Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

i came to a realization this weekend and wanted to know if any of you have gone through it as well...

em's not walking yet - but pulling up on everything, crawling like a FIEND (sooooo quick)....is curious about EVERYTHING...normal almost 1 year old behavior....

we had a VERY busy weekend with friends, things to do, etc. Dave worked every day of it, except Friday....

so Friday, we ran errands, met a few friends for dinner....and when with Dave & I...Em really only wants me...since i'm her primary care-giver....

Saturday - i had time to relax with Em and then we hit the drive in (and shopped after, didn't get home until VERY late)... Again - i had to care for her at the drive-in...because she really wants me when i'm around.

Sunday - had a gtg with my jersey besties (and one VERY special NY'er) and then another barbeque with Dave's friends....in which i told dave he was responsible for her...but the reality was that i mostly cared for her..

Monday - helped my brother by watching his toddler & emma for the entire day (they just moved, so he & his wife had a lot to do)....and of course, dave had to work.

after this weekend, i came to the realization that if i had to do ALL of these things ALONE with 2 kids, i'm not sure i could do it. i refer to myself as a single mother on the weekends and for most of the week (dave's schedule is a nightmare, 9:30 - 9:00, 3 times a week and EVERY weekend until 5 or 6 depending on the day).

it KILLS me, because in my head, i've always had the dream of 2 kids....i love children more than i can express....but on my own - i don't know if i can hack it....

please realize - i'm not just bashing dave here...he can't help his work schedule & he makes very nice money there (in sales). there are no such things as sick days, he gets 2 weeks vacation and that's IT. NO personal days, NO getting out of work early...NOTHING like that. he does care for her twice a week, when i'm at work (monday & friday are his only days off)...and she LOVES and ADORES daddy...but when given the choice, daddy or mommy - it's MOMMY - emphatically. she will scream in his arms (unless she WENT to him) - mamamamamamamamamamama) until I take her from him if she's sleepy or anything...

have any of you been through this and moved past it? if you have more than 1 - how do you deal? are you okay? medicated? alive & breathing???? it kills me that one of my personal dreams of a 2 children family has possibly died this weekend...(i'm in tears writing that)....

if you got this far - i truly thank you...i just feel like i HAD to get this out there....get it OUT of me and into the universe...

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

You can do it, believe me. I'm doing it Sat-Tue. It can be mind-numbing when they're sick (like I had this weekend) and you're stuck in the house all weekend, but it can be done.

DH is also only off 2 days a week and those are the days I'm on vacation.... I mean at WORK. The other day they are at the sitter's house. If they wake at night- it's me they want. Thankfully, my younger is a total Daddy's girl and will let DH brush teeth, read a book, and put her to bed. My eldest is a total Momma's girl and wants me for EVERYTHING.

I think it's actually EASIER with 2 because they keep each other occupied. Sure, 50% of the time they're trying to kill each other, but at least they're out of my hair so I can make dinner.

Believe me- it can be done. If I can do it, anyone can.

Message edited 6/1/2010 2:52:32 PM.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

I don't deal with him working weekends usually, but I have to do everything myself 5 days a week and when they were younger they went through phases where they only wanted me even if DH was home. And there were times I felt like I was barely getting through day to day, but I did. My kids are 16 months apart, so they both needed me a lot when #2 was born. As your DD gets older and more independent it will be easier for you to think about having 2 kids.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

For many years it was just me and my 2 boys. Now, it is but not nearly as often.

It really isn't so bad and as hard as you may think. It s@cked sometimes because we couldn't do family things on the weekend for the most part unless he had a day off, but other than that, it was just me and them. You get used to it and I actually enjoyed the alone time with them.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

We have been doing it for 2 years.

DH and I have opposite work schedule.

I am a SAHM during the week and work on weekends (all day). DH works on weekdays and stays with DS on weekends.

We are NEVER together except evenings every day and for the few now and then Holidays.

I was going to start in September but as of this week, I am dropping an afternoon work so we CAN get this family time we need. We all need it, DH, DS and I. To feel like a family!!!!!

DS will be going to preschool FT this September. I want us to enjoy some time together this Summer.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

Honey, I have FIVE and my husband works crazy hours. I didn't see him all weekend. All I can say is I make it work, and eventually you learn to deal.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

Don't cry.

That happens to be a really difficult age. As they get older they become A LOT more independent. You have to beg them to let you hold them...and they still say no. Lol.

My husband works 6 days a week, almost every holiday, and every weekend. It's difficult, it just is. But they get older, and it gets easier.

I NEVER pictured myself with 2, but I id have another, and it's great. Having 2 is much easier than I thought.

Being a first time mom is hard. I'm sure you will be able to have another.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

Posted by Porrruss

You can do it, believe me. I'm doing it Sat-Tue. It can be mind-numbing when they're sick (like I had this weekend) and you're stuck in the house all weekend, but it can be done.

DH is also only off 2 days a week and those are the days I'm on vacation.... I mean at WORK. The other day they are at the sitter's house. If they wake at night- it's me they want. Thankfully, my younger is a total Daddy's girl and will let DH brush teeth, read a book, and put her to bed. My eldest is a total Momma's girl and wants me for EVERYTHING.

I think it's actually EASIER with 2 because they keep each other occupied. Sure, 50% of the time they're trying to kill each other, but at least they're out of my hair so I can make dinner.

Believe me- it can be done. If I can do it, anyone can.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

My DH works crazy hours (overnights and not M-F) but that wouldn't keep me from having another baby

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

so many people do it and make it work. when you are presented with situations in life, you find a way and usually all works out.

is it possible for dave to maybe find something else in his field that doesnt require such a schedule?

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

Jess I can totally relate sometimes! DH only works every other weekend but works 12 hour shifts and when he works I am with DS for the entire day. To me it helps to be busy, GTGs and etc... It is draining. Yesterday afternoon I told DH I needed an hour and went into our room and read a book for an hour so DS didn't see me. I wonder quite often how I will do with 2. But I think that is also because I am not quite ready for 2 yet.

Hang in there! I WISH we were closer but hey we do see each other pretty often!

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

I know exactly how you feel! My DH is in sales also, and he is literally off 1 day a month (a sunday). He wakes me up as he is leaving in the mornings and the earliest he ever comes home is 7pm (and then of course needs time to unwind ). It is really hard and frustrating a lot of the time and you can't really get mad at him because working the way he does is what allows me to be a SAHM. This past weekend really hit me hard, too. I would love to know what it is like to host a nice BBQ during the day and relax, etc... I feel like I am always alone - especially since I have ZERO help (my sister lives close but is never home). You will find a routine eventually and it gets a little easier when the babies are walking/talking and a bit more independent. It doesn't suck any less though

BTW- I am due with # 2 in Nov. Feel free to vent anytime

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

Posted by Porrruss


I think it's actually EASIER with 2 because they keep each other occupied. Sure, 50% of the time they're trying to kill each other, but at least they're out of my hair so I can make dinner.

Believe me- it can be done. If I can do it, anyone can.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

Hey Jess...I have been lurking on this board, pregnancy and TTC b/c we are thinking about starting our own family soon...

I woudn't let it get you down...My DH works a lot also - his schedule is not as crazy as Dave's but during certain times of the month he works really long hours - that on top of my lack of patience makes me worry about how I am going to have more than 1 child and I don't have ANY yet

My advice is take it as it comes...Emma is still young and needy...once she is a little older she will be more independent and that will make having a second easier.

At first I wanted to have 2 children back to back (in my ideal imaginary world!) but then I saw how difficult it was first hand when my SIL had a 2 1/2 year old son and a newborn. That is when I realized that probably wouldn't work for me! So my new "plan" would be to wait until the 1st is about 4 and ready to go into school - that way I can stay home with the first and devote 100% attention to them and then I can devote almost 100% to the second while the 1st is in school full time. For me, that is a lot less scary than having two children in carseats, a double stroller and all that jazz! I couldn't imagine going anywhere just because I don't think I'd be physically capable of it! I know that plenty of Mom's do it in stride but I just don't think I could do it and stay sane!

Of course I don't have any children so who knows what I might want in the future - but what I am saying is that yes, it might be overwhelming for you now if you had two but maybe in a year or two or three when Emma is older you'll feel differently - it doesn't mean you are swearing off a second child for good if you wait a little bit.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

My DH is usually not off weekends with me. I managed just fine with the 2 of them. Sure, you might spot me in BRU still in my pajamas (as in yesterday morning) b/c the opportunity to leave the house arises and I just take it without a thought about what I look like, but that's OK.
You manage- I promise. And you get in your own routine. Honestly, somedays when DH and I are off together it seems more hectic b/c we each have our own thing with the kids.
I promise, you manage, and after you get through the initial chaos, you do get to enjoy

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

In one week I went from having family 5 minutes away from me with just giving birth to my second and becoming a 2 under 2 mom, to a 2 under 2 mom in a new state with no family help and my DH working really long hours and I survived.
To be honest, looking back it was easier for me durning the week because I had my routine and things ran smoothly. The weekends were hard for me because everything got thrown off.
My kids also went through phases were all they want is me. My DH was upset about it, but then the phase came were they only wanted him. That's normal.
I don't know, you get past it and you don't think about it again. Before you know it, you survived it.

I also think it seems worse thinking about it than actually having to do it.

If you really want another one, I would go for it. You shouldn't let a schedule get in the way of what type of family you both want.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

My DH and I work opposite days of the week. We specifically chose this schedule to minimize the amount of time our children would be cared for by people other than us. So I am pretty much alone with them all week (I work every weekend). I have 2, they are 4 and 1. I think it will be easier for you to have a bigger age span than what you had this weekend, with your nephew also being a toddler. Also, keep in mind that if they are your own, you will probably approach caring for them differently than caring for somebody else's child; AND you will ease into it so to speak, since the new baby will be born and sleep a lot while you are adjusting and the whole family will adjust and the new baby will just fit right in. BELIEVE me, if I can have 2 (and consider a third), ANYBODY can. Please don't let this determine your decision on whether or not to have another. Wait til your DD is a bit more independent (able to walk, stand up for a second when you put her down, etc...) and it WILL get easier.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

DH is a cop, so I know what it's like to be alone w/o a partner for most of the time. I've adjusted to it as a non-parent, going to things alone all the time. Now that we have DS, it's going to be hard to go and do stuff w/o him with us, but I'm sure we'll adjust. At least when he's off, DS will be in daycare. I don't get that luxury on weekends when I'll be off (I go back to work in Sept). I"m just going to leave things like food shopping and laundry for him to do... :)

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

It's so hard. I know. DH works weekends and he will be going back on nights at the end of the month. So, when I get home from work, he won't be there. It will be just me and the 3 kids!!!! I did it when the twins were first born at it was hard but you get through it. Just like everything else - you find a way.

As for Emma being clingy with you, DS was like that for a while but that ends. It's just a stage.

it's a juggling act, it really is and I feel like I have no time for myself but, I have 3 beautiful kids and a great husband and I wouldn't trade it for anything! Sounds like you feel the same way. It just gets to you some times.

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

Posted by KateDevine

My DH works crazy hours (overnights and not M-F) but that wouldn't keep me from having another baby

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

well jess.. you've pretty much described my life to a T....

nick works in west chester... he works 10 hr days 6 days a week. every holiday every weekend with out a doubt. he gets 1 day off a week and at that its never the same day so we can never plan anything.

when he works its a day shift leaves at 530am and gets home at 730pm. night shift leaves at 1pm gets home at 130am. So he doesnt care for abby at all... when hes home in the morning he will get up and give her breakfast but for the most part im alone in this parenting game. He has no clue what her schedule is so when he is "responsible" for her i still have to make all decisions and tell him when things need to happen.

Some days its very upsetting and i feel like... we got married and had a baby so we could be a family.. BUT im doing it solo. We just had this talk about ttc for #2 and i too feel EXACTLY like you... can ireally do it alone because plain and simple thats what will be happening. Im forever greatful for his job it got him out of his VERY unsafe job prior. But i hate that theres slim to none family time. He too doesnt get sick days .. 2 personal days a year and 2 weeks vacation THATS IT! it was an arguement to allow him to be off for abbys first birthday since its 4th of july weekend.

my family calls my husband the phathom husband since hes rarely around BUT he works his butt off and it allows me to be a SAHM and raise our dd. If i worked he wouldnt have to work 6 days BUT his days off id be working so this is whats working out best for us now. It stinks sure... we've just decided that we will wait till abbys a little older to ttc again since it will be a little easier (were hoping) to have 2. let me know if you ever want to talk about this... not many people i know are in the same boat and its hard to talk/vent/ get someone who actually GETS what im going through!!!

Re: Significant Others Who Work Weekends (holidays, etc.)...plese help..

It will be different b/c Emma won't be one anymore when you have a baby. She will be older, and it will be okay.