shower - issues complicated

for my bridal shower we ended up having around 45 people... my mother paid for my shower, my sister(MOH helped her plan it) now 4 years later we are looking at a baby shower.

when my sister had her baby shower her MIL initiated and paid for her side, my mom for hers and they split my sister friends.. she probably had at least 30 people there..

now- my mom has brought a couple ideas to me:

1.she is thinking she should have her side out to a restaurant for a mini shower like celebration(would be under 10 people if all can make it)

then MIL would have to plan her own thing(about 10-15 people if all can make it)

2. Dh says he could tell his mother about the whole splitting it thing they did for my sister, and have 1 combined party- then we'd be looking at 20-25 if all can attend

3. My mom says if we skip a shower people close to us will get us the stuff we need and she will give me shower money to use towards a christening party.(currently we were planning on bbq'ing after the christening in the summer)

im so torn as to what to do, I loved having a large bridal shower,and yet i know a baby shower of 20-25 family isnt going to feel quite the same. i doubt there would be games at the baby shower even if it is a combined one. I know my mom is offering be this because at my bridal shower there were alot of dh's family underdressed for the restaurant and cheaper on the gifts even thought they are financially secure. shes just thinking of what would benefit the baby the most. i dont want to feel like i missed out on having a shower. i kinda feel like if it isnt going to be super large- then id rather go for the two smaller parties so i could spend more time with people. but dh thinks its silly to split things

Re: shower - issues complicated

I'd have the smaller combined shower. I know my shower will be small, because we both have very small families, but I know the people most important to me will be there, and that's what's most important. I like small showers because I feel like as the bride or mother to be, you really get to spend time with everyone there.

Re: shower - issues complicated

I dont really get what the problem is...

A shower for 20-25 people is still a decent amount and others will send gifts. I had about that many at my baby shower and got every single thing I needed off my registry and then some.

Re: shower - issues complicated

I think 20-25 is a nice amount of people - my shower ended up being the same day and DH nephew's 1st communion - LONG STORY - so I had no one from DH's side of the family there. I had a great shower (with about 17 people - the others who couldn't attend sent a gift) and got all the major items that I needed. We played games and everything. So I would vote for either the two smaller showers or one small combined one of 20-25.

Also keep in mind you will get a lot of things when the baby is born. Everyone we knew also sent a gift when DD was born (even those who were at the shower).