

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

We’ve thought about it.. definitely.

The problem is that my parents are older (my dad is 58 now and I don’t trust my stepmother in anyway at all plus she’s 64) and his parents are wacky (we’d don’t trust the stepfather to raise our children the way we want) and although his mother would be ok and she’s younger we can’t just leave our child with them.

Siblings. My siblings are irresponsible at least my older one is. My younger siblings are too young to burden. I was listed as guardian and on the will to be their custodian should my parents die and that was back when I was 16, it was a bit scary. My twin brothers are 17 and my sister is 18 and joining the Navy. His siblings are younger 23 & 29 but the 23yr old is still too unstable in her own life right now and the 29 is getting married himself soon and it doesn’t seem right.

So who’s left? Aunts & Uncles? We might end up with using my BIL but only after we talk to them.

This is tough

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

we are going to get one drafted up as soon as the baby is born

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

We talked about this before I gave birth. My DHs parents are older and we thought it would be too much stress for them to take care of DD fulll time. My mom lives paycheck to paycheck right now so she wouldn't be financially stable enough to take care of her, so we chose my single, financially stable older sister.

You have to make the best decision for your family. Whoever you think would best take care of your DC is who you should chose.

Message edited 3/20/2008 10:05:30 PM.

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

DH and I have discussed this and we have to get a will done before the baby is born. We agreed that my mom will get custody of the baby. She is in her mid 50's now and lives in a great neighborhood. We will put a statement in the will that if for some reason her health or financial situation changes that my sister will have custody. I hope this is something we never need to worry about...but its always good to be prepared.

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

We decided even before we were PG to ask my BIL (DH's brother) and his wife to be our child(ren's) guardians. Hadn't thought about a will though.

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

we haven't done it yet but we are going to after this baby is born. We are going to have my mom do it. I would pick my brother and his wife but they live in California and I would not want my kids to have to move on top of losing both of their parents. My mom is only 56 so I'm not too concerned about her passing when our kids are under 18. If that does happen then we'll have to reconsider.

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

DS is almost 17 months and we still don't have a will. The problem is, we don't really have anyone we feel comfortable naming as his guardian. My parents would in theory be my first choice, but the fact of the matter is, they're in their 70s. My ILs are great people, but I just don't feel confrotable with them. I don't think they would raise him the way I'd like- I'm Jewish and I can see them making him an alter boy. My older sister is already a single mom and I know she couldn't give DS the time he needs. BIL is going through a divorce and SIL is living with her boyfriend. If they get married, they would probably be the ones. But that's still up in the air. So for now, we're just irresponsible parents.

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

Right now DH and I think we'll be leaving guardianship to a couple we are very close friends with. Our parent's are out of the question for a number of reasons, largest being their own health issues. We love our sibblings, but we want our kids raised the way we would. We haven't approached our friends about this yet, but it will probably be the way we will go. Our friends are not just financially stable, they are also interfaith like DH and I, they as a couple share our values on a variety of topics.

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

Posted by nferrandi

DS is almost 17 months and we still don't have a will. The problem is, we don't really have anyone we feel comfortable naming as his guardian. My parents would in theory be my first choice, but the fact of the matter is, they're in their 70s. My ILs are great people, but I just don't feel confrotable with them. I don't think they would raise him the way I'd like- I'm Jewish and I can see them making him an alter boy. My older sister is already a single mom and I know she couldn't give DS the time he needs. BIL is going through a divorce and SIL is living with her boyfriend. If they get married, they would probably be the ones. But that's still up in the air. So for now, we're just irresponsible parents.

Re: Slightly morbid... but necessary (IMO)

we have thought about it...but no decision yet as to who we feel comfortable leaving her with